Midlife Mama

I never intended to be an older mom. But sometimes things don't end up how you planned. And I think like most things in life, it's less important why it happened, or how you got there. The reality of the situation is that I ended up being a 40-something midlife mama. 

I know that having a kid is a challenge at any age. But I think as an older mom, I feel self-conscious about it more than I'd like, and tend to get worried about the negatives. I fear that at some point someone is going to think that I'm C's grandma, I worry that I won't be around long enough for him, and that he will be embarrassed of us. But I suppose he will be embarrassed of us regardless of our age. 

C at about two months. Me at 42.

Many of my friends have older kids, and it seems as though they have been through what I'm dealing with so long ago. I'm always aware that I'm older than most of my mom friends, in particular the new ones I've made. But then again this is turning out to be more of a positive. Having friends of all ages is great, and think our lives can be all the richer for it. In fact, in recent years I've collected some new older friends as well, as I've got to know a lot of my mother-in-law's friends since she had her accident.  

Those friends of mine with older kids, they are a life saver. They can give me the perspective that every stage passes, and I am constantly reminded by them to treasure the moments I have now with my toddler, as he won't be one for very long. Also, who knew that older kids like babies and toddlers so much? When we were allowed to meet up with one other household over the summer, we got to actually enjoy spending time with some of our friends, as their kids happily played with and entertained C.  

Another thing I really like about being a midlife mama is that I don't care what anyone thinks about my parenting decisions. I'm sure many people would be that way at any age, but for me -- someone who usually cares too much about what other people think anyway -- I don't think five or 10 years ago I would have had the same confidence in my own decisions. I have fed C the way I wanted, worked on his sleep in a way that felt right to us, and although I love to get other people's opinions, we are definitely doing things our way. 

The hub and I have also had a lot of fun and time the two of us already. Whether you're changing diapers, endlessly feeding (and cleaning up after) your child, or just spending yet another Saturday night watching a movie or a box set and eating take away it just doesn't seem like a sacrifice. We've partied, we've traveled and we've spent a lot of time working. Although at the moment, due to the pandemic, it feels like we'll never do any of those things ever again (apart from the working of course).  

For me personally, I struggled a lot with my body in my 30s. I had chronic pain -- which is actually the reason I started this blog in the first place. I feel like I was lucky to have sorted out my pain issues prior to having a child as I can't imagine pregnancy, giving birth or even parenthood while in the middle of that mess. One of the things that has really surprised me about parenthood is how physical a job it really is. I look forward to the day that I have time to take a yoga or zumba class again, but I certainly don't feel like I need extra exercise as when C is around as I rarely get to sit down. 

Instead of focusing on the negatives and my own insecurity, I'm trying to focus on the advantages and the positives of being an older parent, because I want to encourage those people that for whatever reason find themselves as parents at a slightly older age than the average. Because most days I'm just grateful I am lucky enough to be a parent to C at all.