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Let It Go (Or Rest)

I finished the first draft of my novel in late September. And as good as this felt, as a writer, I know that writing is actually all about re-writing, so as I crept to the finish line, I knew that this was only just the beginning.

So the question became: What now?

It didn't take me long to decide that I would let it "rest". I think I need a bit of space and distance from it to feel less attached, so that when I do read it and decide on the editing strategy, I won't be as crushed as the first time that I read my memoir.

You see, the novel is not the only "first draft" I have hanging around at the moment. Back in 2015, I wrote a memoir about moving to the U.K. and my first year here. I've heard that your first book is like throwing up on the page, and I have to say that after re-reading my memoir I understand that completely. 

When I read the memoir for the first time, I simply cried. And no, my work did not move me to tears of great emotion. These were big salty tears of self pity and wallowing, and possibly shock. It was so bad!

Although there were (very small) parts of it that I liked, it just didn't hang together in the way a book should. And fair enough, it was my first attempt to write a whole book. It's not like I could expect to be good at it. But I guess I didn't expect it to be that bad.

As I worked on my novel over the past year, there was that nagging feeling, however, that I needed to do something about the first 60,000 words I toiled away at. In the back of my mind as I hacked away at the novel, I wondered what I should do with the first manuscript (and nothing was a definite possibility as well).

I think I wasn't really ready to deal with it -- I needed some distance before I could let anyone read it, let alone edit it. But in the end, I knew it needed to be done. So over the summer I got back in touch with the editor I had first chatted with about the book. She was still interested, and so I shut my eyes and attached it to an email and sent it over to Boston for a read through.

I was nervous, but I knew that this particular editor at least likes my writing and is also the kind of person who would be careful enough with my frail ego (my financial writing ego is a lot tougher), even if she came back and said the book needs a complete re-write (which it does). Sure enough, she was nice about it, but came back with very specific and helpful notes on what I could do to improve the book. Everything she said made complete sense.

I think it was really helpful that I had left the book for a while to get some distance from it. Attachment to the work we have done (made worse by the back-breaking work), can sometimes be a real block to improving it.

So since September I've been letting the novel have some rest and relaxation. And in the meantime I've been rewriting the memoir, with the hope of having a new draft ready to send back to my editor as soon as I can. It's back-breaking work as well. But hopefully it will mean that no one will ever again read it and cry (in a bad way). 

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Bulls eye!

Darts is one of those things I have absolutely no interest in. Whatsoever.

So it was a bit weird when I started to become obsessed with an old game show here in the U.K. called Bullseye, which involves darts. Let me explain.

It all started out innocently enough as I found watching repeats of Who Wants to be a Millionaire, on the game show channel here called "Challenge", very soothing. With everything that's going on in the world, and the constant crush of information and hysteria on social media that's out there, this game show harks back to a more innocent time -- where the possibility of winning a million pounds could apparently fix a person's life.

But then something caught my attention. I noticed there was a show after Millionaire, involving the puzzling combination of darts playing and quiz questions. In this show, which aired mostly in the 1980s and 90s, three teams of contestants compete for money and prizes. One person plays darts and the other answers questions. It makes absolutely no sense why these two skills are linked together on the same show, but it certainly hasn't stopped me from finding the whole thing mesmerizing.

There's just the strangeness of the concept, but it's also the fact that I love getting a glimpse into something that existed before I moved to this country. It's a window into a time gone by.

The really strange thing when you move to another country is that you don't know the history. After 15 years of living in this country I have a pretty good knowledge of local celebrities and culture, but it only starts in 2002. Most things before that need to be explained to me (including biscuits). I didn't know who Jimmy Saville even was, and I hadn't ever seen that video clip of Prince Charles saying "whatever love is" (jerk).

So Bulleye gives me a glimpse. There's a bit at the beginning where Jim Bowen the host (with his dulcet calming tones) introduces the sets of guests and asks them to tell their funny anecdotes or asks them socially awkward questions like "So why is it that you're between jobs?". Most of the time the accents are so strong that I can't really understand what they're saying. I also don't get the jokes, because the audience is already laughing while I'm still trying to figure out what they've said, let alone why it's funny. It seems like Britain was a different place back then, or at least one that is more foreign to me than the place I live in now.

It's also a reminder -- particularly in these times -- at how much we have moved on at least from overt sexism. Bowen's instinctive "good girl" when a woman answers a quiz question correctly is incredibly jarring and something you would never see now.

When you look beyond that one grating verbal tick, Bowen is a nice calming host. He's always reminding the players that it's "early days" when they get the first quiz question wrong. And he tells them not worry when they are knocked out and really talks up the consolation prizes. He's also always invoking "Bully" when he speaks -- the cartoon bull mascot of the show -- as if he is very much real. I certainly believe!

I wonder if British expats in America enjoy seeing old episodes of the Price is Right with Bob Barker as much as I enjoy watching Bullseye. I wouldn't be surprised. But I feel it's really not fair. There is no American game show that is quite as cool. Or maybe it's that novelty always wins out. If it's new to you...

Have you ever stumbled on something cultural from the past that intrigues you?

Photo credit: Leo Reynolds dartboard via photopin (license)

My Reading Year

After reading my New Year's Resolution post, one of my readers asked me more specifically about which 28 books I read in 2017, so this post is for him (and the rest of you too).

(As an aside: I love getting reader requests for blog posts. If you have something you want me to write about, please comment or email me at mindbodyandscroll [at] yahoo.com.)

It's easy to see what I read this year as I keep track on goodreads. I love this site as I can see what my other reader friends are reading and I can also keep track of books I want to read as well. In my list of books at the bottom of this post I've linked to my (very short) reviews on the site. Although in fairness, they are not so much reviews as my thoughts on each book.

Some stats on my year:

  • 28 books equated to 7,668 pages. 
  • I gave 14% of the books five stars, 53% four stars, 29% three stars and 4% one star (this was only one book: The Peculiar Life of a Lonely Postman. I cannot recommend it.)
  • The list was almost evenly split between fiction and non-fiction, although non-fiction edged ahead at 54% .  
  • The longest book I read was A Little Life and the shortest: Why Yoga Works.
  • Eight books (29%) were for my book group (in the list below I have marked these with an asterisk).
  • I know personally the authors of five books I read this year (18%). And hopefully I will be meeting the author of one more book in April when she visits London! 
  • Six of the books (21%) were independently published. 

It's really hard to pick a favorite book of the year, but I probably should. The winner in this case is Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood.

And two books I read were related to research for my novel. One was written by a psychic profiler and one by a shaman. (Have I mentioned that my novel is a cross between chick lit and Gothic horror?)

And now, for the full list (in the order I read them):

1. Ark Baby* by Liz Jensen

2. A Thousand Cuts: A Spike Sanguinetti Novel by Thomas Mogford

3. Swimming Home* by Deborah Levy

4. The Woman Who Stole My Life by Marian Keyes

5. Hidden Figures* by Margot Lee Shetterly

6. The Reluctant Shaman by Kay Cordell Whitaker

7. March* by Geraldine Brooks

8.  A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

9.  Why Yoga Works by Cinnamon Kennedy

10. Tales from Suburbia by Claire Buss

11. Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik

12. Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos

13. The Line of Beauty* by Alan Hollinghurst

14. The Lives and Loves of a He Devil by Graham Norton

15. The Peculiar Life of a Lonely Postman* by Denis Theriault

16. The Rose Thief by Claire Buss

17. The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

18. An Angel on Her Shoulder by Dan Alatorre

19. Flash Boys by Michael Lewis

20. A Walk in the Woods* by Bill Bryson

21. Don't Kiss Them Goodbye by Allison DuBois

22. A Far Cry from Kensington by Muriel Spark

23. The Town Below the Ground by Jan-Andrew Henderson

24. The One Thing by Gary Keller

25. Alias Grace* by Margaret Atwood

26. Escape the Cubicle by Sukhi Jutla

27. Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n Roll and a Tiara by Beverly Diehl

28. The Princess Diarist by Carrie Fisher

*A Northern Line Book Group book

What did you read in 2017? What would you recommend?

Photo credit: suzyhazelwood DSC00759-02 via photopin (license)

Not Being The Enemy Of Fun

I really do like picking one New Year's resolution. There's something about the simplicity of it that appeals and makes it manageable.

Although last year I made my one resolution and unfortunately it didn't really stick. I wanted to meditate four days per week. Looking back over the year (because I have been tracking it, of course), I still averaged only two-three days per week. I'm not too worried though -- establishing a regular meditation practice is really hard -- and even meditating once a week is better than nothing.

There was one resolution that I made in 2017, however, that was technically not a New Year's resolution, but stuck a lot better and really changed my enjoyment of one particular aspect of my life. I decided early on in the year to finish every single book I started -- no exceptions. I really stuck to it and I enjoyed more books than I thought I would -- even the ones that I struggled to get into. I also just read one at a time, not moving on until it was done. Because of this tenacity I even may still make my goal of reading 30 books this year (I've just finished 28). So let me know if you have any really really short books you can recommend!

So what's the resolution for 2018? I am going to try taking Saturdays "off". What, you say? You work seven days a week? Well, not exactly.

Technically I work the typical five days a week, which is the work I get paid for. But, the problem with having a side hustle (or technically trying to have a side hustle) of writing books, is that when I'm not working for money, or have a date in the diary to be physically somewhere -- like going out to dinner with friends or going to the gym -- I feel like I should be working. I should be writing, or blogging, or doing something else to help advance this dream.

And often, I feel like it makes it harder to say yes to doing fun things. I'm afraid I'm becoming an enemy of fun. Particularly for the Hub who didn't realize he'd be marrying someone with a real job and a fake job!

Thing is, for me, writing is fun. Most of the time. And I wouldn't be doing my fake job if I didn't have some overwhelming compulsion to give it a try. But more and more I've been thinking that maybe I should give myself some breathing space once a week, to do some other things that might enhance my creativity.

It may not work. It may be better to be immersed every day. For a little bit of time at least. But let's see. Life is a big experiment and it's good to just give things a try.

I'll report back in a few months on how it's going. In the meantime, what's your New Year's resolution? Do you even make them?

Photo credit: marfis75 Disco via photopin (license)

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