Routines (Again)

I've written before about how routines can be calming for those who suffer from anxiety. But as I've discovered in recent weeks, routines can also be essential for just getting your weekly 'stuff' done. As I mentioned earlier this week, in my first post back in a while, I've got a new role at work. It's a good thing, I think, long-term, but in the short-term, it's completely wrecking havoc with my weekly routine.

In addition to the fact that I just have more work to accomplish, I am also more tired and stressed and unable to concentrate on much else during the weekdays. So when it comes to things like doing our weekly online grocery shop, exercising and blogging, the old way just isn't working anymore.

Emails are going unanswered and the Hub is wondering why suddenly there is no food in the house (thank goodness for our local Chinese and pizza place – although I am sure our sodium levels are through the roof). My role change also resulted in a desk move and I accepted (foolishly) new monitors that couldn't be adjusted to the right height. My neck and shoulders were not happy and it took a few weeks (and some begging and pleading) to locate some better monitors. My body is still recovering from the strain.

This post is not meant to be a whining session, but a look at how we sometimes feel like we aren't going anywhere fast or getting things accomplished. But in fact, it takes a break in routine to realize just how much we were already getting done.

I've been playing around with getting into a new weekly schedule. My first line of attack is to try to shift my exercising to the weekdays – yoga on Sundays was great for me and worked really well, but I think I now need Sundays for writing – an activity which I don't have the energy for after a long day at work. Swimming, I was already starting to do after work, and in fact, that may serve me even better now as it's a good excuse to get up from my desk and leave the building – even if I feel like I have more to get done. It should also (hopefully) keep me focused on accomplishing enough daily to get to the pool at a decent time.

Obviously my job is very important, but I can't neglect my health and I've come too far with all my physio work to fall back into neck and back pain from working hours that are too long and at the same time not progressing with other exercise. And, well, if you're reading this blog, you must also know how important Mind, Body & Scroll has become to me in the past year as a way to work on my non-work writing. It's one of the last things I want to let slide.

And, as for the groceries, I'm sure the Hub will be happy when I have worked out a way for us to eat properly again. Dominos' shareholders, however, may not be as delighted.

Related Posts:

• Calendar And Control
• First Things First
• Hygiene Factors

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Pack Your Bags!

While we're on the topic of holidays, I recently received a reader question about something vacation-related.

How do you manage the stress of getting ready to go on vacation so that you're not totally at wit's end by the time you get on the plane? I find it very difficult to get everything tied up, packed, all travel and directions under control - it's exhausting.

And this reader has a small child and a husband who travels a lot and can't always help out.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret of adulthood that I've learned recently: people who make things look effortless are usually working pretty hard at it.

I'm always surprised to learn that some people who I thought were 'cool' or 'relaxed' are actually just more organized that I am. Like the friend who always looks put together for work. I thought my inadequacy in this area was just my lack of talent. But then I found out that she actually plans her whole work wardrobe for the week on Sundays (sneaky).

So if you feel like you always have too much to do before going on holiday, leave yourself more time. And be honest about it. If you need to start getting ready a month before, no one needs to know (unless you write a blog about it).

My one caveat is that there are some people for whom getting ready to go away on holiday isn't a problem. You know the type: the carefree, happy-go-lucky ones, who can throw some items into a rucksack (backpack) the night before leaving, usually after pounding some shots at work drinks. I envy these people.

But if you're not one of them – how to get ready for a holiday without losing your mind?

The first step is to start packing early. And by early I don't mean a few days before. I mean at least a week. I discovered how amazing this was when packing for our honeymoon. I knew there was no way I would be able to pack after the wedding, so two weeks before (don't judge – the weekend beforehand I was turned out of my own house for the 'stag' party) I spent an afternoon trying stuff on and deciding what to bring. Thing is, without the last minute pressure, you can actually enjoy it. It cleverly adds to the anticipation and reminds you why you are going away, as you pack your sun block and wide-brimmed hat and imagine how nice it will actually be. Don't get ridiculous or anything, you can pack your toiletries and carry-on the night before. This strategy, however, leaves you time to edit, time to wash things you want to bring and make a list of the stuff you still need to buy at Boots (or your neighbourhood drug store). And you will have a whole week to do it.

But what about all the other stuff? Finishing up at work before the holiday and all the other unexpected things that happen last-minute, before you go away? My reader explains what happened before her last holiday:

I had to scramble to find workmen to sort out a window with broken locks, wasps, another window letting all the rain leak in and finally a leaky toilet.

Again, what you need is time. So clear the decks. Don't plan social events in the week to the run up to a holiday. Leave time for disasters. Aim to have your packing done the week before and use the same tactic for other things that have to get done. For example, I try to make sure I've got all the 'urgent' work that needs to be completed before I go away done by 5 p.m. Thursday, instead of Friday, for example. Sometimes these tricks don't work, but it's worth a try.

If you're a list maker, make a list and a schedule – and as geeky as it sounds, set yourself deadlines. I do a lot of project management at work and I'm learning that setting small achievable deadlines is really the only way to get monumental tasks done.

To some, getting ready to go on a big holiday may not seem stressful, but who cares – if it's stressful for you, it's got to be tackled. Because not going away on vacation is not the better option.

If you have a question you'd like Mind Body & Scroll to try to tackle, don't hesitate to email me. Or use the comments section.  

Related Posts:

• Holiday Honesty
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So Plans Really Are Useless...

As we've established before, I'm a little bit of a control freak. And with the wedding I planned for everything, down to getting a UK cell phone for my parents so that people could call that number if they needed anything last minute. And the wedding really did go without a hitch.

That is, except for me losing my voice. That's right, me – verbose, wordy, chatty me – lost my voice. Oh, the irony.

The Tuesday before the wedding the Hub and I woke up with terrible colds. We never get sick at the same time, in fact, I'm convinced we have completely different immune systems. When I had the flu a few years ago with a temperature of 104 degrees, he never even sneezed. So I know the colds were pure stress-induced. We both recovered, but mine took my voice (like Ursula in The Little Mermaid). I guess it was the stress and the fact that we had social events every day leading up to the wedding. With so many people in town, I was talking up a storm on what were comprised vocal chords. I'm also prone to losing my voice when ill – apparently it doesn't happen to some people?

To say I was upset about it was an understatement. People roll in from all over the world and I can barely speak. On Friday I had to leave the drinks reception we had for our out-of-towners at 9 p.m. because I physically couldn't talk and I thought some extra rest was my one hope for being able to say my vows the next day.

It was the only time all week I got really upset. I had a little cry about the whole thing to my cousin (and bridesmaid) who took me home from the reception as she was staying with us. She was brilliant. She told me that everyone was there for me and didn't care what I sounded like. But I wanted to speak to my guests, I said. She told me I was a perfectionist and it didn't matter. Everyone would still love me anyway.

And she was right, it didn't matter. If you had told me a few months ago I'd have laryngitis at my wedding I would have cried in misery. I would have said I didn't want to have the wedding. I would have been incredibly angry.

So thank goodness I didn't know! Because it was still wonderful. I said my vows and even gave a short speech (which made everyone think I was so very brave). And although it was a little hard to make conversation with everyone especially when the music was loud, I still had a great time. I spent most of the night on the dance floor – if you can't talk, dance. And so while the Hub chatted away to our guests, I danced with them. And no one cared what I sounded like anyway – when you're the bride it's all about how you look!

Perfectionist that I am, this was a good lesson. You can plan for everything but the powers that be will always remind you that you're not in control. And wonderful is actually possible, even without perfection.

Related Posts:

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Worth It On The Day

Well, okay, so I'm a little depressed. Sad, at least (don't want to trivialize depression here). Not just because the wedding is over, but because for a fleeting week I had so many of my family and friends in London and I want to do it all over again – and spend more time with each and every one of them. I feel really homesick for them all.

The photographer sent me the photos on a DVD and it arrived today. As I looked through them again I had a flashback to when I was a child and would point at the pictures of books and exclaim to my mother, "Be in there? Be in there?" I consistently wanted to get out of everyday life and be part of the much more exciting story, whatever it was.

And so, I wanted to jump into the cocktail reception again. I could see groups of people talking and wanted to go back and wander up to them, maybe not in a white dress, but as a bride-double in a black cocktail dress and chat with them for ages. "So what do you really think about Taron's dress?" I'd say.

I suppose that this is a good thing – that in the end, despite all the work and the stress and the time I went to the ladies room at work one day at 11 a.m. and cried for no particular reason for a good 20 minutes, it was all worth it on the day. All the Saturdays spent running around London doing cupcake tastings and hair trials (and firing my first hair lady – this sounds more bridezilla-ish than it was), a never-ending e-mail inbox filled with questions from vendors and guests, hours of addressing envelopes and decision-making that ranged from the ridiculous (what proportion of chocolate cupcakes should we have) to the more serious (which vows should we say) – despite all this, I'd do it all over again.

And the Hub (at long last!!) actually summed up the reason why quite nicely. He said that he was a little surprised at how easy it all was. Not a performer like me, he had been worried about standing up in front of everyone so much – during the ceremony, while making a speech and the (very much dreaded) first dance. But in the end, he didn't find it nearly as hard as he thought. Why? Because everyone is rooting for you (I'm paraphrasing here). When you're getting married and everyone has come to see you, I think you could literally be speaking Pig Latin, wearing a garbage bag dress (as long as it's white) and everyone would still think you were the bees' knees. (Note: the Hub's speech was genuinely good and he said really nice things about me – he even mentioned Mind, Body & Scroll!)

There aren't many times in life when you can do no wrong. That's why, if you're not planning to get married, or if you just haven't yet, make sure you have a really big birthday party at some point in your life (see my post on More Parties, Please for more on this). Invite friends and family far and wide. There's no reason that everyone shouldn't have an opportunity to spend a lot of money to look good and then have a queue of people come up and hug them.

The Hub and I have been together for quite some time but it was great to finally say it out loud. And even better, to let everyone else celebrate it too. So I will say, for the record, the whole thing was pretty cool.

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Plans Versus Planning

"I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

When I posted last month about planning and control I got an interesting comment from a loyal reader about how she too was plagued with whether or not planning was a good thing and how did it fit into her creative process?

She said:

When it's good it makes me feel like I'm in control and I know what's happening, a good thing. But often I make elaborate plans (lists broken into lists, notebooks which reference other notebooks, etc.) which I follow for a day or two and then let drift. It's as if The Plan itself is the activity, which is okay, except that it's important for me to produce objects creatively (my job), and the plans end up taking away a lot of the pleasure I used to experience when my life was less structured. I'm now trying to NOT PLAN my creative life AT ALL.

To read my original post and her whole comment, click here.

This got me thinking more about planning. And so I dug out a quote I remembered from (I believe) a corporate finance course I took at university (college). It's the Dwight D. Eisenhower quote above. At the time of course I didn't quite get it as I was much more interested in my first real boyfriend and the next keg party, and not in planning much else.

Planning is indispensible, for me, at least. Planning is what gets me thinking about things. Maybe I know what I want, but how will I get there? Like my friend, I like the process of thinking things over, coming up with ideas for how I might get to the places I want to be, learn things I want to learn and essentially just do something. If I want to actually work on my New Year's resolution (music), then I need to schedule time in to go see more live music. If I want to see my friends, then I have to organize events with them.

But plans, plans are useless. And this is the part I have some trouble with. In order to make planning alright, you have to let go. You have to see plans for what they are – a plan, and not 'how things actually went'. Plans don't take into account changes in life or the things you learn along the way. Planning is done before you know how things will actually work or how long they will take. Or that you actually wanted to head in a different direction.

I think this is a very important thing for me to keep in mind as I head into the wedding week. Things are not going to go as planned. And already I've experienced this. I was planning to buy one of those custom-made gorgeous big picture-frame seating charts with decorative ribbons etc. I know someone who had one and she totally sold me on it. And then the events woman at our venue said she would do two seating charts for me – one downstairs where the drinks reception would be and one upstairs by the tables. And I thought, what am I, crazy? – someone is offering to do something for me and ribbons or none, I'm not going to pass this up. (She did promise me it would look pretty, but even if it doesn't, at least it was one less thing I needed to do, or pay for!)

A work person told me that one thing to remember is that on the day we won't stick to the schedule and not to go nuts about it. He said, in a quick lift ride up (it's always in the lift that [elevator] I get the best wedding advice), that this woman ruined her own day because she couldn't let go of the fact that they weren't 'on schedule'.

I will have to remember that one. I'm terrible about time. I hate being late – it makes me really anxious.

Planning is great but I guess the moral of the story is that it's ok to have plans so long as you can let go of them. It will be very interesting to see how well I do with this! (I'll revert back post-wedding)

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