What I Can Do

I've been feeling a bit bummed that I have to go back to my physio today. Not that I don't like seeing her, but I was only discharged only about eight weeks ago and was hoping I'd be able to handle things on my own for a while. But then last week I broke down and called her as the pain on the right side of my lower back hasn't been calming down as quickly as I'd hoped.

One of the hardest things about being in physiotherapy is that you have to do lots of exercises. And they're not easy to always fit into your schedule. But another tough thing is that you can't always do all the other activities you like. Sometimes you have to explain why you aren't on the tennis court during your friend's grass court barbeque. You end up sitting on a bench telling someone about your struggles with your neck pain or your back pain instead of actually playing.

The good news is that it's possible to get better – the bad news is this takes time and patience, particularly if it's been a problem that you've had for a while.

I've noticed recently that when it comes to exercise, I often focus on what it is I can't do – which creates frustration and struggle. Instead of being happy that I can walk and go to yoga I can't stop thinking about how things would be so much better if I could go swimming, play golf or tennis or go to Zumba.

And it made me realize, this is what unhappiness is all about. When you want to be doing something you're not and when there's something better out there that you desire, it's impossible to be happy.

It's a very simple thing, but wanting to play tennis when I can't isn't doing me much good. And throughout the last six years when I was really struggling with becoming pain free (which I mostly am now), I was constantly waiting for the day when I was 'better', when life would begin, when I would be happy again. Not that I wasn't ever happy, but when it came to my body, I was engaged in a constant struggle. And this wasn't only because of the pain (although sometimes it was the pain – ouch!), it was because I was focusing on what my body couldn't do. And I wonder how much more quickly I would have gotten better if I hadn't fought things so much. If I would have rested more and respected my body for where it was at that moment, instead of yearning for where it was I wanted to be.

That's in the past now, but I can certainly learn a lesson from it. As I go back to see Super Physio today I need to accept whatever it is I need to do right now at this moment to get the pain in my lower back sorted out. I'm afraid she'll tell me I can't go to yoga for a while. And afraid that she'll say that it will be months and months until I can take an aerobics class again. But I'm going to try to accept whatever it is my body can do right now at this time – because anything else isn't doing me any good.

Related Posts:

• Pain Can Make You Ill
• Our Bodies, Ourselves
• Third Time Lucky

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Exercise, Again

It's not easy to get into an exercise routine. For anyone. But you've got to be strategic. It's got to be right for your body type, something you actually like doing and the right frequency to keep you from just giving up.

As you may know, I am now recovered from what was a terrible problem with my posture that resulted in muscle imbalance and pain. Unfortunately for me, after recovering, I had a few set backs, including a tonsillectomy and then a back injury last summer from moving house that was totally unrelated (apart from the fact that I am hypermobile, which means I will probably always be a little more prone to injury than most people).

So it's been a long time since I've had a regular sustained exercise routine for more than a few months – besides walking. And that's been tough. Both physically and mentally.

But last October, the stars finally aligned and my physio cleared me to start exercising again. First, I started going back to Bikram yoga. I was thrilled– but had to remain calm about the whole thing and not overdo it. I just went once a week. I also went back to my tap dancing class. This was all amazing.

And then, it got better! I was cleared to do some aerobics again, so I started getting back into Zumba (a dance exercise class). This trio of activities got me through the five months prior to the wedding.

So what happens now? I've been getting stronger and although I don't want to overdo it, I wanted to up things a little more, considering that tap class doesn't happen every week and sometimes we don't even really work up a sweat (we all usually just wear our work clothes). And even though I'm not sure I'll settle at this level, I think exercising three to four times per week seems like the right amount for me.

I'd been toying with a few ideas – including going to yoga twice a week. I tried it, but it was just too much for me. I know that the Bikram yogis swear you have to go at least that much, if not everyday, but it's expensive, and it's time consuming. Apart from being a 90-minute class, you get so sweaty that there's no way you can leave the building without a shower. Plus there's the 15 minutes I spend after class sprawled on the floor unable to move before I can even get to the changing room.

Going once a week is still really challenging, but I also don't dread it. For now, that's my Bikram yoga equilibrium.

One thing that has influenced my decision about what to add in next is a pesky bit of a click in my right shoulder (not sure how else to describe it). According to Super Physio, this will go away once my right deltoid (the big shoulder muscle) gets just that bit stronger to hold one of the joints in my shoulder together better.

I have weights that I use to do specific physio exercises with, but SP said that I need to do more varied work (i.e. faster and in more directions) to actually get that deltoid muscle as strong as it needs to be to stop said pesking 'clicking'. And this doesn't mean I need to become a body builder – no, it means going to Zumba and waving my arms around more and doing things like swimming or tennis or golf.

So I've now started adding swimming back in on Thursday nights. In the past I've struggled a bit with trying to incorporate swimming into my routine. But I am pretty interested in getting rid of that click and I think it's probably the safest bet right now as I don't feel ready for tennis or golf yet. Also, there's the added incentive of a little lie down in the sauna afterwards.

There's a lot to think about when it comes to exercise for me. I can't just plow ahead and try out every new exercise fad that comes along (and who really wants to fly with Jukari or throw those kettle balls around anyway?). Sometimes it stinks, but I know that in the end my body will thank me for it. I have to be my own expert, as only I know the type of exercise that works best for me, what I really like and how I can make it sustainable. And I think that might even be true for everyone, even if you don't have a pesky shoulder click.

Related Posts:

• Keeping Score
• Our Bodies, Ourselves

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Exercise And Perfectionism Don't Mix

I definitely feel better when I'm exercising. But there's no greater mood killer than feeling like you have to exercise. I've seen a lot of articles written about finding exercise that you like to do, and I think there's no better advice.

But the other thing I've struggled with on the exercise front is being a perfectionist about having an exercise routine. Perhaps because you hear so much about the importance of getting into a routine to form habits. However, there can be a step too far.

After I got better enough from my RSI/postural problems to start regular exercise again, I got a little crazy (this happens to me often). I probably could have been mistaken for a general planning a war exercise with the way I made up spreadsheets, tables and maps for all this exercise I was planning to do.

One of the specific things I wrestled with was my determination to keep a weekly swim in my routine. My gym is right next door to my office, I like swimming, it's really good exercise, and if I didn't do it every week, what was the point of doing it at all? Ah, the all-or-nothing trap. It's a fail safe way for any perfectionist to get paralyzed.

But finally, I wised up. I also admitted to myself I need some routine. I have my Monday tap dancing class. I go to yoga on either Saturday or Sunday – at whatever time works that week. I also attempt to fit in one other dance or aerobics class during the week (right now I'm a big Zumba fan). I really love dancing and I like yoga – or at least the mind and body benefits I get from it. But the thing I do that keeps me the sanest is walking. Although some people think isn't 'real' exercise, I have a lot of time for walking (it probably merits its own post). When I have a pain flare up it saves me as I know it's something I can always do. Also, if I'm too busy for other exercise I know I can still fit in about 25-30 minutes of walking a day – usually on the way to work or home. And that's enough exercise to get the necessary health benefits.

And swimming? Now I reserve that for when I feel like it. Sometimes there's nothing better than going to the pool after work, swimming for as little as 20 minutes and then stretching out in the sauna. In the winter when it starts getting dark at 3 p.m. in London, my gym turns on colored lighting in the pool area and pipes in music that I can only describe as 'light techno'. It's weird, but strangely calming.

I also try to avoid this idea that you have to do a certain kind of exercise a certain number of times per week. At Bikram Yoga the teachers always say that you should go a minimum of twice per week. Why? In the past, someone saying that would have made me fall in line like a little lemming. Now I know that my body can only handle Bikram once a week. But it's still helpful to me, and I can even see changes in my body from it. I try to ignore all the noise from people who don't know me very well. Please remember, it's your life – and you're the expert.

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