tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13277338284848799072023-11-16T15:08:30.996+00:00Mind, Body & ScrollBe Your Own ExpertTaronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.comBlogger308125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-1635317478886179312022-11-12T09:19:00.000+00:002022-11-12T09:19:56.084+00:00Pandemic FOMO<p>After over two years of coping with a global pandemic I am dealing with what I have started calling Pandemic FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Over the summer, as the pandemic entered yet another surreal stage -- a stage where normal life seemed to be allowed to resume, as people cast off masks and barely anyone mentioned it, even those who had it -- and I found myself saying yes to everything and in a state of constant overscheduling and exhaustion.</p><p><br /></p><p>On one Sunday, my son C said to me, "Mummy, on Saturday, you almost lost your mind." I thought, perhaps he has a point. </p><p><br /></p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWJqG7QQOHny5Xvlb_ZyQqlTk6VrrLMQ4fW2RAurEjUav2KdPd6onjvfawV-CT8CHktGUspt09mGIU1i9TxaR4yK63RNqevG7kPEZHyLNXtoYLZKaN_mkeQ1jZcT9f1PH2Un5sPMpHSHfdERxehwK6qND5znrHfiC6GW1iKzcZ418xSvowo7udly_K/s4000/IMG_20220730_111455.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="3000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWJqG7QQOHny5Xvlb_ZyQqlTk6VrrLMQ4fW2RAurEjUav2KdPd6onjvfawV-CT8CHktGUspt09mGIU1i9TxaR4yK63RNqevG7kPEZHyLNXtoYLZKaN_mkeQ1jZcT9f1PH2Un5sPMpHSHfdERxehwK6qND5znrHfiC6GW1iKzcZ418xSvowo7udly_K/s320/IMG_20220730_111455.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Needing more time to watch bees</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">But yet, it's hard to say no. When you go through over two years of having so many elements of your life restricted, when the world is cast in overwhelming sadness of death and loss, it makes you realize how you have to embrace the good things when you can, be grateful for what you have and not miss a single minute of life. </span></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Ergo, saying yes to going to two weddings in June -- on the same day. There were friends visiting from out of town, playdates, parties, holidays to plan, and I have something equivalent to a new job. There is a lot going on, not to mention our usual caring responsibilities as a family, for a young son and my mother-in-law. </p><p><br /></p><p>I don't regret for a single moment any of the exciting things we've done so far this year, although I am starting to realize that something has to give. As much as I want to seize the day, it is starting to defeat the purpose. Recently on a Sunday, C was having a total meltdown and I felt similar, after another punishing weekend of constant plans. </p><p><br /></p><p>I looked at our pre-schooler having a tantrum and suddenly my own recent malaise and exhaustion made sense -- of course he was a hot mess -- I wasn't faring well either, so someone his age with far fewer coping mechanisms was bound to fall apart. </p><p><br /></p><p>And as summer has turned to autumn, things have not slowed down, but in fact got even busier. That's why I have been trying to practice building in more down time. One weekend in late summer, after a lovely morning of wandering among the blooms planted in the moat at the Tower of London, the three of us sat in a pub having lunch. The Hub picked up his phone to google tours of the HMS Belfast. </p><p><br /></p><p>"No!" I said firmly. "We are going home." </p><p><br /></p><p>And so we did. And spent the rest of the day pottering around the house. As I sat folding laundry in the living room while C played with his trains, I felt the happiest I had in weeks.</p><p><br /></p><p>Until it was time to get ready for the babysitter to arrive, as we had a table booked at the top of the Shard for the Hub's birthday. Old habits die hard. </p><p><br /></p><p>I stand by my desire to do things in this life, to say yes, and to seize the moments when I can. The way the world is and has been over the last few years continues to teach me that we must do this. However, these moments don't have to all be dinners in the sky or three exciting activities in one day. </p><p><br /></p><p>Small moments can be the big moments. Having no set plans and discovering a new expansive park in London at the end of a tube line can be more fulfilling -- and let's be frank, more restful and relaxing -- which is what weekends are supposed to be for. As the holiday season fast approaches and life doesn't seem to be slowing down in the slightest this is something I'm going to keep working on! </p>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-88145912438012656962022-07-16T08:53:00.000+01:002022-07-16T08:53:55.388+01:00On Being A Bad Driver <p>Last year we finally bought a car. I've always lived in cities post college, and until having a kid the Hub and I never felt we needed one -- plus of course all the environmental and cost reasons. But with caring for an elderly parent added to our lives as well as having a toddler and a global pandemic thrown in for good measure, we decided it could help make things just that bit easier.</p><p><br /></p><p>And so, as an experiment, we bought my mother-in-law's 14-year-old car that was just sitting in her driveway. </p><p><br /></p><p><a href="http://mindbodyandscroll.blogspot.com/2016/03/17-again.html" target="_blank">I got my license in the U.K. back in 2016</a>, which was already a challenge. But becoming a <i>driver </i>again as a new car owner has been a whole new world. </p><p><br /></p><p>The last time I drove regularly was during my junior and senior years of high school - when I was 17 and 18 years old! I was honestly knee-knockingly nervous about driving again, particularly in a city like London, and on the opposite side of the road. </p><p><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1kSpC4p3T_UBuQqF-6WNxHCsyGaCFPbi9VH5EpgqNawzca_lWoxRzQ1CYoz0VhrOZe-7DMMb17mWGUAKF8LS42DGjp6gD-rlmynlrSq8shLOj-Vdg0BTVefK8raj76i6U_9-zqbT7Xztb9FGoqa76N500NvTKtbJgrpALUmv5WLv1l_jX43cAZSia/s4000/Car%20senior%20year.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1kSpC4p3T_UBuQqF-6WNxHCsyGaCFPbi9VH5EpgqNawzca_lWoxRzQ1CYoz0VhrOZe-7DMMb17mWGUAKF8LS42DGjp6gD-rlmynlrSq8shLOj-Vdg0BTVefK8raj76i6U_9-zqbT7Xztb9FGoqa76N500NvTKtbJgrpALUmv5WLv1l_jX43cAZSia/s320/Car%20senior%20year.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last time I was a regular driver</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>For months, the night before I was going to drive, whether it was the hour-long journey to my mother-in-law's house or just to one of our local parks, I would already have butterflies in my stomach. It was not just the actual driving, but the parking, and having to navigate the narrow roads with cars parked on either side, just waiting for someone to honk at my sheepish uncertain driving skills. I was a bad driver, and I knew it. </p><p><br /></p><p>But the Hub and I had a rule: I had to drive every weekend, no excuses. If we had nowhere to go, we'd find somewhere, even if it was just to drive to the other side of Streatham to the common - which frankly was too long of a walk anyway when you were trying to get a toddler home in time for his nap. And I kept pushing myself -- I've now done a number of long journeys, including one to Peppa Pig World and one to visit friends near Bath, both with broken air conditioning and a toddler who gets carsick. I'll never think of Winchester again without the all-too-vivid memory of stopping as we drove down the hill on the outskirts of town, stopping to clean the puke out of all the little nooks and crannies of the car seat. </p><p><br /></p><p>Thing is, learning how to drive -- again -- has taught me something even more valuable: you can't expect to be good at something if you're out of practice. And there are no shortcuts other than being bad at it for a while, gritting your teeth and doing it. </p><p><br /></p><p>This awful discomfort is why I think as people get older they avoid learning new technology, saying they're not capable. It's not that our brains start to fail or we are incapable of learning new things, it's just that the awkwardness of learning something new or re-learning in my case, can be daunting and uncomfortable and we'd just rather not. </p><p><br /></p><p>As the weeks and months have rolled by, I stopped feeling so anxious, and now I even barely think about the fact that I will be driving the next day. I wouldn't say I'm a great driver yet -- but I'm getting better and I expect if I keep it up I'll continue to improve (hopefully). I've even stopped using the GPS so much and have started mapping out my own routes -- preferably the straightest routes possible to avoid needing to clean up puke again (so far, so good). </p><p><br /></p><p>And the other good news is that for now, having a car has made our lives a lot easier, and maybe even better. During the U.K.'s third lockdown when we were sick to the back teeth of walking to the same parks all the time with the little guy (as park visits were the only thing allowed), we were able to expand our park repertoire. It's been easier to go visit friends, and of course travel to my mother-in-law's house. </p><p><br /></p><p>It's been a good reminder of how hard things are worth it. I recently read Glennon Doyle's new memoir <i>Untamed</i>, and in it she writes about her mantra of <i>We can do hard things</i>. I know she meant things more existential than driving, but still, it helps me. In the meantime, I would recommend exercising great caution when driving near Streatham! </p>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-43179029810427832922021-03-18T10:41:00.004+00:002021-03-20T16:52:01.876+00:00Exploring Self-Compassion<p>When it comes to the pandemic, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But I've found the past few months have been particularly tough, perhaps even tougher than at the beginning of the pandemic. Here in the U.K. we are still in a third lockdown, and I have been feeling fed up with just about everything. </p><p><br /></p><p>To cope, I was doing something that in my mind I was calling "lowering my standards". I decided not to worry so much about how clean our bathroom was or that sometimes our son was eating toast and apples for dinner on the couch next to me in front of an endless loop of Laurie Berkner's "kindie" videos. He has now moved on to a slightly unhealthy obsession with Peppa Pig.</p><p><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhag3RPwXHoR65DqKxHCHdNnhg9nJpEgEGoknOU5Z9L0lQRRNV4KQ_LC6rxRYoQbrBhzKhT62bQPJQ_cT__lzhFXJ26iuZpB2wNmJYRRjRILCDLbZGHMWMiFFuMHGZGgotbGMDwVe-Klpg/s4000/IMG_20210207_172555.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="3000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhag3RPwXHoR65DqKxHCHdNnhg9nJpEgEGoknOU5Z9L0lQRRNV4KQ_LC6rxRYoQbrBhzKhT62bQPJQ_cT__lzhFXJ26iuZpB2wNmJYRRjRILCDLbZGHMWMiFFuMHGZGgotbGMDwVe-Klpg/s320/IMG_20210207_172555.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A typical lockdown activity.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>And then I was listening to a podcast -- something I do a lot at the moment to break the unbearable silence of working on data on my own in a quiet room -- and the subject of compassion came up. It was not just compassion, but self-compassion, a concept of course I knew about, but not exactly the kind of thing I practice very much of. Sure I'm compassionate to other people, but myself, what does that look like? I've always got to do better, get more done and just get on with things. If things aren't working, then <i>work harder</i>. </p><p><br /></p><p>I don't know about you, but I don't feel like I can work any harder at the moment. I was struck by the idea that maybe what I was trying to do wasn't in fact lowering my standards, but more like showing myself some compassion. After all, things are not exactly life as normal at the moment. And then I thought, shouldn't this be something I'm always doing? I'm human just like everyone else and I would <i>never</i> talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself. I was also very interested to learn from this podcast that there are studies that show self-compassion can help with procrastination. That certainly caused me to perk my ears as procrastination is something I have always struggled with. </p><p><br /></p><p>I think a lot these days about my actions in a way I haven't before, because now I'm 100% responsible for another human's life. Two years and a bit in, this still feels new and is starting to cause a shift in my own thinking about the way I treat myself, because I need to stay emotionally and physically healthy for someone else. It's that old <i>put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others</i> idea. </p><p><br /></p><p>I think there's always the concern that self-compassion means "going easy on yourself" or lowering your standards, as evidenced by my original thinking. But thinking about self-compassion reminded me of something I've read about concerning toddlers. </p><p><br /></p><p>One of the constant themes that comes up in parenting books is acknowledging the feelings that toddlers have. And they have some crazy emotions. My toddler has been known to cry over the fact that the peel cannot go back on the banana, that he has to wear a coat outside, or that we won't let him scramble his own eggs. </p><p><br /></p><p>The idea is that by acknowledging toddlers' feelings it can help them cope better with this bizarre world that they're getting used to. And what else is compassion other than acknowledging feelings? If you feel heard, it's easier to cope with life's difficulties. Food for thought as we struggle to get out the other side of this mess. Be compassionate, of course to others, but also to yourself. I'm certainly going to try. </p><p><br /></p><p><i>Views are my own and do not reflect the views of my employer. </i></p>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-83547131760408284802021-02-08T20:35:00.000+00:002021-02-08T20:35:33.941+00:00Midlife Mama<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">I never intended to be an older mom. But sometimes things don't end up how you planned. And I think like most things in life, it's less important why it happened, or how you got there. The reality of the situation is that I ended up being a 40-something midlife mama. </span></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">
I know that having a kid is a challenge at any age. But I think as an older mom, I feel self-conscious about it more than I'd like, and tend to get worried about the negatives. I fear that at some point someone is going to think that I'm C's grandma, I worry that I won't be around long enough for him, and that he will be embarrassed of us. But I suppose he will be embarrassed of us regardless of our age. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNvP9H9uXq8YBsaUU7fOzC_1dms1zjGK1-koo8FIlp6wGVVJw_ae5YrhrAakk4KSbQHc9S67GCQ_GIGBKcIvenAjFXpbmk85QoTqOv5viMH-GGV_rOEMFF6dtL_UYuMX1YRs-GpCTSMe0/s4608/IMG_20190104_213351.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4608" data-original-width="3456" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNvP9H9uXq8YBsaUU7fOzC_1dms1zjGK1-koo8FIlp6wGVVJw_ae5YrhrAakk4KSbQHc9S67GCQ_GIGBKcIvenAjFXpbmk85QoTqOv5viMH-GGV_rOEMFF6dtL_UYuMX1YRs-GpCTSMe0/s320/IMG_20190104_213351.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">C at about two months. Me at 42.</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">Many of my friends have older kids, and it seems as though they have been through what I'm dealing with so long ago. I'm always aware that I'm older than most of my mom friends, in particular the new ones I've made. But then again this is turning out to be more of a positive. Having friends of all ages is great, and think our lives can be all the richer for it. In fact, in recent years I've collected some new older friends as well, as I've got to know a lot of my mother-in-law's friends since she had her accident. </span></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Those friends of mine with older kids, they are a life saver. They can give me the perspective that every stage passes, and I am constantly reminded by them to treasure the moments I have now with my toddler, as he won't be one for very long. Also, who knew that older kids like babies and toddlers so much? When we were allowed to meet up with one other household over the summer, we got to actually enjoy spending time with some of our friends, as their kids happily played with and entertained C. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Another thing I really like about being a midlife mama is that I don't care what anyone thinks about my parenting decisions. I'm sure many people would be that way at any age, but for me -- someone who usually cares too much about what other people think anyway -- I don't think five or 10 years ago I would have had the same confidence in my own decisions. I have fed C the way I wanted, worked on his sleep in a way that felt right to us, and although I love to get other people's opinions, we are definitely doing things our way. </div><div>
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">The hub and I have also had a lot of fun and time the two of us already. Whether you're changing diapers, endlessly feeding (and cleaning up
after) your child, or just spending yet another Saturday night watching a
movie or a box set and eating take away it just doesn't seem like a sacrifice. We've partied, we've traveled and we've spent a lot of time working. Although at the moment, due to the pandemic, it feels like we'll never do any of those things ever again (apart from the working of course). </div></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">For me personally, I struggled a lot with my body in my 30s. I had chronic pain -- which is actually the reason I started this blog in the first place. I feel like I was lucky to have sorted out my pain issues prior to having a child as I can't imagine pregnancy, giving birth or even parenthood while in the middle of that mess. One of the things that has really surprised me about parenthood is how physical a job it really is. I look forward to the day that I have time to take a yoga or zumba class again, but I certainly don't feel like I need extra exercise as when C is around as I rarely get to sit down. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div>Instead of focusing on the negatives and my own insecurity, I'm trying to focus on the advantages and the positives of being an older parent, because I want to encourage those people that for whatever reason find themselves as parents at a slightly older age than the average. Because most days I'm just grateful I am lucky enough to be a parent to C at all. </div>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-52933254689615162392021-01-16T17:33:00.001+00:002021-01-16T17:33:21.237+00:00My Reading Year 2020<p>In 2020 I read a measly 11 books. I'm not too upset about that as I'm amazed I managed to get any reading done at all. When goodreads told me in early January I read that many I thought to myself, what were they?</p><p> </p><p>Unsurprisingly, three of out of the 11 were related to parenting, since as a new parent, that's something I'm trying to learn about it. And one of them was on potty training, which was essential. This isn't a parenting blog, so I won't go into any detail, but it was a good year to do this, what with having to be at home so much! </p><p><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNfk2giwELG6e9sc_kKQQPGOlYSymPX98kBvz2ijtqJF9niFH7tFIN7Im-gx7l7z5qIGV2P0nxCBaGM7Ggm_2Z1NcZUglnZb7bhL8RwJmBHrYOiSwAoymr7xpZXHzElRD7yDGrxbgTVpU/s4000/IMG_20210116_172843.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="3000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNfk2giwELG6e9sc_kKQQPGOlYSymPX98kBvz2ijtqJF9niFH7tFIN7Im-gx7l7z5qIGV2P0nxCBaGM7Ggm_2Z1NcZUglnZb7bhL8RwJmBHrYOiSwAoymr7xpZXHzElRD7yDGrxbgTVpU/s320/IMG_20210116_172843.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The way we used to live (above). The way we live now (below).</td></tr></tbody></table><p>Five of the books were book club books, as I made an attempt to keep up my reading so I could contribute to the group discussions (which happened virtually in 2020). I'm actually in two book groups now, something I have no business whatsoever in doing, as I can barely keep up with the reading for one. But a good friend asked me to join one she was starting up and I just really wanted to, so there you are. (I hope someone from my original book group reads this, as I've been too scared to tell them - feel like I'm cheating. Keep wanting to bring it up, and then I chicken out.)</p><p><br /></p><p>The last three books were research for my fiction writing. There were also many, many abandoned attempts at reading other books - too many to discuss or list. Let's just chalk it up to the pandemic. The big category that was missing for me last year: fiction <i>I</i> want to read. I think that should be something to add more of in 2021. </p><p><br /></p><p>My New Year's resolution is to really allow myself to start reading again. I've decided to do the Happier podcast <a href="https://gretchenrubin.com/2020/12/read-for-21-minutes-read21in21" target="_blank">reading challenge</a> this year: reading 21 minutes every day. I find small habits like these really add up over the long term. And so far in 2021, I've done it. Even if it means I have to stay up way later than I should.</p><p><br /></p><p>If you're interested in what I read this year, here's the full list with links to my (very short) Goodreads reviews:</p><p><br /></p><p>1. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3172228605" target="_blank">Toast: The Story of a Boy's Hunger by Nigel Slater</a> </p><p>2. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2792171204" target="_blank">Airhead: The Imperfect Art of Making News by Emily Maitlis</a></p><p>3. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3322060336" target="_blank">Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson</a> </p><p>4. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3353474951" target="_blank">The 8-minute Writing Habit: Create a Consistent Habit That Works With Your Busy Lifestyle (Growth Hacking for Storytellers) by Monica Leonelle</a></p><p>5. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3207514757" target="_blank">The Truth about Medium: Extraordinary Experiments with the Real Allison DuBois of NBC's Medium and Other Remarkable Psychic by Gary E. Schwartz with William Simon</a></p><p>6. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3377418105">Uncle Petros and Goldbach's Conjecture: A Novel of Mathematical Obsessions by by Apostolos Doxiadis</a></p><p>7. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3172230593" target="_blank">The Five: The Lives of Jack the Ripper's Women by Hallie Rubenhold</a></p><p>8. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3488637080" target="_blank">How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish</a></p><p>9. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3538003450" target="_blank">Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right by Jamie Glowacki</a></p><p>10. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3604941825" target="_blank">Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler: Tackling These Crazy Awesome Years—No Time-outs Needed by Jamie Glowacki</a></p><p>11. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3672119273">Babysitters Club Collection #1 by Ann M. Martin</a></p><p><br /></p><p>What did you read and what would you recommend? Get in touch or comment. Happy reading in 2021! </p>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-56539747765459721322021-01-06T14:57:00.001+00:002021-01-07T09:33:05.946+00:00Top Ten Saving Graces From 2020<p>Happy New Year! I don't think anyone is sad to see 2020 march out of here, and I'm no different, having found it an incredibly challenging year. </p><p><br /></p><p>Despite all of our efforts to be grateful for what we do have (and acknowledging that things could certainly be worse), there is a lot of loss and sadness out there - no matter our circumstances - with everyone suffering in their own unique way. </p><p><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwOVXAcvv9i_Vpr4MTC6EXTUOMTDsp86EUgGezulIffnrZoZixVrM41oqtZC7rxohmYZZEyVD56gPt3VBIuW2z0VHnFBV0v-y4EPZxJ1E2jqVubsFqZxfn4zBili-ts-vDnWq-8vex4Ak/s3456/IMG_20200404_204335_371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="3456" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwOVXAcvv9i_Vpr4MTC6EXTUOMTDsp86EUgGezulIffnrZoZixVrM41oqtZC7rxohmYZZEyVD56gPt3VBIuW2z0VHnFBV0v-y4EPZxJ1E2jqVubsFqZxfn4zBili-ts-vDnWq-8vex4Ak/s320/IMG_20200404_204335_371.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The two dudes I've been spending my days with.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>I've been working on a post about this for a while, but decided that with the year changing to 2021, and this being my first post back in quite some time, I wanted to try to write something more hopeful. Particularly as the U.K. enters its third lockdown. </p><p><br /></p><p>Therefore, I'm going to steal an idea from a blogger who wrote a great post on the <a href="https://www.wearsmymoney.com/shopping/8-things-that-were-great-for-me-in-2020/" target="_blank">good things that happened to her in 2020</a> (it's Kate Hiscox from <a href="https://www.wearsmymoney.com/" target="_blank">wearsmymoney</a>, an excellent fashion blog). I thought it would be a really helpful exercise to cast my thoughts back over the year and really think about what was good or just kept me afloat. Because even when there's a pandemic, life happens and we make progress in some way, no matter how it feels at the time. </p><p><br /></p><p>So here's my top ten list of saving graces in 2020:</p><p><br /></p><p>10. <i>Good T.V. </i>Yes, this seems trivial, but it wasn't. The Hub and I had a date nearly every night at 9 p.m. to watch something and eat our dinner. We discussed each show probably too much and I spent a lot of time wondering what I would have done if I was Carmela Soprano. But I felt like these narratives allowed my brain to escape every day from the less exciting narrative of my lockdown life. We watched all of the Sopranos, Ozark, Peaky Blinders, Last Kingdom, the Crown and the Queen's Gambit. We couldn't bear to watch Better Call Saul or Tiger King, even though we tried. Found both too depressing. </p><p><br /></p><p>9. <i>Routines. </i>I am a creature of habit and when our world collapsed into a very small one, I clung onto my routines for dear life. Our world got a bit bigger on June 1 when C's nursery opened back up, and the routine began to include nursery drop off and pick up, which was pretty exciting. But even knowing which day I would mop the kitchen floor (while listening to songs from musicals), helped anchor me somehow. </p><p><br /></p><p>8. <i>Ready meals</i>. With a toddler around we were not baking sour dough bread (although I still think all this alleged baking was drummed up by journalists trying to find something to write about). We managed to cook for C mostly, but for ourselves it was the local grocery stores providing a lot of our nourishment in the form of ready meals (which I think are actually pretty good in the U.K.). M&S, Sainsbury's, Co-op - I also found a gem in the great frozen food selection from Iceland on one of my many grocery trips out in lockdown. Who knew! It was also the only place in our neighborhood where I could find ketchup. </p><p><br /></p><p>7. <i>The summer reprieve</i>. In the U.K. restrictions eased a bit on July 1. The summer is now a very magical time in my memory when we were able to meet up with some friends and even go to restaurants. We spent a week at my Mother-in-law's and opened up the pool that had sat dormant for a long time. We even had the stroke of luck of a heat wave in what is usually a cool summer climate. It was so nice and <i>almost</i> felt like normal life for a bit. </p><p><br /></p><p>6. <i>Groups of friends</i>. Friends were a big help last year, but in particular groups of friends. My book clubs, local mom friends, and other small friendship groups (usually accompanied by WhatsApp chatting at all hours of the day and night). I even got to reconnect with my college friends as we did a Friday night virtual happy hour for a while. Although virtual socializing isn't the greatest, it was the best we could do and it helped cheer me up a lot. </p><p><br /></p><p>5. <i>My new writing coach.</i> I found a new friend and writing coach last year. As an "obliger" (if you're not aware, check out Gretchen Rubin's <a href="https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/" target="_blank">Four Tendencies</a> framework), I need external accountability, and she's helping me make some progress on my personal writing goals. It's a tough time, but life goes on, and hopefully this new partnership will mean inching a little closer to getting more of my writing out in the world. Watch this space. </p><p><br /></p><p>4. <i>Family. </i>Not being able to see my family who all live in the U.S. has been one of the hardest parts of the last year. But, they have still been there via the help of technology. Video calling has allowed C to keep developing a relationship with his grandparents and the rest of his American clan. And my mother gets the medal of the year for her virtual babysitting sessions. C calls her "Mama" as he can't say Grandma, and often will demand to "Call Mama" now. And she takes his calls any time. </p><p><br /></p><p>3. <i>The kindness of others.</i> The worst of times can really bring out the best in people. I've been touched by the kindness offered to us by so many in 2020. From the big things to the small - like the coffee guy by the train station who listens to me rabbit on after nursery drop off - it is uplifting to experience. </p><p><br /></p><p>2. <i>The Hub.</i> Of the two of us, I've found staying home the hardest and he has born the brunt of my anguish. He's stayed steady and supportive of me, dealing with a lot of tough things in his life, while also doing more than his fair share of the housework and the child care. I am so lucky to be locked down with him. </p><p><br /></p><p>1. <i>More time with C. </i>Juggling work and child care has not been easy, but we did it, and I think we're all closer because of it. Also, at the age of two, C can basically do a whole load of laundry on his own, even if I have to help him a little with the fabric softener. That would have never happened if life was more normal. </p><p><br /></p><p>I hope all of you are hanging in there, that you're staying safe and healthy, and that you also had some good things that happened to you in 2020. </p>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-36499491155350422392020-05-31T12:49:00.000+01:002020-05-31T12:49:42.153+01:00On (Not) Getting Things DoneThe last thing I feel like I am during this pandemic is productive. As one of my friends with small children said, "I feel like I have minus time." Between doing our day jobs, watching our son and all the cooking and housework, there's not time for much else. And when we do have down time, the Hub and I are either keeping in touch with friends and family or watching one episode of a T.V. series (we've finally made it through the Sopranos, so can maybe move into this decade now).<br />
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Thing is, my friends without kids tell me they don't necessarily feel like they are being productive either. I've made peace with the fact that this isn't a normal time -- there is a lot of stress and worry for everyone -- and just getting our work done, taking care of our son, and keeping everything ticking along without any major meltdowns is actually being productive. I've also lowered my standards -- on everything. <br />
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There are projects and things I would ideally like to do - especially with all this time in the house - but most of them are just going into the bucket of: <i>to do when I have child care again</i>. Case closed.<br />
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However, I thought this might be a good time to finally post my thoughts on the classic David Allen trademarked methodology: <i>Getting Things Done</i>.
I resisted reading this book for so long - it just seemed so complicated and systematic - which I guess is what an organizational system should be! It helped me finally read it when he released <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-free-Productivity/dp/0349408947/ref=asc_df_0349408947/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310831412334&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10231491839282784014&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9044965&hvtargid=pla-453688112802&psc=1&th=1&psc=1" target="_blank">a new version of the classic text</a> last year, and I had listened to some interviews with him around that time.<br />
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I've been test driving the methodology for the past six months and I have to say that even though there are times where I find myself drifting away from it, abandoning the discipline it creates, I always come back. Particularly right now, when I need to get things done, and have so little time.<br />
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If you have ever considered giving it a try, here are the reasons why I think it works:<br />
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<i>It focuses on decision making. </i>We are constantly bombarded with demands coming into our lives through various "inboxes". Emails, texts, phone calls, to-do items from meetings, ideas you come up with, assignments given to you, and even sometimes physical mail. One of the main tenets of Allen's system is that it forces you to make decisions about all these inputs. What is it that you actually want or need to do? You practice making decisions, over and over again. My Dad likes to remind me that one of the things that gets harder as you get older is making decisions. So I figure if I practice this more often I might not lose the skill quite as easily. <br />
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<i>The system is tailored to you and is fully adaptable to how you live and work. </i>There is no one app or computer program, there is no special journal you are advised to use. You have to figure out the best way for you to use this process. This means, however, that it is not a quick fix. But I am always, always skeptical of quick fixes. In fact, Allen suggests that it takes <i>two years </i>to get the full benefits of GTD. I like being given two years to get used to something<i>.</i><br />
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<i>It gets rid of what Allen calls the "open loop" - that nagging feeling that you just have so much to do you don't even know where to begin. </i>Instead of just a random to-do list, GTD helps you put everything you need to do in the right place so that nothing falls through the cracks. Allen explains that all the things that one person has to do are "open loops", meaning that your brain keeps trying to deal with these things until you have correctly classified them somewhere. And it's true - once you put something you need to do into the system, even if it's on a "someday/maybe" list where, let's face it, it might never get done, you can let go of it. <br />
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<i>GTD allows for the unpredictability of life.</i> It's a very nimble system which makes you able to drop whatever you are doing if something really urgent comes up, but allows you to be able to find your way back. So many time management systems or lists are just too rigid -- such as trying to block out time on your calendar or making a "today" to-do list. How annoying is it to plan to do something at a particular time or day and to see it just not get done?<br />
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<i>Next-action steps helps combat procrastination. </i>Everyone says having kids helps eliminate procrastination and that may be true to some extent, because you realize that kid-free concentration time is precious. But I'm pretty sure this wears off eventually as (pre-pandemic) I had already figured out ways to claw back a bit more time and the procrastination was creeping back in. But because "next-action steps" as Allen defines them, are very clear cut, it's a lot easier to avoid procrastination as doing things takes much less thought and energy (you've already done the decision-making, as per above, you see).<br />
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There's no way I can explain his methodology in one blog post --
besides, there are so many other zealots out there that do this -- but I just wanted to give readers a window into why I think it's something worth checking out if they're interested. It is still early days for me of experimenting with it, but I do feel like Allen's system addresses all the problems I had encountered with all my attempts to organize myself prior. I honestly wish I had read it years ago. And when life goes back to being a little bit more normal (someday!), I am hoping it may actually help me get those draft books finished!<br />
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Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4483048">mohamed Hassan</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4483048">Pixabay</a>
Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-89747595971808439262020-04-11T15:16:00.000+01:002020-04-12T09:56:38.040+01:00My Child, The Zen MasterIt's hard at the moment to know what to say from lock down in the middle of a pandemic. The Hub and I have now been in our house -- apart from daily walks with the Little Guy for exercise and to buy groceries -- for nearly four weeks. We are spending our time working a lot, watching a nearly-18-month-old child and cooking and cleaning. It's surreal and exhausting.<br />
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But we are lucky. We -- and our friends and families -- are healthy (for now). We still have jobs. The wifi is strong. We have enough food and coffee and chocolate and booze. Six seasons of the Sopranos may be a little retro, but it is taking our minds off of things. Our marriage still seems intact and we are getting to see the Little Guy grow and develop at a magical
age where he is suddenly wanting to be a little autonomous adult. <br />
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There are so many people out there who are really suffering right now and I wish they weren't. Whether it's the kind of tragedy we see in the news, or the kind that only that individual knows behind closed
doors, I think with life as it was turned upside down, every person has their own personal cross to bear. <br />
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I suppose like with all crises, whether you are directly affected or not, you're basically just trying to get through the day in one piece, and will figure everything else out when you're out the other side. And although I am finding that having a very young child in this situation is tough, it is actually also a big blessing.<br />
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Because having a child is like living with a sometimes irritating pint-sized zen master.<br />
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Children live in the present moment. Just like they don't understand the idea
of having to get out of the bath in five minutes, they also don't worry about what isn't happening now to them. The Little Guy isn't worried about running out of loo roll (although he doesn't use the stuff to be fair), or pasta or rice. He isn't worried about much, in fact, other than where his next rich tea biscuit is coming from, or where that ball that he just threw ended up. <br />
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One of my favorite things to do is just watch him play. Fascinated with the pull chain on a window blind or a coaster or whatever is new favorite toy -- sometimes just one of our remote controls. It is a little like time stands still if I can just relax and be with him in the moment. I say I haven't had time for meditation since he's been born, but I am getting some in when I'm with him -- and allow myself to be <i>really</i> with him. <br />
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I had a lot of plans for this year, especially as I felt like I was just emerging from the post-maternity leave haze. And now of course, the Universe is clearly laughing at me. In the meantime, I'm just going to try to slow down, do whatever I can to help others when it's possible, appreciate what I have, and stay in the moment with the Little Guy.<br />
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I hope all of you are doing O.K. in these difficult times. Write to me, tell me how you are. And for those of you who are key workers on the front lines -- or supporting them -- I have so much respect and gratitude for what you are doing. Thank you. Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-11698476314896285242020-02-02T11:10:00.003+00:002020-02-02T11:10:28.699+00:00My Reading Year - 2019In 2019, I read 12 books, which I think isn't too bad going for a year in which I spent most of my time taking care of a baby. Audio books were a godsend -- I did a lot of "reading" while pushing a pram around the mean streets of Streatham, on my way to swimming lessons and sensory classes.<br />
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This also explains why four of the 12 books were parenting ones -- two on weaning, one on talking to toddlers and the last on everything in-between from the Baby Whisperer. I'm not sure I read 100% of the latter as I skipped around so much, but I did read many sections more than once as I grasped for some way to get the Little Guy to sleep through the night or wake up later in the morning. So I'm definitely counting it.<br />
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It turned out to be a very non-fiction kind of year -- 10 of the 12 were from that category. Although I wouldn't say that meant that they were boring. In fact, quite the opposite. The Spy and the Traitor from Ben MacIntyre was riveting, Educated by Tara Westover was jaw-dropping, and Death at the Priory by James Ruddick made quite the impact on me as I walked nearby to where it all took place in Balham. A crime that was equivalent in popularity to the real-crime docudramas people binge watch today. <br />
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The only non-fiction read that I'm sure others might mock me for, was the classic self-help Getting Things Done, which I actually found extremely helpful. Enough to have written a full post on it, which I haven't published yet, so not sure if I can win the prize for getting things done. But watch this space.<br />
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I seemed to enjoy everything I read - my average rating for 2019 was 4.3 stars (out of five). I gave five of the books five stars, six of them four stars and only one three stars. Perhaps I was just ecstatic to be reading anything. <br />
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There were also quite a few unfinished books that littered my reading path. My treat of reading a Marian Keyes book by the pool was not very successful. I only read half of it when the Hub and I took turns sitting by the pool reading in 20 minute intervals during our holiday. Then I never picked it up again. I will now have to re-read the whole thing this year by the pool and not get to the second half again.<br />
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I also abandoned Kill Your Friends, which I was reading for a second time for book club. I forgot how violent and sexuality explicit it was -- now that I'm a mom I was shocked!<br />
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And Andre Agassi's autobiography: so long. I'd still like to finish it, but I think I started it back in 2018, so let's see. <br />
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If you're interested in the detail, below is a full list of the books with a link to my (short) Goodreads reviews. Happy reading in 2020 everyone!<br />
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1. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2659213105" target="_blank">Death at the Priory: Love, Sex and Murder in Victorian England by James Ruddick</a><br />
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2. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2733326425" target="_blank">Educated by Tara Westover</a><br />
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3. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2767450673" target="_blank">Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter & Organize to Make More Room for Happiness by Gretchen Rubin</a><br />
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4. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2733326114" target="_blank">Baby-led Weaning: Helping Your Baby to Love Good Food by Gill Rapley</a> <br />
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5. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2828793062" target="_blank">The Spy and the Traitor: The Greatest Espionage Story of the Cold War by Ben MacIntyre</a><br />
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6. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2828794294" target="_blank">Weaning Made Easy Baby-Led and Purees Your Way by Rana Conway</a><br />
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7. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2659213564" target="_blank">The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding and Behaviour -- Beyond the Basics, from Infancy to Toddlerhood by Tracey Hogg & Melinda Blau</a><br />
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8. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2908980678" target="_blank">Becoming Whole by Mindy Tsai</a><br />
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9. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1511585252" target="_blank">State of Wonder by Ann Patchett</a><br />
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10. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3030586316" target="_blank">My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite</a><br />
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11. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3030605620" target="_blank">Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen</a><br />
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12. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3046034415" target="_blank">How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber & Julie King</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-77363378746308956052019-09-15T12:01:00.002+01:002019-09-15T12:25:31.230+01:00Sharing Is CaringIn August I went back to work, nearly 10 months after the Little Guy was born. I felt very mixed about it as I was sad to leave my son, but also happy to get some of my old life back. But it was even more complicated than that, because I was giving up some of my legal maternity leave to my husband.<br />
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And this was harder for me than I thought it would be.<br />
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I spent the whole first nine months of my son's life being his primary caregiver. I ended up breastfeeding him (something I never ever expected). I was the one up in the middle of the night, the one spending the bare minimum of 12 to 13 hours a day taking
care of him. So even though I often used the Hub as sounding board, and as a constant support, at the end of the day, he always deferred to me, letting me be the final decision maker on anything child care related.<br />
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But those days are over. We are exercising our right in the U.K. to what is called Shared Parental Leave (SPL). The idea is that parents can now share the 12-month legal maternity
leave allowed by law. So I took nine months of leave from work and the Hub is taking three months.<br />
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Three months isn't that long, but I think it's huge step forward for women's rights, and even more importantly, for all parents' rights.<br />
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For a control freak like me, it's been hard to go back to work and let go of all the influence I had over the Little Guy's life. When we had a few weeks of overlap -- which we called "Baby Boot Camp" -- the Hub questioned my organization of the diaper bag(s) attached to the stroller (pram), and it drove me nuts. The Hub also didn't want the Little Guy to wear onesies (bodysuits) anymore -- too difficult to snap -- and would put clothes on him that I would have never chosen. He was right about the stroller, and the other things didn't matter.<br />
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I think we've done pretty well so far, with only one significant disagreement over child-rearing methods. But when we were discussing our views, there was a part of me that wanted to rescind my agreement to forfeit all my legal leave. After all, was I making a mistake? You can never get this time back.<br />
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But then, in order for something like SPL to really work, for it to become socially acceptable, for both men and women to become comfortable with it, we all have to give a little. There are men who have to take the plunge at work, to grit their teeth and deal with a snigger or the fear of what it could do to their career. And there are women who have to give up a little bit of their leave, and time with their kid, to be O.K. if their baby is breastfed a little less.<br />
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And then there's the positive impact on the child. I keep having to remind myself that the Little Guy is benefiting from having more people in his life to care for him. After all, when we spent 10 days in the U.S. over the summer and he had lots of family members around to take care of him and dote on him, I could see the positive benefits. He seemed more well-adjusted already.<br />
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Finally, sharing the care taking is having a great impact on both the Hub and me. He gets it now, in a way he never did before and I feel like more than ever we are partners. We are also so lucky to be able to take advantage of this -- not everyone can. So while I do get a twinge of jealousy when the Hub sends me photos of the Little Guy at music class or sleeping in his stroller during a walk, I have to remember it's all for the best for all three of us, and appreciate the small fact that at least I can drink a hot beverage at my desk without being interrupted. Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-25654558981526204762019-09-01T10:10:00.000+01:002019-09-15T12:02:23.598+01:00Top Ten Things For Moms-To-BeTwo of my friends are very recently pregnant! I couldn't be more thrilled for them -- and so I decided to finally roll out this post that I have been writing in my head for oh, the last ten months or so (the Little Guy turned 10 months just last week).<br />
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Of course the list of what I have learned is probably close to infinite. But I've tried to boil it down to what would be my key advice -- if anyone asked me. </div>
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1. <i>Don't buy any toys or cute clothes.</i> People will get you loads of these things. And really, it's for the best. As a new parent you don't know what you will need really - and all the clothes and toys we were given were absolutely great. We used/are using them all. </div>
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2. <i>Audio books.</i> Over the last 10 months this is the only way I have been able to do any reading. Listening to a book while pushing a stroller (pram), or feeding, is great "me" time. Podcasts work too, but I felt like I was actually doing something really self-indulgent by reading a book. Also good on a plane with a baby on your lap.</div>
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3. <i>Do some feeding research.</i> If you're planning to try breastfeeding (or not), do some feeding research. I actually didn't want to breastfeed, but the hormones kicked in and suddenly I wanted to. I wish I had actually understood more about it before attempting it. It all worked out O.K. in the end, but it was a very rocky start. On the same vein - buy bottles and formula ahead of time just in case. Even if you're breastfeeding, you will probably also need bottles. </div>
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4. <i>Wear support tights.</i> I wore some cheap Boots support tights every day throughout my pregnancy even though we had one of the hottest summers on record in the U.K. I never had swollen ankles and all my shoes fit the whole time. Some people wouldn't care, but this felt like a huge victory to me. </div>
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5. <i>Pick a guru.</i> My guru has been Tracey Hogg, A.K.A. the Baby Whisperer. Her book has been my bible the past 10 months because simply, everything she says makes sense to me and has worked. But you have to find an expert who resonates with you. I didn't follow her for weaning, but that is a whole other post...<br />
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6. <i>Find a group. </i>The Hub and I did a prenatal class (or as they say here antenatal) through an organization called the National Childcare Trust (NCT). It was one of the smartest things we did. There were eight couples in our group and all the babies were born within 2 weeks of each other. These ladies have been my lifeline over the past 10 months - I don't know what I would have done without them. We meet up at least once a week, if not more, and are constantly supporting each other through all our parenting wobbles. They are also all a lot of fun!<br />
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7. <i>Do things your way.</i> Every baby is different, and every parent is different. It's hard not to compare yourself with others, but you have to do things the way that feels right to you. You can read and read about the best way to manage whatever issue you're dealing with -- morning sickness, sleep, feeding etc. -- but there's unfortunately no "right" way. I was constantly reading completely conflicting advice. Do the research, but then go with your gut.<br />
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8. <i>Sometimes think: "My only job is..."</i> Pregnancy and parenting is overwhelming. So it sometimes helps to forget about the rest of the world and focus on the job at hand. After all, it is a new job, and like any new job, it's exhausting and you need to focus. Especially in the early days of the Little Guy's life, it helped to think: "My only job is feeding this baby." Nothing else mattered at that one moment, and that helped me to cope.<br />
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9. <i>Accept help. </i>Especially, in our case, if it comes in the form of your mother offering to come for the birth and stay for two months -- including <i>Christmas!</i> I don't know how we would have survived without her. It allowed us to be human, to shower and eat, and even have people come over to see the new baby and drink prosecco and eat cake with us.<br />
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10. <i>Be grateful for the wonderful things at each stage. </i>I feel this will continue to be something to live by. Children are always changing and there are great things -- and of course challenges -- at each stage. There have been many times when I was wishing away some difficult stage, but tried to keep in mind that the magical bits of that stage would disappear as well. So you have to appreciate the new fun things and bear with the challenges. It's just going to be the way.<br />
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I'm back at work now, while the Hub runs Daddy Day Care in our home until the Little Guy turns one. So hopefully this means more frequent posts from me again. Congratulations again A and C! Hope something from this post helps you in some way. </div>
Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-69452427827978704002019-03-03T09:30:00.000+00:002019-09-01T10:45:50.446+01:00Wherever You Go, There You AreWherever you go, there you are. Which in some ways is comforting. You can't escape yourself, but maybe that also means that you can never really lose yourself either.<br />
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In October, our son was born. About two weeks before his due date. He was breach and surrounded by very little amniotic fluid, so the NHS consultant wanted him out early, and by c-section. (I wasn't too disappointed about this, particularly after the fact, having heard the screams of the women in labor as I strolled to the operating room).<br />
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And just like that, we were no longer only me and the Hub, but now there was a Little Guy in the mix too.<br />
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Our lives are different now, but I suppose what has surprised me the most throughout my pregnancy, and as I've become a mother, is how much of me is still here. Perhaps it's the way that everyone talks about the life-changing experience of becoming a parent that I wondered if I would suddenly find myself another person.<br />
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I am certainly more sleep deprived and crazy. I picture one of us accidentally letting go of the pram on the steep hill that runs behind our house and the Little Guy ending up in a tree, like in one of the Babar stories. And one night, I made the Hub lock all the windows upstairs and hide the key, as if somehow our infant could hop out of his crib and catapult himself out a window -- when at the moment he can only just about hold his head up.<br />
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Throughout my pregnancy and these first four months, there are certainly parts of motherhood that are universal. The conversations with the lovely women who comprised my NCT prenatal class - in person and on our whatsapp group - have shown me that I am not alone in finding feeding my child one of the most difficult things I have ever undertaken. We all dread the inoculations our babies seem to need every 4 weeks, and we all seem to think our own child was crying the most in the mom and baby class at the GP surgery.<br />
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But in spite of these universities (and some others), I am certainly still shockingly me. As the weeks wear on aspects of my pre-baby personality are emerging more and more, this feels comforting and grounding, in a way I haven't felt since my world suddenly got turned on its head. I've got the Little Guy into a routine -- because I like, and need, a routine. I've got him signed up for classes now that he is a little older and awake for slightly longer during the day, but more because I like classes. And although I eschewed parenting books beforehand -- which is surprising for me -- I now spend a lot of my very spare time reading child-rearing books.<br />
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One of the most amazing things about this whole experience is how everyone approaches things differently. You have to I suppose, because you bring so much to the game in terms of your personality, your strength and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes. And because taking care of a little being who really isn't very well-developed when he or she emerges from the womb is just really tough, you have to do things in a way where you can survive -- and eventually thrive, as I think this is the only way your child will end up thriving.<br />
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People are so different, so people make completely different parents. And that's O.K. Because all children are different too. And as long as they are loved -- and don't end up in a tree -- I think things might be alright.Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-65194686542792622542018-10-07T10:36:00.002+01:002018-10-07T10:36:54.319+01:00Super Physio ReturnsI haven't written about Super Physio for a very long time. When I first started this blog she featured heavily as initially it was about my very long and difficult struggle with chronic neck and back pain. (If you are interested in the back story, you can read the <a href="http://mindbodyandscroll.blogspot.com/p/background-story.html" target="_blank">The Whole Story</a>.)<br />
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But all you really need to know for now is that I suffered with chronic pain for many years and Super Physio helped me fix it -- although towards the end, to get better 100%, I had to help myself fix it.<br />
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I always knew, however, that if I got pregnant, I would go back to see her, to make sure that I didn't end up with any back or hip pain in pregnancy -- as it's common in normal women, and I happen to be hypermobile (i.e. bendy), meaning that I am even more at risk.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bump - 34 weeks</td></tr>
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It's been great to see her again. She really is a super lady, very knowledgeable, very calming too. I can't even hate her for giving me at least one hour of exercises to do daily -- split into two sessions: morning and night. I'm certainly not enjoying them, in fact, they are really getting really old at this point, since I've been doing them religiously since well before halfway through the pregnancy and I reached 35 weeks this past Wednesday.<br />
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I find it interesting as I haven't thought that much recently about the time in my life when I was in chronic pain -- it seems so long ago (I stopped seeing Super Physio in 2014). I'm a different person now. More sure of myself, more able to stand up for what I need and take care of myself, instead of crumbling into a heap of pain and fear.<br />
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And although there are of course disadvantages to being an (ahem) somewhat older mom, one of the main advantages I've found is that although pregnancy is clearly difficult -- I've suffered from pretty bad nausea, heartburn and of course the slog of hours on the floor doing my physio exercises -- it is definitely not the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with physically or emotionally.<br />
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Of course, I still have to make it through the last few weeks to term and of course, childbirth. So watch this space. But for now, I can at least be reminded of how far I've come since my chronic pain, and feel pretty incredulous that I've made it almost the whole way through a pregnancy without it returning. Super Physio can really hold onto her title.Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-91761983397206769192018-07-29T10:41:00.000+01:002018-07-29T10:41:12.149+01:00Sandwiches, Cakes and Scones, Oh My!If there's one British tradition I truly love, it's afternoon tea. I feel like the British are the only people in the world who actually understand the need to sit down and have a rest and a very good snack in the late afternoon. Because three meals a day isn't really enough, is it?<br />
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I think Anna Maria Russell, duchess of Bedford, who began the afternoon tea tradition in the early 1800s, was very sensible. At the time, a light lunch was served around noon, but dinner was not until a fashionable 8 p.m. at night, so there was a long stretch of day in which to become very hungry. So Anna got in the habit of eating some bread and butter, cake and drinking tea around 4 or 5 p.m. to stave off the hunger pangs.<br />
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Although I am clearly not a duchess in that time period -- or a duchess at all, like some other Americans living in the U.K. -- the long stretch without food is a problem for me too. As not-a-huge-breakfast eater, I tend to eat lunch at noon. By the time I'm finished with work and home again, it is often 8 p.m. or even later. (For the record, I am eating breakfast now that I am pregnant.)<br />
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So I tend to eat a snack around 4-5 p.m. and drink a cup of tea. How I wish that my afternoon snack and drink could be amazing as a real afternoon tea. If you've never had it, you must try it sometime. It's one of my favorite things to recommend to tourists to London (or the U.K. in general). My friend Kelly and I regularly go out to fancy ones in London -- she's an expert at finding cool ones, like the Willy Wonka-themed one we dined on earlier this year. Note the candy floss (cotton candy) as a very cool special effects extra.<br />
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If you've never had afternoon tea, here is how it works. It usually consists of selecting a pot of tea (the selection is always very overwhelming and includes herbal as well as black, white and green tea). Then there's the food. First a selection of small sandwiches arrives -- and yes the crusts are always cut off. Traditionally these would be cucumber and cream cheese, smoked salmon, coronation chicken (which is like chicken salad, but a little spicier), ham, and last but not least egg mayonnaise (what they call egg salad in the U.K.). The egg mayonnaise usually has watercress in it. The best part? They will give you as many of these little sandwiches as you want (afternoon tea is usually not cheap, so eat up).<br />
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Then come all the little cakes. Miniature versions of whatever the pastry chef has dreamed up, so you can taste a huge variety. But my favorite part by far is the scones, spread with clotted cream and jam. It's hard to describe how good this tastes. From what I understand is that you can't even get clotted cream in the U.S. My Mom and Aunt Pat tried and failed this summer. They even attempted to make it from scratch but then couldn't find regular cream as you need the unpasturized kind and that isn't sold anywhere they could locate.<br />
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I've clearly converted my Mom. When she was as in town in April, I took her to my absolute favorite one in London -- Fortnum & Mason's <a href="https://www.fortnumandmason.com/restaurants/diamond-jubilee-tea-salon" target="_blank">Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon</a>. It is quite the experience there. A live pianist plays in the background as you eat your miniature sandwiches, cakes and scones. (Even the little guy likes afternoon tea. After we had our meal I had a very early ultrasound scan scheduled and we saw him dancing around on the screen.)<br />
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Of course, when you're paying for it, you can have afternoon tea at any time of day really. Sometimes I like to schedule it for lunch, because then you can really dig in.<br />
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But someday, I plan to eat a proper afternoon tea every day. I just need to figure out how to make this a reality.<br />
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<br />Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-44317086771795507332018-07-07T11:50:00.000+01:002018-07-07T11:50:48.269+01:00The Best Laid Plans...Hello, I'm back.<br />
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It has been a long while since I posted a blog -- four months in fact.<br />
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This year has been a very good lesson in the fact that the best laid plans sometimes just don't matter.<br />
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At the start of the year I laid out some intentions, including my New Year's Resolution not to work on Saturdays anymore. There were a lot of things I wanted to do. Like go ice skating once a month and finish the re-write of my memoir. And in January, I diligently spent a small amount of time most days of the week (apart from Saturdays) working on said re-write. The hub and I went ice skating on a Friday night after work in Streatham and I was pretty excited that we would keep up that new habit. I was going to even buy some ice skates the first weekend in February.<br />
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<br />
And then.<br />
<br />
It seems really silly to talk about ice skating during one of the hottest spells in London I can remember. But that's kind of the way the year has gone. It was January and now it's July. On the last day of January, my mother-in-law had a terrible fall and a subsequent brain hemorrhage. She was in the hospital for 10 weeks and was transferred to a neuro-rehabilitation facility after that. We are now in the process of moving her home with full-time care.<br />
<br />
When things like this happen you would be surprised just how fast you drop everything else that is going on. It has not been easy, but it has also shown me how supportive everyone we know -- our friends, family, work colleagues -- could be. Everyone has been simply amazing.<br />
<br />
And then as this wasn't life-changing enough, there's also something else.<br />
<br />
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<br />
The hub and I will be having a baby boy! In November. Which is pretty exciting (in a thrilling, roller coaster ride way).<br />
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<br />
So that's where we are. Wanted to fill in all of you lovely readers on what's been going on, because I've really missed blogging and want to get back to it. I have lots of ideas for things to say, and luckily seem to have found that second-trimester energy boost "they" talk about. Now if the heat wave would just subside!<br />
<br />
I look forward to returning to our ongoing conversation.Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-6408006153299145642018-03-04T10:50:00.000+00:002018-03-04T10:50:46.495+00:00Let It Go (Or Rest)I finished the first draft of my novel in late September. And as good as this felt, as a writer, I know that writing is actually all about re-writing, so as I crept to the finish line, I knew that this was only just the beginning.<br />
<br />
So the question became: What now?<br />
<br />
It didn't take me long to decide that I would let it "rest". I think I need a bit of space and distance from it to feel less attached, so that when I do read it and decide on the editing strategy, I won't be as crushed as the first time that I read my memoir.<br />
<br />
You see, the novel is not the only "first draft" I have hanging around at the moment. Back in 2015, I wrote a memoir about moving to the U.K. and my first year here. I've heard that your first book is like throwing up on the page, and I have to say that after re-reading my memoir I understand that completely. <br />
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<br />
When I read the memoir for the first time, I simply cried. And no, my work did not move me to tears of great emotion. These were big salty tears of self pity and wallowing, and possibly shock. It was so bad!<br />
<br />
Although there were (very small) parts of it that I liked, it just
didn't hang together in the way a book should. And fair enough, it was
my first attempt to write a whole book. It's not like I could expect to
be good at it. But I guess I didn't expect it to be <i>that</i> bad. <br />
<br />
As I worked on my novel over the past year, there was that nagging feeling, however, that I needed to do something about the first 60,000 words I toiled away at. In the back of my mind as I hacked away at the novel, I wondered what I should do with the first manuscript (and nothing was a definite possibility as well). <br />
<br />
I think I wasn't really ready to deal with it -- I needed some distance before I could let anyone read it, let alone edit it. But in the end, I knew it needed to be done. So over the summer I got back in touch with the editor I had first chatted with about the book. She was still interested, and so I shut my eyes and attached it to an email and sent it over to Boston for a read through.<br />
<br />
I was nervous, but I knew that this particular editor at least likes my writing and is also the kind of person who would be careful enough with my frail ego (my financial writing ego is a lot tougher), even if she came back and said the book needs a complete re-write (which it does). Sure enough, she was nice about it, but came back with very specific and helpful notes on what I could do to improve the book. Everything she said made complete sense.<br />
<br />
I think it was really helpful that I had left the book for a while to get some distance from it. Attachment to the work we have done (made worse by the back-breaking work), can sometimes be a real block to improving it.<br />
<br />
So since September I've been letting the novel have some rest and relaxation. And in the meantime I've been rewriting the memoir, with the hope of having a new draft ready to send back to my editor as soon as I can. It's back-breaking work as well. But hopefully it will mean that no one will ever again read it and cry (in a bad way).
<br />
<br />
Photo credit: Sharon Drummond <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/28085418@N07/4487159833">#ds139 "Writer's Block"</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-79906837648735225642018-01-21T11:52:00.001+00:002018-01-21T11:53:18.048+00:00Bulls eye!Darts is one of those things I have absolutely no interest in. Whatsoever.<br />
<br />
So it was a bit weird when I started to become obsessed with an old game show here in the U.K. called <a href="http://www.ukgameshows.com/ukgs/Bullseye" target="_blank"><i>Bullseye</i></a>, which involves darts. Let me explain.<br />
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<br />
It all started out innocently enough as I found watching repeats of <i>Who Wants to be a Millionaire, </i>on the game show channel here called "Challenge", very soothing. With everything that's going on in the world, and the constant crush of information and hysteria on social media that's out there, this game show harks back to a more innocent time -- where the possibility of winning a million pounds could apparently fix a person's life.<br />
<br />
But then something caught my attention. I noticed there was a show after <i>Millionaire</i>, involving the puzzling combination of darts playing and quiz questions. In this show, which aired mostly in the 1980s and 90s, three teams of contestants compete for money and prizes. One person plays darts and the other answers questions. It makes absolutely no sense why these two skills are linked together on the same show, but it certainly hasn't stopped me from finding the whole thing mesmerizing.<br />
<br />
There's just the strangeness of the concept, but it's also the fact that I love getting a glimpse into something that existed before I moved to this country. It's a window into a time gone by.<br />
<br />
The really strange thing when you move to another country is that you don't know the history. After 15 years of living in this country I have a pretty good knowledge of local celebrities and culture, but it only starts in 2002. Most things before that need to be explained to me (including <a href="http://mindbodyandscroll.blogspot.co.uk/2017/10/the-artful-jammy-dodger.html" target="_blank">biscuits</a>). I didn't know who Jimmy Saville even was, and I hadn't ever seen that video clip of Prince Charles saying "whatever love is" (jerk).<br />
<br />
So <i>Bulleye</i> gives me a glimpse. There's a bit at the beginning where Jim Bowen the host (with his dulcet calming tones) introduces the sets of guests and asks them to tell their funny anecdotes or asks them socially awkward questions like "So why is it that you're between jobs?". Most of the time the accents are so strong that I can't really understand what they're saying. I also don't get the jokes, because the audience is already laughing while I'm still trying to figure out what they've said, let alone why it's funny. It seems like Britain was a different place back then, or at least one that is more foreign to me than the place I live in now.<br />
<br />
It's also a reminder -- particularly in these times -- at how much we have moved on at least from overt sexism. Bowen's instinctive "good girl" when a woman answers a quiz question correctly is incredibly jarring and something you would never see now.<br />
<br />
When you look beyond that one grating verbal tick, Bowen is a nice calming host. He's always reminding the players that it's "early days" when they get the first quiz question wrong. And he tells them not worry when they are knocked out and really talks up the consolation prizes. He's also always invoking "Bully" when he speaks -- the cartoon bull mascot of the show -- as if he is very much real. I certainly believe!<br />
<br />
I wonder if British expats in America enjoy seeing old episodes of the <i>Price is Right </i>with Bob Barker as much as I enjoy watching <i>Bullseye</i>. I wouldn't be surprised. But I feel it's really not fair. There is no American game show that is quite as cool. Or maybe it's that novelty always wins out. If it's new to you...<br />
<br />
Have you ever stumbled on something cultural from the past that intrigues you?<br />
<br />
Photo credit: Leo Reynolds <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/49968232@N00/6156876629">dartboard</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-54974015542250237992018-01-07T10:55:00.001+00:002018-01-07T10:55:50.255+00:00My Reading YearAfter reading my New Year's Resolution <a href="http://mindbodyandscroll.blogspot.co.uk/2017/12/not-being-enemy-of-fun.html" target="_blank">post</a>, one of my readers asked me more specifically about which 28 books I read in 2017, so this post is for him (and the rest of you too).<br />
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<br />
(As an aside: I love getting reader requests for blog posts. If you have something you want me to write about, please comment or email me at mindbodyandscroll [at] yahoo.com.)<br />
<br />
It's easy to see what I read this year as I keep track on goodreads. I love this site as I can see what my other reader friends are reading and I can also keep track of books I want to read as well. In my list of books at the bottom of this post I've linked to my (very short) reviews on the site. Although in fairness, they are not so much reviews as my thoughts on each book.<br />
<br />
Some stats on my year:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>28 books equated to 7,668 pages. </li>
<li>I gave 14% of the books five stars, 53% four stars, 29% three stars and 4% one star (this was only one book: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2090143104?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Peculiar Life of a Lonely Postman</a>. I cannot recommend it.)</li>
<li>The list was almost evenly split between fiction and non-fiction, although non-fiction edged ahead at 54% . </li>
<li>The longest book I read was <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1401618595?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">A Little Life</a> and the shortest: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2053108260?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Why Yoga Works</a>.</li>
<li>Eight books (29%) were for my book group (in the list below I have marked these with an asterisk).</li>
<li>I know personally the authors of five books I read this year (18%). And hopefully I will be meeting the author of one more book in April when she visits London! </li>
<li>Six of the books (21%) were independently published. </li>
</ul>
<br />
It's really hard to pick a favorite book of the year, but I probably should. The winner in this case is <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2195380633?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Alias Grace</a> by Margaret Atwood.<br />
<br />
And two books I read were related to research for my novel. One was written by a psychic profiler and one by a shaman. (Have I mentioned that my novel is a cross between chick lit and Gothic horror?)<br />
<br />
And now, for the full list (in the order I read them):<br />
<br />
1. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1902356925?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Ark Baby</a>* by Liz Jensen<br />
<br />
2. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1928264312?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">A Thousand Cuts: A Spike Sanguinetti Novel</a> by Thomas Mogford<br />
<br />
3. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1928265265?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Swimming Home</a>* by Deborah Levy<br />
<br />
4. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1255465302?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Woman Who Stole My Life</a> by Marian Keyes<br />
<br />
5. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1928265423?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Hidden Figures</a>* by Margot Lee Shetterly<br />
<br />
6. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1346824.The_Reluctant_Shaman" target="_blank">The Reluctant Shaman</a> by Kay Cordell Whitaker<br />
<br />
7. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1861818062?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">March</a>* by Geraldine Brooks<br />
<br />
8. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1401618595?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">A Little Life</a> by Hanya Yanagihara<br />
<br />
9. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2053108260?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Why Yoga Works</a> by Cinnamon Kennedy<br />
<br />
10. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2050833785?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Tales from Suburbia</a> by Claire Buss<br />
<br />
11. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7062.Paris_to_the_Moon" target="_blank">Paris to the Moon</a> by Adam Gopnik<br />
<br />
12. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15820339-instant-mom" target="_blank">Instant Mom</a> by Nia Vardalos<br />
<br />
13. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2019261529?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Line of Beauty</a>* by Alan Hollinghurst<br />
<br />
14. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1708372894?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Lives and Loves of a He Devil</a> by Graham Norton<br />
<br />
15. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2090143104?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Peculiar Life of a Lonely Postman</a>* by Denis Theriault<br />
<br />
16. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2173615515?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Rose Thief</a> by Claire Buss<br />
<br />
17. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2126373726?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Four Tendencies</a> by Gretchen Rubin<br />
<br />
18. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2105211365?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">An Angel on Her Shoulder</a> by Dan Alatorre<br />
<br />
19. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1987521688?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Flash Boys</a> by Michael Lewis<br />
<br />
20. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2116549925?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">A Walk in the Woods</a>* by Bill Bryson<br />
<br />
21. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1204240.Don_t_Kiss_Them_Goodbye" target="_blank">Don't Kiss Them Goodbye</a> by Allison DuBois<br />
<br />
22. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2167354622?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">A Far Cry from Kensington</a> by Muriel Spark<br />
<br />
23. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2173620616?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Town Below the Ground</a> by Jan-Andrew Henderson<br />
<br />
24. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16256798-the-one-thing" target="_blank">The One Thing</a> by Gary Keller<br />
<br />
25. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2195380633?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Alias Grace</a>* by Margaret Atwood<br />
<br />
26. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2215759026?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Escape the Cubicle</a> by Sukhi Jutla<br />
<br />
27. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2080820193?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n Roll and a Tiara</a> by Beverly Diehl<br />
<br />
28. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2229394747?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1" target="_blank">The Princess Diarist</a> by Carrie Fisher<br />
<br />
*A Northern Line Book Group book<br />
<br />
What did you read in 2017? What would you recommend?<br />
<br />
Photo credit: suzyhazelwood <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/139228535@N05/34970385545">DSC00759-02</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">(license)</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-90004458304192878132017-12-28T10:26:00.001+00:002017-12-28T10:26:44.761+00:00Not Being The Enemy Of FunI really do like picking one New Year's resolution. There's something about the simplicity of it that appeals and makes it manageable.<br />
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Although last year I made my one resolution and unfortunately it didn't really stick. I wanted to meditate four days per week. Looking back over the year (because I have been tracking it, of course), I still averaged only two-three days per week. I'm not too worried though -- establishing a regular meditation practice is really hard -- and even meditating once a week is better than nothing.<br />
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There was one resolution that I made in 2017, however, that was technically not a New Year's resolution, but stuck a lot better and really changed my enjoyment of one particular aspect of my life. I decided early on in the year to finish every single book I started -- no exceptions. I really stuck to it and I enjoyed more books than I thought I would -- even the ones that I struggled to get into. I also just read one at a time, not moving on until it was done. Because of this tenacity I even may still make my goal of reading 30 books this year (I've just finished 28). So let me know if you have any<i> really really </i>short books you can recommend!<br />
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So what's the resolution for 2018? I am going to try taking Saturdays "off". What, you say? You work seven days a week? Well, not exactly.<br />
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Technically I work the typical five days a week, which is the work I get paid for. But, the problem with having a side hustle (or technically trying to have a side hustle) of writing books, is that when I'm not working for money, or have a date in the diary to be physically somewhere -- like going out to dinner with friends or going to the gym -- I feel like I should be working. I should be writing, or blogging, or doing something else to help advance this dream.<br />
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And often, I feel like it makes it harder to say yes to doing fun things. I'm afraid I'm becoming an enemy of fun. Particularly for the Hub who didn't realize he'd be marrying someone with a real job and a fake job!<br />
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Thing is, for me, writing is fun. Most of the time. And I wouldn't be doing my fake job if I didn't have some overwhelming compulsion to give it a try. But more and more I've been thinking that maybe I should give myself some breathing space once a week, to do some other things that might enhance my creativity.<br />
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It may not work. It may be better to be immersed every day. For a little bit of time at least. But let's see. Life is a big experiment and it's good to just give things a try.<br />
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I'll report back in a few months on how it's going. In the meantime, what's your New Year's resolution? Do you even make them?<br />
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Photo credit: marfis75 <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/45409431@N00/32311652310">Disco</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a><br />
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Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/50979393@N00/340561219">NEW YEARS IN SAN FRANCISCO</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-77094158406369813912017-11-26T10:54:00.003+00:002017-11-26T11:00:27.921+00:00Top Ten Things I Learned During Our Major RenovationWe recently completed an extension on the back of our house which has allowed us to have a much expanded kitchen, dining and sitting area. The project took four months -- from June 19th to Oct 21st (not that I have been counting).<br />
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I know my renovation project is not of interest to everyone, so to try to make it more universal, here's what I learned throughout the process. Just in case you are going through it too, or might someday.<br />
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10. <i>Know that you will lose it a bit.</i> I wrote previously that I don't know how people do jobs where their clients are going through something that is<a href="http://mindbodyandscroll.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/how-do-they-do-it.html" target="_blank"> emotional, life-changing or something they may just do once and therefore have very little experience of</a>. You can read the entire post, or I can just tell you that at one point the Hub hit reply all, instead of just replying to me, so our kitchen designer got to see him say: "Can't take this anymore..."<br />
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9. <i>If you are doing the renovation with a partner, you will worry about completely different things</i>. The Hub worried that the house would fall down -- literally. So the early stages where the steel was being put in to support the upper stories of the house and the walls were being knocked down made him incredibly anxious. For me, it was having people in my house all the time that drove me crazy. And the mess and the dust. I felt claustrophobic. If the house had fallen down at least I would have felt less hemmed in.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Top stories of house held up by steel</td></tr>
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8. <i>Keep the neighbors onside. </i>Make sure your neighbors know what you are doing and when. If in the U.K., you will need to let them know when it comes to third party wall agreements anyway. But do whatever they ask -- even if it is something that costs extra money. Do it, and do it gracefully. These are your neighbors for a lot longer than the project lasts.<br />
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7. <i>Be bold</i>. I wanted to paint the kitchen cabinets a really bright blue (<a href="https://www.littlegreene.com/paint/colour/blue-paint/deep-space-blue?gclid=CjwKCAjw7frPBRBVEiwAuDf_LRAG-1YATANBTXSAmeKYUrQd-GY8AmqA3LNkUY-cT0PqkDKwG71s-xoCRscQAvD_BwE" target="_blank">Deep Space Blue</a> by Little Greene if you're interested in the detail). The Hub and I had decided blue would look good, but the other choice was a more sensible classic <a href="https://www.littlegreene.com/royal-navy-sitting-room" target="_blank">Royal Navy</a>. I wanted Deep Space Blue - it was the color that made my heart lift. But our kitchen designer told me he thought I was "bonkers" and I worried it was too bold. I asked nearly <i>everyone </i>I knew (and probably drove my colleagues a bit mad). Views were split, however. At the end of the day, I had to go with my gut. I don't regret the decision though - I love it. It makes me happy every time I see it, and that's what's important.<br />
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6. <i>Just make a decision</i>. Even if you have professionals doing the heavy lifting on a project, they can't do anything unless you've made a decision -- about the tiles for the floor, the splashback, the kitchen handles, the lights, the door knobs (I could go on. And on.) There were so many choices to make and my natural inclination was to want to wait to make decisions -- because next week I'd probably make a much better decision. But I fought this instinct tooth and nail and we became very disciplined about just making decisions quickly. And that really helped keep the process going quickly, which I think is one reason that our project actually kept to schedule. You won't make a better decision tomorrow than today!<br />
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5. <i>Pay up. </i>We hired a building and design company to source the sub-contractors for us and to do the project management. It seemed like the more expensive option, but we knew nothing about how to do a renovation and felt it would be safer to do it this way. I think actually in the end this saved us money -- and a lot of worry. <br />
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4. <i>Ask everyone you know</i>. All that said, it also helps to get as much input as possible. Throughout the process there were moments where we talked to friends who made absolutely crucial suggestions. One of my friends is a designer and we bought her wine and pizza and she looked at our designs -- literally days before we were scheduled to begin -- and she influenced substantially the final design of the kitchen. Another friend suggested we paint the larder and cabinet housing the refrigerator the same color as the wall to break up the blue, which really worked. And another friend solved my double-oven dilemma (a story for another day). There is great knowledge in people all around you -- sometimes you only have to ask to find out!<br />
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3. <i>Don't panic! </i>There were a few times when one of us panicked. And I certainly panicked when I saw the color of the cabinets for the first time. But the crises never lasted too long and we had some very good professionals on the job, so everything always got sorted out in the end. You may be spending a lot of money, but at the end of the day everything doesn't have to be perfect, just good enough (this attitude may also be why our project got done on time). <i><br /></i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If all else fails, have a drink!</td></tr>
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2. <i>I have got the bug. </i>I am surprised by how much I actually enjoyed the process. Not just the finished product, but watching it all happen, learning about how it got done and yes, actually making the decisions. I really like the idea of space and how people live in it. I liked it so much that we might even be embarking on another renovation project... so watch this space.<br />
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1. <i>It is really worth it in the end. </i>The times when I did get stressed and annoyed, everyone would say to me, "Don't worry, it will all be worth it in the end," and to be honest, I wasn't sure that I believed them. But it's true. The project has been done for over a month now and every time I walk into our new kitchen it really still does feel like Christmas morning. I love sitting in that room and remembering making all the decisions and what it used to look like before. I have to say, I feel much more attached to that room than anywhere in the house.<br />
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(P.S. If you are so inclined to have a poke around, click <a href="https://goo.gl/photos/6ZgZqZcvD4mZTNHk9" target="_blank">here</a> to see all the photos from the project -- before, during and after. And let me know what you think of the bonkers blue!)Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-28880202464885976092017-10-15T11:14:00.000+01:002017-10-15T11:14:29.297+01:00There's No Place Like Home?People often ask me whether or not I think I will ever live in the U.S. again.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFZmUBjLe5qlTyCIMdGCs7lM7CeewpVXwoNjHbbcemy32kehikwgv-KtA9pkGHcmZZFpxYOEBZsxOHNJRbPGL8dQeniU3DGs8Gx0iZ7PcUyzucpoc8UxpC9z0v-1qJY3Aka_dis5-JrI/s1600/5744204466_376a74dd9e_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="680" data-original-width="1024" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFZmUBjLe5qlTyCIMdGCs7lM7CeewpVXwoNjHbbcemy32kehikwgv-KtA9pkGHcmZZFpxYOEBZsxOHNJRbPGL8dQeniU3DGs8Gx0iZ7PcUyzucpoc8UxpC9z0v-1qJY3Aka_dis5-JrI/s320/5744204466_376a74dd9e_b.jpg" width="320" /></a>It's not an easy question to answer because as I tell people, in all these years I've lived here, it's just never really come up. There has only been one situation when I pondered moving home. It was the week that the Hub and I broke up, before we were married, after only eight months of dating. I was so angry at him that I was planning to leave the country, like, immediately. I blamed the entire country for our temporary troubles.<br />
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In all seriousness, I tell people that it would feel strange to me if I <i>never </i>lived in the U.S. again, and I think I would welcome the opportunity to move to the States for a few years -- to give the Hub a chance to experience life there, and for me to see what it would be like to go back again. However, I always feel like I would need the safety net of thinking I was coming back to the U.K., because at the moment, this is really home to me.<br />
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Also, there's the fear of repatriation. You see, I have known many expats over the years who have gone through the repatriation process -- in both directions. Everyone knows about how difficult it is to move away, but no one really anticipates how hard it is to move back. When I tell people about this phenomenon, they are always surprised. But why? they ask.<br />
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So I'll tell you why. I've recently talked to a lot of expats about this and thought I'd share what they have to say.<br />
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<i>The expectation factor. </i>When you go abroad, you expect it to be hard, but going home, you don't. It's home, after all, the place that felt familiar and you knew so well. How could it possibly be harder than moving to a foreign country? As one of my friends who moved from London to California after five years said to me: "I just wish I had known how hard this was going to be." No one likes to be blindsided.<br />
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<i>Everything's different. </i>You've changed. Home has changed. Once you take the plunge and become an expat, there's no taking it back. You'll never be a person anymore with one national identity. Personally, I think this is a very good thing. It makes you more empathetic, and more ego-detached as well. What is nationality anyway? Aren't we all just human beings? Sometimes you're confused about <a href="http://mindbodyandscroll.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/the-great-cheese-controversy.html" target="_blank">when to serve the cheese course</a>, but I think these sacrifices are worth it. Still, it means when you return home you feel a cultural separation from your former identity that you never thought possible.<br />
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<i>Your friends have moved on. </i>When you visit home as an expat your friends are always super happy to see you. They make room in their busy schedules, they come into Manhattan from the suburbs, they cross London when they never would otherwise. But it will never be the same when you are actually living in the same city again. I've had glimpses of this when I stayed in New York over Christmas for lengthy periods of time and friends go back to their "normal lives". It was almost an imperceptible shift, but it was a little like, "oh, you're still here?" They weren't used to having me around for so long and were just back into their normal routines. I've done it to expats too when they repatriated -- I forgot they were even back. You have to re-establish your friendship again, including the routine of when you actually see people.<br />
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<i>No one gives a sh*t</i>. I have a friend who moved back to New York, and she perfectly described it this way. It's so true. When you're an expat, no matter for how long, you do get treated specially. I forget I have an accent, but I just bought a piano and the guy threw in the stool for free because I was a "New Yorker". Dude, I'm not a New Yorker. I live in Streatham. I just did the side-return. Still, people are curious, interested. My friend said when she went back home after many years of living here, no one cared. You have had a life-changing experience and no one gives a sh*t. They want you to move on.<br />
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So there you go. That's the result of my research. Please let me know if you've repatriated and if you agree with me, or if I got it wrong. The thing is, if you're repatriating or you're going to, you have your reasons. As hard as repatriating might be, I still feel the pangs of jealousy when my friends talk about seeing their parents for lunch over the weekend, or when I think about the fact that the toddler members of my family think that I live in a computer screen. Still, I live by Bill Bryson's eloquent summary of life as an expat: some things are better, some things are worse.<br />
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Photo credit: Close to Home <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/7228833@N08/5744204466">twinkle toes: 10 of 365</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">(license)</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-19042425570367987722017-10-08T12:11:00.000+01:002017-10-09T17:50:31.709+01:00The Artful Jammy Dodger One thing I love about being an expat is occasionally you come across something completely new -- even when you have lived in your new country for a very long time.<br />
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Having watching the movie Oliver when I was a kid, I knew a lot about the Artful Dodger, but not so much about the Jammy Dodger. <br />
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In the new role I took on at work -- now not so new as it was almost a year ago -- I am now working in a U.K. team of all Brits (with the exception of me and one other expat from Ireland). These work colleagues --
well actually one particular work colleague -- are really into biscuits and we were discussing my new-found love for jammy dodgers. It then transpired that I had never had a Penguin, a Trio, a Wagon Wheel, a Gold Bar, an Orange Club or a Breakaway. I mean, what have I been doing the past 15 years in the U.K.?<br />
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You would think that we lived in a very global world, but the truth is,
it really isn't always so global. I often find that the Brits I know
here (including the Hub) grew up eating very different food, watching
different T.V. shows and now we know, eating very different biscuits! <br />
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The first thing we should get clear is exactly what I mean by "biscuit". As my sister-in-law asked me after watching Bake Off from the U.S., "So, what is a biscuit?" (She also asked me why Bake Off takes place in a tent, which I feel is a question that could fill a whole other blog post.*) <br />
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It's very complex, my friends. A biscuit can be either sweet or savory. If it is sweet, it is what an American would call a cookie; or if it is savory, it is what an American would call a cracker. The confusion lies in the fact that Brits will call one kind of biscuit a cookie: a chocolate chip cookie. I think this is because they consider this to be strictly an American thing. <br />
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As for what Americans call a biscuit, they just don't understand this. I have tried to explain what an American biscuit is, but I can't communicate it at all. I think they will just have to go to America and try one. Maybe one with gravy and one with strawberries. <br />
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Anyway... so I got to play guinea pig, and it was fun. The verdict is that I loved the Penguin and thought the Breakaway was O.K., but the rest I didn't really like (caveat: I haven't tried Wagon Wheels yet. I think we still need to secure some). But nothing could compete with the Jammy Dodger. I am pretty picky when it comes to food -- particularly sweet things. We're talking about a child who didn't like cake, only pie, and so had to have a birthday pie. Which really could go some way to explaining why I like Jammy Dodgers so much.<br />
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There are many great things about being an expat, as well as some not-so-great ones: you win some, you lose some. But getting to sample a parade of new biscuits in the office is definitely a win. <br />
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*The short answer to this question is: it is not a tent. It is a marquee. The Brits just love their marquees. I will write a blog post of this soon. Watch this space. </div>
Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-18392994977356399082017-09-24T14:42:00.000+01:002017-09-24T14:42:33.832+01:00Done!I had an editor in the early part of my career who would get things done really fast. You would send him a story for editing, and in a flash it would be back in your inbox, with the body of the text saying "Done!"<br />
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Or he may have just used a period (in British English, a full-stop). Or maybe there wasn't any punctuation at all, just: "Done"<br />
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But no matter what, that man was efficient. And at the time, the opposite of me -- a chronic procrastinator.<br />
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I'm less of a procrastinator now, but I still am constantly looking for ways to motivate myself to just get things done sooner rather than later, a constant challenge for me. And probably part of the reason I've always been a to-do list maker. Far easier to make lists of things to do, than actually do them! But then they would make me depressed about how much I have to do. So instead, I've started keeping a "Done" list.<br />
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How much better is it to think about all that you've actually accomplished, instead of all you still have to do? Because the list of things one has to do -- or wants to do -- never really gets shorter, it's much more satisfying to see what you <i>have </i>accomplished during the day. You can also add those things that cropped up which you didn't know you'd have to do, and even better, you can also put fun or really rewarding things on the list that you did.<br />
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I really like sitting down at the end of the day and jotting down what got done (although to be fair, I have always been a diarist, so this may not be for everyone). I keep my lists in a nice notebook. It's kind of my version of a <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/how-to-start-a-bullet-journal?utm_term=.uwJXxJKydM#.dj5XwBqv3P" target="_blank">bullet journal</a> -- literally -- bullet points about my day. I keep everything together too -- no separation between work and home life, as that would be too complicated.<br />
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This also helps me to practice gratitude. We're often so caught up with all we have to do, all there is we haven't done in life, and all that we think we need, or want. There are a million ways to be unhappy and there are a million things to feel inadequate about. But I think that there's only one way to be truly happy: to be grateful for what you have already -- and to feel like you have just enough.<br />
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For those who love the nitty gritty detail, I do still have to keep a sort of list of reminders of what does need to get done unfortunately. Just because I can't possibly remember everything I'm working on. I have an ongoing list of projects and reminders and each morning I look at that and jot down what in particularly needs to get done that day on a sticky note. Then I use that note to help me remember everything I did. (So I suppose I technically still have a to-do list. But it doesn't make me feel bad anymore because I know it will eventually become part of my "Done" list.)<br />
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I have been meaning to write this post for ages, and was annoyed with myself for not doing it sooner when I found a very similar <a href="http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/the-new-supremely-satisfying-way-i-end-my-day-248991?utm_source=at_daily&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=08272017&recip_id=162989" target="_blank">article</a> on Apartment Therapy recently -- and strangely written by someone called Taryn! And then on Gretchen Rubin's podcast it was also mentioned just this last week -- they called it a <a href="https://gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/podcast-134-ta-da-list" target="_blank">"Ta Dah!" list</a> though. That seemed a little grand for me. I guess it's not a bad idea if some other people are doing it too. Either great minds think alike... or fools seldom differ.<br />
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Do you use a to-do list or something of the sort? Have you tried making a "Done" list?<br />
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Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/26104563@N00/2381294958">Day 092/366 - To Do List</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-49596090495297451642017-09-17T10:45:00.000+01:002017-09-17T10:45:51.559+01:00T.V. YogaYou haven't heard of T.V. Yoga?<br />
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That's probably because I've just created it. Yes, I'm now the kind of person who creates new types of yoga.<br />
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This statement could be misleading, however, as it's not an actual yoga series -- but it's something I'm doing that's working for me at the moment, so thought I would share.<br />
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I am clearly not a yoga teacher, professional or anything of the sort. But I am a student of yoga, and here is the potted history of my yoga experience:<br />
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<li>I practiced Bikram yoga (the really hot kind, and the controversial kind) for over 10 years before I gave it up, mainly due the heat and all the sweating, which I don't think was good for some specific health issues I have. But I did really love it and wish there was a studio in London that taught it without the heat. I also wish I was able to exercise regularly at home (I'm not), because I have the CDs and have occasionally done the series without the heat. </li>
<li>I've been to numerous yoga classes at various gyms. And some at studios. I've had one personal yoga class with my friend's sister who is a yoga teacher. That same friend brought me to a yin yoga class in San Francisco. And I even did yoga on the beach last summer (which was amazing). </li>
<li>I've read a few books on yoga. I've edited a book on yoga. </li>
<li>I meditate (most) days (even if it is for very short periods of time!). This is the original yoga, by the way. </li>
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Over the past few years, I have struggled to find a new yoga routine that fits into my life. The yoga studio near our house doesn't have any times that work in my schedule. My gym has so few classes that none of them work for me either. And there's even a free class at my office -- a free class! -- once a week, and although I have been a few times and really liked it, it's just scheduled at a really bad time work-wise for me.<br />
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And until I can find my own personal yoga teacher who will come to my house and teach me (this is a dream of mine) and also convince the Hub that this is a good use of our "funds", I am making due with what I like to call T.V. Yoga.<br />
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At the end of a long day, after sitting at the office, while the Hub and I watch one of the many gripping T.V. shows we have to choose from in the evening, I roll out my yoga mat and do some postures. I am not saying this is technically exercise, but it is movement, and instead of feeling like a brain in a lump watching the boob tube (as my Dad lovingly refers to it), I do start to feel like I am living in my actual physical body again. Which is after all, the point of yoga (it does technically means "union").<br />
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I'm not saying this is a substitute for a real yoga class. Or something a beginner should try (it's not like I'm a yoga expert, but I do know many postures and how to do them safely). But for now, I am making due and I think some yoga is better than no yoga.<br />
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While we're on the subject, if you're interested in learning more about yoga, I highly recommend a recent book I've read by Cinnamon Kennedy (an actual yoga teacher), called <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Yoga-Works-Cinnamon-Kennedy-ebook/dp/B01MSO1FJB/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505580221&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=how+yoga+works+by+cinnamon+kennedy" target="_blank">Why Yoga Works</a>.<br />
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On a more hopeful note, there is a new yoga studio in my neighborhood that has opened up, so let's see if that could work better for me. Or maybe someone will read this and offer to come to my house to teach me? Although, chances are, they probably won't let me watch T.V. during class.<br />
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Photo credit: wuestenigel <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/34379324045">Lotus Pose (Padmasana)</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
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<br />Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1327733828484879907.post-4746390152787529892017-08-26T10:08:00.003+01:002017-08-26T16:55:20.271+01:00In The DarkAs I march toward finishing the first draft of my first novel, I feel like I am going through a dark tunnel. I can see the light, but I have no way of knowing what will be there when I get out on the other side. Will I have a decent first draft? Can I actually write a novel? <br />
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I suppose I could say that I've been a writer my whole professional life. Or at least that writing has been a big part of what I get paid for. There's of course a lot more to being a journalist (the first part of my career) and a research analyst (the second part), than just writing. You have to be able to write, but you have to be able to do analysis, to figure out what's important and <i>tell a story</i>. <br />
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And so has my professional work helped prepare me to write books?<br />
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Yes, in many ways it has. I know the important of writing a first draft. Any sort of first draft, even a very bad one. Because you can't edit a blank page. I've received a lot of criticism and editing throughout my career. And I know that any work has become better because of it, never worse.<br />
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My work life has also prepared me to know the importance of telling a story and having something to say. Whether or not the stories I have to tell or what I have to say -- through the art of fiction -- is interesting to anyone else remains to be seen. But it's interesting to me, so I feel compelled to at least try.<br />
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I'm nearly on the last chapter, guys. I've written 2,591 words of Chapter 17, then there's just Chapter 18 to wrap the whole thing up. And then I'm going to have to read it to see if it even makes any sense.<br />
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That's the thing about writing a book. After you reach a certain number of words, you just can't stop and go back to see if it's working. I have no idea if the pacing is right, if the point of view works, if the characters are developed enough or if it's even interesting at all. I'm in a dark tunnel, blind to the result and just having to focus on the process. It's not so bad, but it's a little maddening for someone who is used to being able to re-read something I've written to see if it's not working. Because then I can fix it.<br />
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Speaking of which, in other news, I've finally been brave enough to get someone to edit my memoir (the one I wrote back in 2015). And she did a great job of coming up with some suggestions to fix that. Because it certainty doesn't work as is. So while the novel (book #2) rests and I get some distance from it, I will start edits on book #1, with the hope of getting it into a sort of shape to actually be published. So all of you dear readers can read it.<br />
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Watch this space.<br />
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Photo credit: OregonDOT <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/28364885@N02/33037104002">Mosier Twin Tunnels</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com/">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
Taronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14931890597877028988noreply@blogger.com6