I cut all my hair off last weekend. Apparently this is what brides do after the big day is over. In fact, my hair guy was extremely nervous I'd set my mind to do this – according to him, this is what always happens post-wedding and nine times out of 10 the women hate the result and he is left picking up the pieces.
I certainly don't hate it, but I'm still undecided as to whether or not it's really 'me'. You can see from my new blog photo that it's not all that short – although it probably is the shortest I've ever had it. It also had to be super long for the wedding, you see, so that I could do this with it:
(That's my amazing Mom, by the way. One of the biggest fans of the blog!)
So it's a big change. I wrote about change last week and the importance of embracing it and ironically, when I changed my hair (a temporary change as hair grows back) I still managed to freak out a little.
It didn't help that there were clearly mixed reviews. Some people didn't even mention it when I ran into them in the kitchen at work. Clearly a negative sign. But there was also lots of positive feedback and comments that it made me look younger (!) and even taller (!!).
But all of this made me think about the importance I place on approval and how that might be detrimental.
I have found that generally, when I do something for myself instead of seeking others approval, the result is usually better. In terms of quality, and happiness, and general well-being. But why is this such a difficult thing to do?
I once took a job because I was flattered it was offered to me. I used to go out with some guys because they liked me. Big mistakes.
I've been thinking a lot about the future of my career and writing post-wedding (now that I have more time to ponder, and also to breathe). And I think one thing that is particularly important is to be really honest with myself about what it is I want – instead of all the notions I have had floating around in my head since I was a kid, including other people's pesky opinions. Because I think that once I figure that out, then the more practical steps will be much easier.
There's a part in Anne Lamott's wonderful book on writing, Bird by Bird, where she talks about how you can't write to get published – how you have to be enough already (despite the fact that being a published author is a good thing).
The reality is that we get mixed reviews our entire life – but it's us that has to be happy with what it is we're doing (or how our hair looks). Defining ourselves by those around us is a losing game.
Perhaps it's hard to deal with real-life post-wedding because you've just had the one day where you can do no wrong. With a wedding, there are no mixed reviews. Even if you have no voice and in some photos your boobs are kind of jumping out of your dress (I told the dress lady it was too tight!). Coming crashing down is always a shock.
PS Do you think that Kate will cut all her hair off after the Royal Wedding? I would certainly bet on it.
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