I went to yoga on Sunday night. I needed it big time. I can't tell you how happy I am to finally have this new tool for when I'm feeling stressed or a little down, or just disconnected with myself.
As I worked through the postures in the hot room I finally started to get it. I don't know very much about yoga in general, but I do know there are many different kinds. And despite this, I would think this one thread runs through them all. Somewhere in the midst of all the sweat and the other bodies in the room, I started to just feel like it was me and my body. How could I think/worry about anything else when I was just moving through the postures, breathing?
So often I feel disconnected from my body. I may have mentioned this before, but I am such a 'thinker', so inside my own head that I sometimes forget that I'm an actual physical creature. I'm not just a little thought bubble floating from place to place. But how could I forget that when for so many years my body – and the pain I was experiencing – affected me to such a degree that I had trouble working, sleeping, sitting and doing just about anything (if you're new to my blog, check out the About This Blog section or The Whole Story for the background).
It's so easy to be cruel to our bodies. Poke at them, wish they were just a little bit more this or that (taller? thinner? bustier? name your poison). We can easily work them too hard. And in this day and age it's so easy to confuse taking care of your body with punishing it. No one does things by half anymore.
But I have to say, my mind felt so much lighter and less sandy after doing my grueling 90 minutes. I know this may all be chemical but it made me think about how moving and connecting with our bodies is essential for staying in the present moment. Everyone has to find their own form of exercise, but anything where you can focus on the fact that you're a physical being, at least for me, helps me to keep everything in perspective. I may not be squeezing in any meditation right now but the yoga is at least helping me keep two feet on the earth and at least attempting to ground my overactive brain.
It would be easy to forget to take care of myself right now, but I've learned too much over the past few years to do that. Hence the more frequent physio trips pre-wedding and prioritizing yoga (including scheduling in an extra session per week not as an edict to go – just in case I need to go). Hopefully this will all help me to remember to breathe, if nothing else.