The Shine Is Off

Everything was going swimmingly and I was feeling incredibly enthusiastic -- until I hit the supposed halfway point. If you missed my last post, I am participating in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, attempting to write 50,000 words in November. Crazy, huh?

Behind already by a few thousand words at the start of the challenge's second week, I kicked it into overdrive last weekend. I went to visit a friend in Oxford and spent the train journey there and back typing away on my lap top.

And then. I got worried about whether or not I actually had a plot and the work week started off with an incredibly stressful day. So stressful that I started to question why I had the idea to do this stupid challenge in the first place. I couldn't face the writer's block along with the rewriting I had to do on a difficult piece of research. And my other excuse was it was too cold in the flat to type. So I spent three days writing absolutely zip. Zero. Nil. Nada.

Over a mid-week curry with the Hub I moaned about my plot problems and he suggested some wacky alternatives, which I was actually considering since I was so stuck. But then I realized they were very "him" and not me. And one thing I've learned recently is that I need to go with my gut more, and stop second-guessing myself all the time.

Last night on the train home I thought and thought about what the problem was, and I decided that I had to get more into the storytelling. When I write for work I'm constantly trying to condense everything down to the main point, in as few words as possible. Sure, I'm trying to make it interesting, but I'm more or less writing bullet points with data to back them up. Point, evidence, point, evidence. But with a novel, it doesn't work that way. You need to seduce the reader, show, don't tell: draw them in and let them figure out what you're trying to say. Where I edit in a research article, I need to expand in my novel. At least on the first messy draft.

Instead of thinking about how to get to the end, I made the decision to try to let it unfold in front of me, by slowing myself down, focusing on the detail in the story. And this morning, it seemed to work. I've written 2,900 before noon, and I think I've solved the plot problem -- as in,  I may have at least found one. (I may have drawn some strength from my wonder woman coffee mug.)


In order to finish the challenge I have to break the back of it this weekend, which means an enormous amount of catching up. I see why November is a good month for this. I've got the heat on and the coffee maker working its butt off. The Hub is worried by the end of the weekend that he'll find "All work and no play makes Taron a dull girl," typed out over and over again on my laptop, comprising the second half of my novel's word count. I told him to make sure he goes and finds an axe for self defense.

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Inspiration Is For Amateurs

I'm not sure if it's a good idea to admit this publicly. But I am writing a novel. In a month.

A friend mentioned NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) to me in October, and it was as if it was calling to me, like I didn't have a choice. The idea is that by writing 50,000 words in a month you are forced to just get on with it -- committing something to paper -- no matter how terrible it may be.

For someone like me who loves a deadline this seemed like the way to finally get over my fear of producing something crappy, as I just won't have time to even think about it. Waiting to get inspired was getting me absolutely nowhere closer to writing the story that's been bubbling up under the surface in my brain for years.

I am 15,710 words in now, and as I struggle away each day to just get something down, I often find it a fascinating process. I have no idea about how to write a novel, how to pace it, how many characters to make central, how to effectively alternate between points of view. Sometimes I really enjoy it and it seems to come naturally -- other times I just have to grit my teeth and power through. And then there are the horrible moments when I freeze up suddenly with the knowledge of just how incredibly bad it is. I console myself with the fact that I don't have to let anyone see it if I don't want to, which manages the anxiety a bit.

When I first told a few friends and the Hub that I wanted to do this they all said, "You don't need more stress!" But who does, really? Everyone seems stressed these days. And of course there's the whole body aspect of it. I haven't told Super Physio my plan to be even more sedentary for the month of November, typing on my laptop for many more hours each week than work requires.

But I'm not feeling stressed. Yet. And on the pain front, so far, so good. My one condition is that as soon as this starts making me feel stressed, causes me pain, or interferes with what is also a very busy month at work, that I'll have to be happy with whatever word count I've produced so far, and consider it an excellent start on a slower writing pace going forward.

So that's the deal. Wish me luck with the 21 days I have left in the challenge. And funny how writing a blog post seems so much easier at the moment. It's productive procrastination at its best.
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