Strife For The Sake Of Strife

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I have a British passport and a British husband. The next thing I need to add to my collection is a British driving license. Here's the thing. In the U.K. there are two types of licenses – an 'automatic' one and a 'manual' one – if you take the driving test on a car with an automatic transmission then you cannot drive a manual car (legally). 

If you were bleeding to death and the only thing that stood between us and the emergency room was a car with a stick shift, I could probably get you there in one piece. But it wouldn't be pretty. I've had two friends try to teach me how to drive stick in parking lots and sparsely populated areas, so I sort of know how to do it. But without ever driving a manual for more than a few hours at a time, I'm not very good.

So the question is: when I learn how to drive on the left side of the road in a foreign country and have to take a driving test for the first time since I was 17, should I just go the whole hog and learn how to drive a manual properly?

I've been asking a lot of people this question and a lot of people have been telling me yes. It will be so much cheaper to rent cars, they say, and the gas mileage is so much better.

And there's that part of me that loves a challenge. I'm not sure what it is I'm trying to prove, but I think it goes along with all the things we do to try to make ourselves feel happier, including accomplishing more. And there's nothing wrong with a challenge, right?

This past Saturday one of my (very smart and lovely) friends said to me over a few cups of coffee: "What, are you crazy? You have a full-time job, plus all the socializing you do, not to mention your blog and what about all those projects you want to get done?" Besides, she said, changing gears all the time is annoying. "Why we don't all drive automatics in Britain is beyond me."

(I'm paraphrasing somewhat – I don't usually take notes when I'm out with my friends.)

I want to get my license to make my life easier. At some point we may want a car (the Hub doesn't drive, which is a whole other story I won't go into). I already have to learn the rules of the road in another country at the age of 35, not to mention orient myself to drive on the other side of the street. There's no reason to make this harder, considering how precious the time is that we each have on this earth.

I think at some point I created a story in my head that the more that I accomplish, the more skills I acquire, the more things I know, the more satisfied I will be – someday, that is. But when does it all end? Will I someday do enough to be enough?

But I'm onto my thinking now. I know its wily tricks. I may need to learn how to drive at the moment, but I don't need to learn how to drive a manual. Instead of making my life more difficult, the current plan is to just enjoy learning how to drive, without the extra stress. Sometimes life is tough – and sometimes we make it tough.

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No One Likes A Lecture

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The other day I was feeling tired. Exhausted. I think I've been catching all the viruses floating around my office but never truly falling ill, just feeling a little under-the-weather instead.

I try not to drink coffee in the afternoon as well as in the morning, but this day I really needed a second cup. So I went to see my good friend Anna at our coffee counter. She seemed concerned; I seemed to be drinking a lot of coffee these days.

She proceeded to talk to me about vitamins. Maybe I should start taking fish cod oil? (She's Polish, and although her English is excellent – and far superior to my Polish – she still comes up with some funny inversions at times which make me smile).

I wasn't in my best state – after all, I needed the coffee badly. Apart from the fact that I am skeptical about the benefits of vitamins stripped from their natural state in food, I wasn't in the mood for advice. I wanted to shout: "Don't give me a lecture, give me the freakin' coffee!"

Nobody likes to be lectured. But we're all guilty of it.

I can't tell my friends enough times to go see my physiotherapist (see Why I Pity My Friends). If they live in London, I won't stand for talk about their aches and pains until they have seen her. (In fact, I made my poor mother go for an appointment with her when she was once in London and I may even do it again.)

I push self-help books. I opine on the merits of intuitive eating and why I'm sick of the fact that food is the new 'religion'.

It's all done in the name of trying to be helpful – wanting others to avoid the pain and pitfalls that I've suffered. After all, I've worked hard at figuring certain things out and have truly been helped by various things – be they self-help books, Bikram yoga or physio exercises.

And I often find it hard to keep my mouth shut when even in normal conversation things come up about which I have very strong views. But when to say something or offer advice – and when to stay silent?

The answer is simple. Have you been asked for your opinion? Because if not, it's best to pause and think about if advice is wanted. But what should you do? How to be there for a friend in need? Well, as the saying goes: be there. When a friend, or anyone, is talking to you about their life, be present. Listen. If they ask you for your opinion or advice, then feel free to give it, but otherwise they more than likely just want someone to listen and connect with them as a human being. The rest is really up to them.

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