On Back Ache

Last week I wrote a post about back ache and also about an episode of overdoing it (Practice What You Preach). Thought I would revisit it today to explain exactly what happened to me.

I have explained before that I have had postural problems, but these revolved mostly around neck pain. It started about five years ago. My hands and arms began aching so badly I could barely hold a fork or type. The pain was not acute, like a bruise or break, but instead a dull aching throb that radiated all the way up from my fingers through my elbows and shoulders, then up to my neck. It followed me around everywhere - I could get no relief. I couldn't sleep and I could barely work.

But I was lucky. I found a super physio (Super Physio) who helped me to get better by working with me to correct my muscle imbalance (essentially poor posture). Sitting for long periods of time – for me, while playing the piano as a youngster, at school, at university and finally at work – without being aware of proper body alignment meant I started using the wrong muscles to support my body. As I slouched, my shoulders slowly became more forward, which encouraged my head, neck and the rest of my spine and shoulder joints to lose their proper alignment. It was when my poor upper body posture eventually sufficiently dragged on my neck that my shoulder joint movement became altered and the severe symptoms set in. The pain in my hands and arms was not the cause of my problem, but a symptom.

There was another complication for me as well – I am hypermobile (as I've mentioned before), which means my ligaments are longer than the normal person. This is scientific speak for being flexible. Being hypermobile isn’t necessarily a problem, as long as there is sufficient muscle strength in place to control and support joint movement. For me, this wasn’t the case, and without proper posture I could slouch further than most people, making me more prone to developing poor muscle alignment.

And if you're wondering how I got better, it was very hard work. I did exercises twice a day (and sometimes more) for about four years. It's a really long story and there were some complications along the way – so it probably took me longer to get better than it would for most people. I do plan to do a much longer post at some point that goes into more detail.

But back to the back ache. What happened to my back when we moved house was entirely different from my neck problem. Instead of a repetitive injury that caused a muscle imbalance, this was more of a "traumatic" injury, i.e. the result of lifting something too heavy or too quickly in a funny position or perhaps the repeated bending and stretching over to pack boxes. I may have injured a joint in my lower spine or caused a small muscle tear.

Regardless of exactly what happened, the treatment is similar to what my physio prescribes for most back pain, and that is a set of exercises that builds and uses the strength in your abdominal muscles to stretch out the muscles on your back – so they stop spasming. (It's not weak back muscles that cause back pain, it is weak abdominal muscles.) The use of anti-inflammatories, like ibuprophen, also speeds the healing along. But, it's also interesting to note that healing from something like this takes time – about 12 weeks – which is why even though we moved in May, I'm still feeling the pain.

So I'm back on the floor more often again, doing my exercises. But I wouldn't have it any other way, because it works.
2

An Un-Masterly Chef

Last Wednesday night I received a call from the Future Hub, clearly on the train home from work perusing the Evening Standard television listings. "You do realize that the first episode of Celebrity MasterChef starts in 15 minutes, don't you?"

I nearly sprung off the floor from where I was doing my back exercises (I didn't though – I'm not supposed to spring while my back is still injured). I couldn't get to the DVR fast enough to make sure I didn't miss a nanosecond of what is currently one of my favorite programs. Celebrity MasterChef, Professional MasterChef, just-plain-old MasterChef. For those people living under a rock, and my US based readers (not sure if BBC America broadcasts such lovely programs), MasterChef is a cooking competition. It's been recently revamped to make it more exciting and it is on nearly every day in the evenings as they whittle through the weepy contestants who say over and over again that this competition could "change their life".

Perhaps that's why I like the celebrity version best. There's no pretence that these people are actually trying to open up their own country pubs for a better life for their families (do they even know anything about the restaurant industry?). In fact, I find the first rounds a bit depressing – it's really sad when these people find their dreams come crashing down when they get eliminated because of a televised cooking disaster.

But I have to confess, I just love reality TV. Not the Big Brother kind where people lie around and talk to each other about nothing much. I like the focused competitive programs, where you get to watch people trying to learn a skill or outsmart other contestants. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I am also a fan of the UK version of the Apprentice with Sir Alan Sugar. It's so interesting to watch people try to perform a business task – so many psychological elements of the process: which products to sell, to whom, and how to work as team together. If it wasn't being televised, I'd definitely sign up.

But back to MasterChef. I really love cooking. It's the one thing I like to do but don't treat with the same level of perfectionism as so many other things in my life. I think it's because no matter how much I mess up a dish, I know I will have many other times to try it out a different way. You've got to eat three meals a day (at least), so there's lots of room for trial and error. I also love the repetitiveness of the tasks involved and how absorbed I get when I'm simply chopping up a cucumber. It's the definition of "flow" to me (see my posting on Monkeys And Meditation for more on flow).

So would I ever sign up to be a contestant on MasterChef? No way. Not even taking into consideration whether I'd be good enough anyway, I don't want to go there. Perhaps that's why I like watching the competition so much – it allows me to live vicariously through others without putting myself through the mental anguish of it all. A skill that you enjoy but don't aren't a perfectionist about? A real gem. Guard those things with all your might.
0

The Ideal Body?

I was going to write about something else today, but last night I was suddenly struck by the amount of press coverage and comment over the British equalities minister Lynne Featherstone's recent comment on Christina Hendricks' body. Featherstone said that Hendricks, who is a UK size 14 (US size 10) and star of the US TV series Mad Men, should be a physical "role model" for girls and young women, because of her curvy body.

In an interview with The Sunday Times about her campaign to boost body confidence among the young, Featherstone elaborated that the media's obsession with skinny models and celebrities was causing a public health crisis as girls and women are under pressure to conform to completely unachievable body stereotypes. And the fact that Hendricks' body shape has caused such a sensation in Hollywood because she is not uber thin speaks volumes. I couldn't agree more.

But Featherstone has received some criticism. In my opinion, it has more to do with the fact that she has attached the words "role model" to one specific woman, with a very specific body type. Although many women may have the hips Hendricks wears so well, some may not have the, ahem, bust, that so amply fills out the top of her vintage 60s dresses.

I think women are tired of being told they have to look like anyone, specifically. But I think it's unfair to give Featherstone so much stick. After all, she is just trying to help women out by highlighting the obsession our society has with appearance. Specifically, the proliferation of magazine airbrushing to achieve super human body sizes and skin tones. Have you seen the recent Rolling Stone cover that Lady Gaga graced? I didn't realize that she was made of porcelain. And if Lady Gaga needs airbrushing, what hope do the rest of us have?

But we can't just leave our battles up to the politicians. Women (and men) have to take a stand on an individual day-to-day basis to fight against this collective focus on unnatural airbrushed looks. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to take care of ourselves. Good grooming and buying nice clothes that fit us and make us look good are both great for our self-esteem. Exercising to tone up a bit, for health reasons and to keep our brains functioning well is admirable (as long as we don't become obsessed with that either).

But we need to stop adding to this collective hysteria by saying derogatory things about our bodies and others' bodies. Next time you start to say something like "I could lose a few pounds," or comment on other people's weight or appearance, think about what it is you are saying. Are YOU contributing to the obsession with looks? I think we can all take small steps to support people of all body shapes and sizes by just thinking about what messages we are sending before we actually speak.
1

Exercise And Perfectionism Don't Mix

I definitely feel better when I'm exercising. But there's no greater mood killer than feeling like you have to exercise. I've seen a lot of articles written about finding exercise that you like to do, and I think there's no better advice.

But the other thing I've struggled with on the exercise front is being a perfectionist about having an exercise routine. Perhaps because you hear so much about the importance of getting into a routine to form habits. However, there can be a step too far.

After I got better enough from my RSI/postural problems to start regular exercise again, I got a little crazy (this happens to me often). I probably could have been mistaken for a general planning a war exercise with the way I made up spreadsheets, tables and maps for all this exercise I was planning to do.

One of the specific things I wrestled with was my determination to keep a weekly swim in my routine. My gym is right next door to my office, I like swimming, it's really good exercise, and if I didn't do it every week, what was the point of doing it at all? Ah, the all-or-nothing trap. It's a fail safe way for any perfectionist to get paralyzed.

But finally, I wised up. I also admitted to myself I need some routine. I have my Monday tap dancing class. I go to yoga on either Saturday or Sunday – at whatever time works that week. I also attempt to fit in one other dance or aerobics class during the week (right now I'm a big Zumba fan). I really love dancing and I like yoga – or at least the mind and body benefits I get from it. But the thing I do that keeps me the sanest is walking. Although some people think isn't 'real' exercise, I have a lot of time for walking (it probably merits its own post). When I have a pain flare up it saves me as I know it's something I can always do. Also, if I'm too busy for other exercise I know I can still fit in about 25-30 minutes of walking a day – usually on the way to work or home. And that's enough exercise to get the necessary health benefits.

And swimming? Now I reserve that for when I feel like it. Sometimes there's nothing better than going to the pool after work, swimming for as little as 20 minutes and then stretching out in the sauna. In the winter when it starts getting dark at 3 p.m. in London, my gym turns on colored lighting in the pool area and pipes in music that I can only describe as 'light techno'. It's weird, but strangely calming.

I also try to avoid this idea that you have to do a certain kind of exercise a certain number of times per week. At Bikram Yoga the teachers always say that you should go a minimum of twice per week. Why? In the past, someone saying that would have made me fall in line like a little lemming. Now I know that my body can only handle Bikram once a week. But it's still helpful to me, and I can even see changes in my body from it. I try to ignore all the noise from people who don't know me very well. Please remember, it's your life – and you're the expert.
0

On Yoga (Part II)

Yesterday I talked about what I like about Bikram Yoga, but promised to elaborate on the controversy surrounding it. I'll also discuss my one beef with it today. (Click here to read yesterday's post first).

Most of the controversy surrounding Bikram Choudhury – the founder of Bikram Yoga – revolves around his patenting of the series of 26 posture and two breathing exercises. I think some yogis dislike this because yoga is something that belongs to everyone – you can't patent it. But I don't have any serious objection to what he's done. Maybe it's my capitalist American roots. Obviously you can't patent a yoga posture, but if you spent time and effort developing a certain way of doing them, in an order, with a specific taught dialogue, then I think that's alright. After all, you can't copyright individual words, but you can when they're put in a certain order to express a view or tell a story. What's the difference between that and putting words in a specific order to teach a yoga class?

My only problem with Bikram Yoga is the pseudo science that gets spun in class. Choudhury's official website explains that hatha yoga flushes away the toxins in all the glands and organs of our bodies while at the same time bringing nourishment to them. The claim is that the heat not only softens your muscles to make them more flexible but also furthers this cleansing process by flushing impurities out of the body through the skin.

I'm no biologist, but I was good at science in high school and to a lesser degree at university, and I'm not sure exactly what toxins he means. Sweat's main purpose is to cool the body down when it's overheating to keep our temperature constant as warm-blooded creatures. We lose trace amounts of minerals (sodium, iron, potassium) when we sweat, as well as urea. But toxins are generally filtered by our liver and kidneys and waste products from food leave our bodies in a different way, if you know what I mean.

Regardless, I'm not trying to say anything bad about Bikram Yoga, it's just that I think it detracts from the positives of anything when there's pseudo science mixed in. (If you know something I don't about this detoxification process, please do correct me!)

Also, as an addendum to yesterday's post, I did find a great article from Yoga Journal explaining that Bikram does not include weight-bearing postures in the series because he thinks even downward-facing dog is too advanced. This attitude from him pleased me to no end. I am not yet strong enough to do this type of posture, which makes me sure there are lots of other people out there who aren't strong enough to do it properly either, and it could be causing them injury. Click here to read the article and learn more about Bikram's personality as well – it's called Yoga's Bad Boy, which did make me smile.
0

On Yoga (Part I)

When you tell someone that you practice yoga (you have to say "practice" – it's way cooler), there's always that point where you have to discuss what kind of yoga you do. So I'll just come right out there and say it: I do Bikram Yoga.

If you're not aware, there has been a certain amount of controversy surrounding Bikram Choudhury and his yoga – a series of 26 postures and two breathing exercises – that is practiced in a room heated to approximately 104 degrees Fahrenheit and a fair amount of humidity.

I'm going to address the controversy in part two of this posting tomorrow, because when I wrote everything out, it was getting rather lengthy. Today I'll just explain why I like Bikram Yoga, despite the insane heat factor. I'm a big fan because it's very predictable – you do the same postures in each class. Some may thing this would be boring, but it works for me. Firstly, because you can really see your progress week-to-week. Secondly, this is helpful for someone who has a hypermobile (bendy) body like me. I need to make sure I know what I am doing and am not surprised by some over-eager teacher trying to get me to do a handstand (I'm still not ready to do any weight-bearing postures, in fact, including downward facing dog). Also the teachers in Bikram are excellent for the most part – they don't push you to do things you don't want to do. I think this is superb. Correcting a posture is one thing, but as everyone knows their own body best, I don't want someone telling me to go further into a back bend than I can – or would actually benefit my body.

The postures are done slowly so that you can really think about your positioning and using the right muscles. And as far as I can tell, the series builds up the right muscles to promote better posture and to prevent future injuries. The heat feels great – especially in the winter – and you don't worry about how much you're sweating because everyone else is dripping too. Plus, it takes my mind off any worry at all. It's such a hard 90-minute class that you seriously can't think about anything other than just making it through.

I can only manage it once a week right now, but this helps me look forward to it. I feel much calmer after it's done and it's a really good cure for the Sunday Night Blues (when done on Sunday, or even on Saturday – so long lasting are its effects). But the best part of Bikram is when it's over. I always look at the students coming in for the next class and think: suckers.
3

Practice What You Preach

Last week I wrote a post about the importance of taking proper care of ourselves (Your Body Is Not A Machine). But I didn't follow my own advice and later paid the price.

It's been a busy few weeks recently. I haven't exactly been sticking to my rules about not going out more than a few times per week. We've been looking at wedding venues and my Mom was also in London for a long weekend.

In the midst of all this, I went in to see Super Physio for my regular bi-monthly review. I'm now at the point in my treatment where we're just fine tuning – building up a little extra strength here and there and doing some preventative work. To make a long story short, none of the work is related to the chronic pain anymore as that's now mostly gone.

Except that she did find something worrying this time. When we moved house two months ago I hurt my back pretty badly. My postural problems have been mostly limited to my neck/shoulder area, but when we moved, I spent hours and hours on my feet, packing and cleaning both the old and new flats. The Monday morning after the move weekend, my back was so stiff that I was having trouble walking without intense pain.

Fortunately I knew what exercises to do for it and I got the pain to subside. However, what I didn't realize at the time was how badly I actually had hurt it. Because I have a very bendy body, the majority of my back was still working pretty well and I just carried on without realizing it.

When I went in to see SP we stretched those pesky muscles right out and she told me to take it easy for a while. I was good about doing the back exercises, but I didn't exactly take it easy. Instead it coincided with working on a very research-heavy project at work that required a lot of computer time, my Mom's visit, wedding venue viewings, some drinks with friends, a talk given by a Hegelian and Marxist philosopher (different, but interesting), a tap dancing rehearsal and recital (yes, I am admitting to being a novice tap dancer), a friend's 40th birthday and a Fourth of July barbeque. There wasn't a night in two weeks when I just came home straight from work and relaxed on the sofa.

So this past Saturday morning I woke up and my muscles were screaming at me. My neck had joined in the yelling match too. We were supposed to go to a birthday party in the afternoon. I sent Future Hub on without me and glumly stayed at home.

I felt like a caged animal. I was miserable with pain and couldn't face going anywhere but at the same time cursing the fact that I had to stay home. I kept thinking I don't have time for this. I wanted to work on this blog, I had things around the house to get done. I wanted to go to yoga. But I was firm; it was time to cut myself off. I split my time between doing small sets of my physio exercises on the floor and then lying on the couch with heat either on my neck or lower back.

Eventually I made myself feel better by watching the last four episodes of Grey's Anatomy Series 5, which I hadn't yet seen – as luck would have it. With the requisite tear-inducing story lines it also helped me release some of those stress hormones (see yesterday's post). And it was a fabulous thing how much better I felt on Sunday. Well enough to do some writing and get on with my life.
0

A Crying Shame

Last week my mother was here visiting and when she left on Wednesday I spent the first 10 minutes of my walk to the train station bawling like a baby. Thank goodness I had the sense to wear big dark sunglasses to work – even though it wasn't exactly sunny.

I'm not sure what to make of this episode – I'm not even sure why I was crying. I was certainly sad she was leaving but at the same time it was a real visceral thing, a pure emotional response to something that I couldn't quite pin down, like a table cloth flapping in a sudden wind gust.

Which brings me to the topic of crying in general. From my own personal experience and talking to people that I know, women seem to do it more than men. Research backs this up. According to a study done in the 1980s by Dr. William Frey at the St. Paul-Ramsey Center at the University of Minneapolis (which was the first study to look at the biological role of emotional tears versus eye irritation tears), women reported crying five times as frequently as men.

His study also showed for the first time that emotional tears had a higher protein content than the eye irritation ones, which began to back up his theory that tears help rid the body of stress-inducing hormones. Around the same time there was a separate study that showed people with stress-related illness (ulcers and colitis) were more likely to view crying as sign of weakness or loss of control.

I'm not sure if more research was completed in this specific area of stress and crying, but I was able to find a more recent article that did report emotional tears contain more manganese, an element that affects temperament, and more prolactin, a hormone that regulates milk production. Sobbing out these substances is thought to relieve tension by balancing the body’s stress levels and eliminating the build up of these chemicals, making the crier feel better. The prolactin element might have something to do with why women cry more than men; women have more prolactin than men – which makes sense as they produce milk. But I couldn't find any further research in this area.

From my own personal experience, crying is a real stress reliever. Often when I cry it's actually because things I'm frustrated with have piled up substantially, and so when my future husband (let's call him the Future Hub) asks me what's wrong, it takes me a while to sort through everything that's knocking around in my brain.

That's why, sometimes when I'm feeling low and just need to let it all out, it's better to turn on an episode of Grey's Anatomy. There's always some requisite tear-jerker moment – you'd have to be made of stone not to cry – and I can let it all out without anyone asking me what's wrong.
0

Food Is The New Religion

I am certain that food is the new morality. Now that people are no longer afraid of burning in hell, poor food choice has become the new sin. Frankly, I’m getting a little tired of hearing people say they're being 'good' or 'bad' when deciding what to eat. Or that euphemism for good – 'healthy'. I often find myself saying out loud to people, "you know, food is not a moral choice."

Perhaps we've lost sight of the importance of a nice or interesting person – what's important now is appearance. This is what Paul Campos in The Diet Myth, calls the Bimbo Culture. No wonder we're all so afraid of putting on a few extra pounds.

I'm not pretending to be somehow impervious to the pressures of our modern media to look good – which is why I ended up flirting (and briefly getting involved with) the idea of dieting a few years ago.

When I started my physio work, I had to stop exercising entirely, except for some light walking. If certain muscle groups in your body are stronger than they should be, and others are too weak, if you do a lot of strenuous exercise, that's never going to change. The too-strong muscles will never atrophy and the weak muscles will never grow stronger.

Not that I was a big exerciser, but I went to the gym maybe a few times a week. Still, this abrupt exercise halt unfortunately coincided with terrifying chronic pain, the stress of a new job and hitting the big 3-0. I was definitely eating a lot of pizza to keep my spirits up. Needless to say, the pounds started to creep on.

I wish I had been easier on myself then. But no, I was completely wrecked by that excess five to seven pounds (shock horror!). I started counting calories and subsequently went berserk. I couldn't stop thinking about food; I was hungry all the time and guess what? I wasn't able to lose those extra pounds. Even better, when I stopped the craziness, I gained about seven more.

What happened to me was intriguing. Why had I completely failed at this dieting thing? I started doing some research. Eventually I ended up stumbling on a book by Geneeth Roth called When Food Is Love, and it introduced me to the idea of intuitive eating. It also screwed my head back on straight about food and my relationship with it.

In case you're not familiar, intuitive eating is the name for eating by responding to hunger and fullness cues. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. Eat what your body is asking you for and not what your parents tell you to or what's prescribed by some diet in a magazine.

I'm a huge fan. It really fits into my philosophy of being your own expert. Instead of putting food into 'good' and 'bad' camps, everything is allowed, nothing is forbidden. The idea is that once you are freed from these concepts, you begin to eat a healthy range of foods without feeling deprived or overeating. Mind you, a lot of people are very uncomfortable with the concept of intuitive eating. This makes me even surer that food is the new religion. Even writing about it I feel like a heretic.

There still hasn't been any substantial research on whether or not this method of eating works for weight loss. But from my personal experience, dieting doesn't either. However, eating intuitively isn't a quick fix, it's a long-term attitude change. It also involves taking a good look at yourself and how you relate to food and that often is really tough (there's probably a lot of material here to blog on). I've been experimenting with it for about a year now.

In case you were wondering, I haven't lost the extra weight yet. Who knows if I ever will? But my healthy relationship with food is returning. And honestly, I'd prefer to keep the extra poundage if it reminds me not to go back to the world of dieting.
2

Monkeys And Meditation

If I ever mention that I have dabbled in meditation I get a mixed reaction. People are suspicious, but at the same time very curious. What is meditation about, really? Is it about relaxing? And is the person they're talking to really strange?

I actually haven't had much time to meditate recently. We spent the first half of this year buying a flat and moving and are now planning a wedding. Setting aside some time to meditate would probably help with such stress, but never mind. You do what you can.

But what is meditation, really? If I could describe it in the simplest way possible it would be about attention. Have you ever become so absorbed in doing something that you lose all track of time and nothing else seems to matter? For a little while you forget all about your constantly growing 'to do' list, those pictures from 2006 that you never put in an album, the sandwich you left rotting in the work fridge a few weeks ago and also, the sudden thought that maybe all the people in your life have formed a secret club to conspire against you (maybe you believe me now that I'm a paranoid person).

I've done a lot of reading about the idea of mindfulness and meditation, focusing your attention on the task at hand and not listening to all those little thoughts that go shuttling through your brain every minute of every day. But reading about it and doing it are two different things.

So maybe a year or so ago I decided I needed to practice this ability to pay attention – which is what (I believe) meditation is mostly about. I actually bought the book Meditation For Dummies and dealt with the embarrassment of reading it on the London tube. If you're looking for a primer on the topic it's a great broad introduction without any particular spiritual or religious bent.

I started with the first basic type of meditation: to simply sit on the floor (or a cushion), close your eyes and count your breaths. And every time your mind wanders away from focusing on the rise and fall of your belly, you try to bring it back. Apparently our minds are particularly good at wandering. I took a yoga class in San Francisco earlier this year with my friend, and her teacher called this "monkey mind" since your mind is running all over the place like a little monkey. I love this. Sometimes the monkey in my mind also throws fruit at me.

I've experimented with daily 10 minute bouts of meditation over the past year or so, but it's been hard recently. Fortunately, life gives us some great opportunities to start practicing focus and attention without it.

Now I just try to get fully involved in whatever it is I'm doing. Whether it's a conversation with a friend, a meeting, or a task at work that's particularly difficult. When every bone in my body is screaming that I need to be somewhere else doing something else that would make me feel better or happier or calmer, I try to take a deep breath and return to where I am now.

I read once that hell is wanting to be somewhere that you're not (wish I could remember where - I will keep looking for the reference). Maybe we don't have enough time to meditate, but it sure seems like a waste of time in our short lives to be wishing we were somewhere else.
1

Bicentennial Baby

Birthdays – either you love 'em or hate 'em. Most years I'm like an attention-seeking five year old, but after getting engaged earlier this year and getting more than enough attention, the hermit lifestyle suddenly seems more attractive.

I'm trying to stay away from using this blog as an excuse to just blather on about myself. But since it is my birthday, I thought it would be a good opportunity to give you some background.

I was born in the sweltering summer of 1976 in New York City not long after America's 200-year birthday celebrations. I was nearly two weeks late and my Mom says my personality was already formed – I'm not a big champion of change. That said, I make it a point to fight my aversion to it tooth and nail. Otherwise, I'd never get anything done. I'd also be really unhappy as coping with change pretty much describes life.

After graduating from university (or college, depending on where you're reading this from), I worked as a financial journalist in New York City for a few years. But in 2002 when the technology newsletter I was editing got shut down (no readers left), I decided it was a good time to up sticks and so applied internally for an opening my company had in its London bureau.

I've been in England – London specifically – ever since. I'm even a naturalized British citizen and get confused about whether I should be using the English or American names for things when I make a shopping list for myself. Washing-up liquid or dishwashing soap? Kitchen roll or paper towels? It's a hard life.

So back to birthdays. In keeping with the message of this blog, we are often the best expert on our ourselves and a birthday can be a good time to assess how things are going. However, this can also be dangerous. So easy to get stuck worrying that you haven't come far enough or you're running out of time to do the things you want to do. A birthday should never be an excuse to beat yourself up. If you find that happening, please reach for another piece of cake.

Perhaps birthdays are actually a better time to practice acceptance. Why do we all feel like we have to be like everyone else? The reality is that people are extremely different from one another. I mean, I'm never going to look good in skinny jeans. Unless I wear a dress over them and then what's the point?

I think the best part of getting older is that you can see much more clearly what the things are that you enjoy and what generally makes you tick – without having to make excuses. And generally these days I am getting better at not trying to be all things to all people.

Despite my normal social nature, I've just had enough recently, so tonight will be time for ordering in some pizza (my favorite) and perhaps busting out some quality champagne, except this time I won't be swigging out of the bottle. At least for tonight.
0

Your Body Is Not A Machine

I was talking to someone the other day who made the claim that vegetables these days definitely contain less vitamins than they used to. Her reason? She eats a lot of vegetables but yet still doesn't feel well. She feels like crap, in fact, and she's tired all the time.

I felt bad for the poor vegetables she was slighting. So I did a bit of investigation. It's allegedly true. According to Dr. Donald Davis at the University of Texas, Austin, the average vegetable found in a U.S. supermarket contains 5% to 40% fewer minerals, including magnesium, iron, calcium and zinc. However, he does concede there is a lack of historical data for comparison (read the whole article here).

Even though we are supposedly getting fewer nutrients in our veggies, I think the facts plainly show that we are healthier than we've ever been throughout the course of human existence. According to the World Health Organization, the average world life expectancy in 2005 was 65.6 years, up substantially from 1900, when it was 31. And we also have a better quality of life. Just spare a quick thought about polio, outhouses, bedpans and having to wash your clothes in the river against a rock.

So why does my friend feel like crap? The missing link is that in addition to her full-time job, she has recently started a business on the side. I wonder why she's so tired. Our lives seem more complicated than they've ever been and at the same time there's more pressure to be 'fulfilled' and 'happy' – whatever they mean.

I too tend to overextend myself. This is especially true when it comes to socializing – I find seeing friends and hearing their tales energizing. When I was going through my physiotherapy treatment one of the things I found tough was slowing down to allow myself time to rest. Although I had a full-time job, I tried to keep up the same social life while squeezing in my exercises every morning and night, often when I was so tired I wanted to cry. It was defeat in my mind to admit that I couldn't do all the things I desired. 'More is more' is often my motto. But I think it means I end up with less in the end.

Super Physio had one phrase that rang true time and again: your body is not a machine. What I think she meant was that although our bodies are fabulous machines (how does our heart just keep beating like that?) we can't expect them to run at full capacity when we don't take care of them properly.

I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea that I can't go out every night of the working week and still stay sane. I have a strict limit of two nights per week. And I even carve out some time for myself at the weekend – to go to a yoga class or actually keep current on paying bills or answering emails.

Let's stop blaming outside factors (the poor veggies!) for our bleary eyes and feeling worn-out. It takes a lot of courage to honestly assess where you are doing too much and not taking care of that incredible human machine. You only get one, by the way.
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The Magical Life Of The Morning Person

It's a little sad, but if I could change one thing about myself it would be to magically turn into a morning person. There was an article in the Evening Standard this week called, "Why Morning People Rule the World" and that pretty much says it all.

Also, my Dad thinks non-morning people are lazy. This article agreed. "Morning-ness is perceived as a sign of activity and zest, whereas evening-ness implies laziness and loafing," it explained.

But the article also stated that scientists have been able to prove that we don't have much choice over when we are awake – our genes dictate our natural propensity for being more alert at certain times of the day. Apparently we evolved this way so that there would always be someone awake to scope out danger, like rival tribes attacking or hungry stray coyotes. Unfortunately, these days, if you want to have a job, most are 9 to 5-ish – take it or leave it.

Thus, mornings are a dark time for me. I'm not really prone to depression (I'm more the anxious, paranoid, high-strung type), but I get a taste of what it might be like as I peel my body from the sheets and drag my corpse-like body into the shower. "I just can't go on like this," I think as I'm washing my hair. I've tried everything to make this process less painful and I just can't seem to, no matter what time I go to bed or how many pancake breakfasts I promise myself I'll make.

So what's a sluggish girl to do? First, there's coffee. I try to keep it to one in the morning and then tea or maybe soda for the post-lunch dip. My grandmother will be 94 this year and she drinks a reasonable amount of coffee. She's totally fine – and much sprightlier than me, I should add. She still does aerobics.

Second, I've learned to work with what I've got. I resisted this for a very long time. There were experiments with getting up early to write in the morning before work or trying to establish a morning meditation routine. As if. Morning meditation is just a good excuse for going back to sleep. Now I dismiss these silly ideas straight away. When I started thinking about when to write this blog, I conceded it would have to be after work or maybe during my lunch break.

Third, I am trying to get up at the same time (that ungodly hour of 7 a.m.) every day to at least have a routine, instead of convincing myself I can go back to sleep for just another five minutes about 20 times. And then I am extremely kind to myself about when I get to things in the morning. I don't do too much brain-powered work first thing as I ease into my day. I also don't eat right away – I'm just not hungry – no matter what those experts say about breakfast first thing. And I've started walking to the further train station so I have 25 minutes of sustained heart pumping blood around my body. I certainly don't walk fast – it's more like painful plodding – but by the time I get on the train I have started to feel less like a zombie.

I am still hoping that I will someday stumble on an article with a really good suggestion for how to change myself into a morning person without the aid of a fairy godmother (believe me, I have looked). There are still many mornings when I am able to convince myself that I can probably sleep until 8 a.m. and make it into work by 9 a.m., even though it takes me about an hour to get there. On those mornings, even if it is sub zero outside, my hair is dripping wet and probably I am not wearing matching socks.

I wonder if there are similar challenges for morning people. Personally I can't imagine them, but if you're a morning person, please do comment, I'd be quite interested to hear how your life is less magical than I think.
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So You Want To Be A Runner…

As I sat on the table across from my physiotherapist she asked only a simple question. "Why is it that you want to run?"

Well, runners are long and lean and disciplined. They do marvellous things like get themselves out of bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings to run 10Ks. Runners get to buy special food like power bars and sports drinks to "keep up their strength". It's romantic to be just you and your trainers on the long road with the horizon stretching out in front of you. Like a sort of Nike advert. And you can write books about it like Haruki Murakami. I mean, I want people to listen to What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (his book, by the way).

But I didn't say any of this to my physio. I think I mustered an explanation that had something to do with "I'm bored of walking so much." Which isn't a bad reason, but not sure that it's a great reason.

I kind of knew what she was going to say after five years of talking to her about my body and what it's capable of. In case you don't know me (although that's unlikely as this is my first blog posting ever), it's been about five years since I ran into real trouble with my body. I am a former financial journalist who spent about four years battling painful muscle spasms caused by poor posture (some might call it a musculoskeletal disorder or repetitive strain injury (RSI)). It was the hunching over my desk typing that did it, but a big part of it was also my body type – hypermobile – scientific speak for being flexible.

As I write this blog, I'll tell you the whole story. How I figured out what was wrong with me, and how I eventually fixed it, with the help of a physiotherapist, who by any standard is just super. So I'll probably refer to her going forward as Super Physio.

But it's a long story, so we'll let it unravel slowly. All you need to know now is that I'm getting to the end of the journey of chronic pain and now have a new body to manage.

Anyway, back to the running. Super Physio reminded me gently about my body type and how I'm more prone to injury than most – particularly in those high impact sports like running. But if running was really something I wanted to do badly, she'd help me get there. But why did I want to do it? Did I enjoy it? Was it something that might cause me to get injured more often and mean physio more often – and was I OK with that?

That is the very essence of what I want this blog to address. We often do things for reasons other than what's best for us or what will actually make us happy. We follow the latest fitness craze because others are doing it. We eat more blueberries because someone told us they are the next super food (even though we don't like them). We take bottles of vitamins because we feel crappy but we don't even think about how we're not getting enough sleep and running ourselves ragged. We do lots of crazy things under the premise of "health," but are we any better off? And do the experts know more about our own bodies than we do? We are the ones who live in them every day.

Resolving the running issue was a quick thought process for me. I didn't really want to run because it was something I liked doing. It just seemed cool when other people did it. So maybe best to leave it to them. There are loads of other fitness activities I'd rather partake in. And more physio, more often again? No thanks. I think Super Physio is great, but I'd really rather be out living my life.
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