Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

All Four Seasons

We can all be very impatient. We want things to happen fast, adjustments to take no time at all and for it all to be easy. But the good stuff often takes some time.

My Aunt Donna once said to me that it takes four seasons to get used to something new. She was talking at the time about moving to another country (she was an expat too, in the Netherlands), but I often think of her words whenever I am dealing with a change of any sort, an experience or a difference. A new job, a move of house, mourning a loss.

After all, a year, even with all of its seasons and changes of light and temperature isn't really a long time in the scheme of our lives. I'm not sure where we get the idea that it is. When entering adulthood we've in fact spent at least 12 or 13 years in education - if not 17 or 18 - preparing to go out and get a job and live on our own. So why should we be surpised when six months into our first job we still don't know what we're doing?

But I remember feeling that way. Now, when I start a new job or role I know it will take at least a year to get used to it and many years to become competent at it (if ever). Maybe it's one of those lessons of adulthood that only becomes apparent over time, like the much quoted: the more you know, the more you realize you don't know. Because clearly, when I was 14 there was nothing I didn't know.

I wish I could be more cognizant of this yearly rule as my impatience surfaces time and again. Three or six months often seems like so long and yet whenever I reach that year mark I look back and see so clearly how little time it actually was (only one season, or maybe even two!).

My Aunt Donna was a writer. She didn't write books, but she wrote emails as if they were excerpts from them, and the way she spoke had the same expressiveness. Her words about the four seasons will always be a reminder to me of the time things actually take, but also the importance of experiencing life in the way you would when welcoming in each changing new season.

Related Posts:
0

Hygiene Factors

It's a big week for me – our new fridge/freezer arrives on Saturday. It inconveniently broke the week of our wedding when about 30 of my family members descended on London. And despite writing on this blog at the time how easy it was to get the repairman to come in and fix it, now it just sits there dead and broken. And we are finally defeated; we are just coughing up money for a new one.

Turns out it had a faulty part. And all three subsequent replacement parts were faulty too. We both did a good bit of chatting on the phone to the retailer, me in an entitled American not-so-composed sort of way, the Hub in a rational English way with dulcet tones. He did his best to coax them into keeping us as 'life-time customers' if only they would just replace the bloody thing.

Eventually it seemed our only option was to get it written-off, but that seemed to take even more effort. When it came down to it, I couldn't bring myself to make onemore  single phone call about it or work from home for yet another morning to greet yet another repair man. (I learned a lot about the electrical goods retail industry: 1) they make a lot of money from selling you expensive guarantees and goods of dubious quality 2) they sub contract out the repair work, which is then sub contracted out again to local repair people, who never answer the phone.)

The one good thing that came of the whole palaver was that one of the repair men found the Hub's wedding ring, which we lost about two weeks post wedding. (It was mysteriously sitting on top of the fridge).

Refrigerators are something that you only truly appreciate when they are gone. And I believe this makes them, in management/business school speak, hygiene factors. A hygiene factor is something that doesn't motivate you, but causes angst when it is no longer available. Like hot showers. No one jumps out of bed, excited by the prospect of a hot shower (do they?). When people talk about whether or not they are happy they don't usually say, "Things are good – the showers are hot." But when someone's shower runs out of hot water, my guess is that you hear about it that day at work – probably in more detail than you care for.

Having an extra fridge is definitely a hygiene factor. I'm sure once we get our new one you won't be reading any more blogs about it – I probably won't opine about how it's great to have the room to freeze extra bagels and have lots of ice handy. Or how we will now be able to keep white wine and beer nice and cold for when guests pop in unexpectedly (which happens ALL the time)*.

Hygiene factors mystify me. Why can't we harness them more for our happiness levels? Why don't roomy fridges, hot showers and warm beds send us skipping down the road?

Why does the absence of something annoy us but its presence is taken for granted? I don't really have much of an answer here, but I think it's worth thinking about as generally there is much we take for granted.

As a generally grumpy morning person, when things are worse than usual, I do try to turn it around by thinking of what I've got to be thankful for on my walk to the train station. Sometimes it starts with a very grim "I least I have legs." But at least that's a start.

*For full disclosure here, the tiny fridge that came with the flat is an under-counter one and we also have a small dorm-sized freezer from our old flat. We have been surviving on these two boxy devices since March. I spend my days sitting on the floor to look in the fridge and trying to cram everything into the freezer without ruining our four frozen wedding cupcakes that we hope to eat on our first anniversary.
Related Posts:
0

What I Can Do

I've been feeling a bit bummed that I have to go back to my physio today. Not that I don't like seeing her, but I was only discharged only about eight weeks ago and was hoping I'd be able to handle things on my own for a while. But then last week I broke down and called her as the pain on the right side of my lower back hasn't been calming down as quickly as I'd hoped.

One of the hardest things about being in physiotherapy is that you have to do lots of exercises. And they're not easy to always fit into your schedule. But another tough thing is that you can't always do all the other activities you like. Sometimes you have to explain why you aren't on the tennis court during your friend's grass court barbeque. You end up sitting on a bench telling someone about your struggles with your neck pain or your back pain instead of actually playing.

The good news is that it's possible to get better – the bad news is this takes time and patience, particularly if it's been a problem that you've had for a while.

I've noticed recently that when it comes to exercise, I often focus on what it is I can't do – which creates frustration and struggle. Instead of being happy that I can walk and go to yoga I can't stop thinking about how things would be so much better if I could go swimming, play golf or tennis or go to Zumba.

And it made me realize, this is what unhappiness is all about. When you want to be doing something you're not and when there's something better out there that you desire, it's impossible to be happy.

It's a very simple thing, but wanting to play tennis when I can't isn't doing me much good. And throughout the last six years when I was really struggling with becoming pain free (which I mostly am now), I was constantly waiting for the day when I was 'better', when life would begin, when I would be happy again. Not that I wasn't ever happy, but when it came to my body, I was engaged in a constant struggle. And this wasn't only because of the pain (although sometimes it was the pain – ouch!), it was because I was focusing on what my body couldn't do. And I wonder how much more quickly I would have gotten better if I hadn't fought things so much. If I would have rested more and respected my body for where it was at that moment, instead of yearning for where it was I wanted to be.

That's in the past now, but I can certainly learn a lesson from it. As I go back to see Super Physio today I need to accept whatever it is I need to do right now at this moment to get the pain in my lower back sorted out. I'm afraid she'll tell me I can't go to yoga for a while. And afraid that she'll say that it will be months and months until I can take an aerobics class again. But I'm going to try to accept whatever it is my body can do right now at this time – because anything else isn't doing me any good.

Related Posts:
0
Back to Top