Why I Still Do My Physio Exercises -- Sort Of

After posting The Great Mind-Body Connection I've had a few questions about whether or not I still do the remedial physio exercises I depended on for so long. And the answer is yes -- and no.

The basic concept behind Super Physio's exercises -- which she often referred to as "remedial Pilates" -- is an active relaxation of the tense muscles. The reason for muscular pain is that the muscle fibers that are supposed to be loose and relaxed are actually "switched on" and in spasm, or constant movement. Through the exercises, you "switch on" your core muscles and when you do that, it is impossible to for the tense muscles in your back, neck, etc. to remain "switched on". And this is exactly how Pilates classes help people maintain good posture. It's all about making sure the right muscles are strong.

And as long as the pain problem is mechanical, these exercises work very well, which is why they helped me muddle through some really difficult times. But as I explained in my previous post, I was still experiencing pain because my mind continued to create tension in these muscles. And now that I know that, the pain has mostly subsided.

But I still do my physio exercises at least once per week. Why is this? As they are a very basic form of pilates, they help to keep my posture aligned. And why is this important if I'm not doing it for pain relief? Three reasons:

1. Good posture is essential for proper breathing. Just speak to a singer. You can't communicate, stay calm or sing (if that's the sort of thing you like to do) without breathing correctly. It really is our life force, physically, mentally and emotionally.

2. Then there's vanity. Let's face it, people with good posture just look better. They sit and stand up tall, they look healthier and more confident.

3. Basic exercise. Sometimes I'm not exercising as regularly as I'd like, but as long as I'm doing my core exercises, at least I know I can maintain a very minimal level of core strength (very minimal, mind you).

And as a caveat: this may seem counter intuitive, but I make a point to try not to do the physio exercises when I do have a small pain flare up. This is because I now know that my problem was not a physical one to begin with. Sure, it became physical, when my body was tied up into knots, but these days I address the emotional aspect first and the physical results follow.

Related Posts:

• On Breathing
• The Great Mind-Body Connection

1

Discomfort

When we moved into our new house in November, it was incredibly exciting -- the moment we had been waiting for -- for well, nearly a year. All those forms we had filled out, fees paid to solicitors, estate agents and the sleepless nights worrying over the new mortgage: were we making the right decision? 

And the move was exciting. The movers broke a radiator on the way out of our old house. We broke the key in the lock of the garden door on the first night in the new place and had to call an emergency locksmith. I accidentally switched off the boiler by flicking a random switch in the kitchen and drilled holes in the wall that were too big for the coat hooks, which meant we sheepishly had to call in a handyman to fix said blunder. 

But it was all still thrilling. At least for the first day or two. And then the discomfort kicked in. 

We both took a week's holiday to "settle in". This was very sensible as in the end as we got loads of things done very quickly that would have taken weeks to accomplish if we had scampered straight back to work. But still, I found myself wishing we had gone back to work since that would have felt more normal. To be completely honest, I felt incredibly uncomfortable and hated the idea that we were living somewhere new and it didn't feel like home. I almost would have given anything that week to undo the whole change and go back to our old flat. 

I have to credit Leo Babauta's blog Zen Habits as helping me come to terms with the idea of discomfort. He explains in such an understandable way why our fear of discomfort gets in the way of doing things we would like to do -- like changing our habits or stretching to try new things.

Because here's the secret: discomfort is O.K. If you can watch it, observe it and see that it isn't killing you, or even maiming you. In fact, it's necessary. Because you can take two roads in life: the one of total comfort, which keeps you stuck, in the same place, and the one of discomfort, which is needed for change and growth. Anything new feels weird and uncomfortable, but if you just stay with those feelings for long enough and don't run and hide, then eventually they pass. 

Which is what happened over the course of that first week in our house (of course, duh). And now I love it. It was definitely the right decision and I am thrilled again. Although I do have a thing or two to learn about drilling. Or knowing when to call in the professionals. 

Related Posts:

• What If I Need It?
• Coming Home (Again)

0

Strife For The Sake Of Strife

I have a British passport and a British husband. The next thing I need to add to my collection is a British driving license. Here's the thing. In the U.K. there are two types of licenses – an 'automatic' one and a 'manual' one – if you take the driving test on a car with an automatic transmission then you cannot drive a manual car (legally). 

If you were bleeding to death and the only thing that stood between us and the emergency room was a car with a stick shift, I could probably get you there in one piece. But it wouldn't be pretty. I've had two friends try to teach me how to drive stick in parking lots and sparsely populated areas, so I sort of know how to do it. But without ever driving a manual for more than a few hours at a time, I'm not very good.

So the question is: when I learn how to drive on the left side of the road in a foreign country and have to take a driving test for the first time since I was 17, should I just go the whole hog and learn how to drive a manual properly?

I've been asking a lot of people this question and a lot of people have been telling me yes. It will be so much cheaper to rent cars, they say, and the gas mileage is so much better.

And there's that part of me that loves a challenge. I'm not sure what it is I'm trying to prove, but I think it goes along with all the things we do to try to make ourselves feel happier, including accomplishing more. And there's nothing wrong with a challenge, right?

This past Saturday one of my (very smart and lovely) friends said to me over a few cups of coffee: "What, are you crazy? You have a full-time job, plus all the socializing you do, not to mention your blog and what about all those projects you want to get done?" Besides, she said, changing gears all the time is annoying. "Why we don't all drive automatics in Britain is beyond me."

(I'm paraphrasing somewhat – I don't usually take notes when I'm out with my friends.)

I want to get my license to make my life easier. At some point we may want a car (the Hub doesn't drive, which is a whole other story I won't go into). I already have to learn the rules of the road in another country at the age of 35, not to mention orient myself to drive on the other side of the street. There's no reason to make this harder, considering how precious the time is that we each have on this earth.

I think at some point I created a story in my head that the more that I accomplish, the more skills I acquire, the more things I know, the more satisfied I will be – someday, that is. But when does it all end? Will I someday do enough to be enough?

But I'm onto my thinking now. I know its wily tricks. I may need to learn how to drive at the moment, but I don't need to learn how to drive a manual. Instead of making my life more difficult, the current plan is to just enjoy learning how to drive, without the extra stress. Sometimes life is tough – and sometimes we make it tough.

Related Posts:

• Know Thyself,  Know Thy Work
• Enough: Limits Can Be Expansive
• Problem? What Problem?

5

Problem? What Problem?

Most troubles, when left to their own devices, go away. Would you agree?

After reading the fabulous A New Earth, I've been trying to put the lessons learned to use. It's not supposed to be difficult because, after all, it's just a shift in consciousness – you don't have to really do anything. Still, old habits die hard, and I just find it so easy to worry.

So I got to thinking about what my 'problems' really were and wondered if it was possible to stop worrying about them?

I've come to the conclusion that there are three things that happen when you leave your problems to sort themselves out:

First, you relax. You don't worry about the problem anymore and therefore your mind becomes free to come up with a creative way to solve the problem. Richard Carlson calls this the 'back burner' effect. If you have some big problem you don't know the answer to, just get on with other things. Your subconscious mind will 'work' on the problem, but that pesky ego part of the brain that really blows everything out of proportion and gets itself tied into knots won't get involved. This happens to me all the time with work difficulties or writing problems. I can't figure out how to get something done so I just stop thinking about it. Usually when I am on the train or on a walk somewhere a solution will just pop into my head out of nowhere. Putting problems on the back burner really does work.

Second, it gives you the space to assess if it really is a problem. Sometimes 'problems' are just uncertainties or worries you've created. (Actually, most of the time that's what they are.) If you tell yourself that a problem will sort itself out, sometimes that's just the right amount of space you need to realize that it isn't really a problem. And, if you do decide there is a problem, and there's something you can do about it, then you can come at it from a relaxed, clear mindset, instead of a flustered, angry one.

Third, letting problems sort themselves out gives the universe time to, well, actually sort it out. Most things aren't really in our control. You may decide that you can't stand your boss and you don't know what to do about it. But then your boss might get transferred, or a new job opportunity comes up. You don't have to do something about everything. Sometimes all you need is a little acceptance and before you know it, the situation will have changed.

I know that many would argue that real problems don't go away, that there is always something to worry about and bad things do happen. And while bad things may happen, so much of what we worry about is in our mind. When you think about the now – the right now – what really is the problem?

So for now, I'm taking a stab at truly believing that my problems will get sorted out and leaving them to it, so that I can relax and actually enjoy my life.

Related Posts:

• Gratitude: Pumpkin Pie Mix In England
• When Is A Crisis Not A Crisis?
• Anger: A Warning Sign

4

Book Review: A New Earth

Now, some people love self-help books and others groan at the thought of them (guess which one I am). So let me start this post off with a question: 

Do you ever wonder when you're going to be happy? Do you feel like you live in a constant state of wanting things to be better, waiting for the day when you have less stress and find some peace? Do you often find yourself thinking that you will worry less and be happier when [fill in the blank] happens?

The first self-help book I ever read that really started to get at the root of these issues was Richard Carlson’s Stop Thinking, Start Living. It was the first time I realized that perhaps I was causing my own unhappiness. That I really didn’t need things to be a certain way for everything to be OK.

I will continue to recommend Stop Thinking, Start Living as a must-read, but A New Earth: Create A Better Life by Eckhardt Tolle (you may know him as the author of The Power of Now) is the newest must-have self-help book to sit on my bookshelf.

Tolle explains that the root of all our suffering comes from a lack of awareness of the fact that the person we know to be 'I' is split into two parts – consciousness and the ego. The ego is that part of your brain that you 'hear' all the time. The thinking part. It spends its time getting attached to things, not just material things, but any kind of form. It likes to be right (and for others to be wrong). And it's also a big fan of drama and storytelling. It is – essentially – our identity, our personality.

Its purpose is to survive, no matter what, so it attaches to whatever it can. For example, if you decided to rid yourself of the ego and attachment by renouncing all possessions, the ego would look for something else, say attachment to anti-consumerism. How many people do you know who have tried to search for greater meaning through something and then become unbearable with the steadfastness with which they attach to it?

Understanding the idea of consciousness versus ego is not an easy one – for the very fact that we are so strongly identified with our ego. But Tolle does an amazing job of making it all so clear, through examples and approaching the concept in many different ways until you find your perspective slowly shifting.

I believe (myself included) that most of us experience a background unhappiness without realizing that we are creating this ourselves. The ego makes assumptions – unexamined thoughts that are then confused with reality. As Tolle himself says, "Listen to people’s stories and they could all be entitled 'Why I Cannot Be at Peace Now.'"

And how to be at peace now? We’ve all heard it before, but by making peace with the present moment. The problem is that people don't really believe this will work. They live for the future, they live in the past, and they are skeptical that if they just focused on what they were doing right now, at this very moment, that nothing would change, nothing would get better.

Read the whole book, I say. Because it will tell you again and again in different ways, effectively drumming it into your head so you can finally start putting it into practice:

To the ego, the present moment is, at best, only useful as a means to an end. It gets you to some future moment that is considered more important, even though the future never comes except as the present moment and is therefore never more than a thought in your head. In other words, you are never fully here because you are always busy trying to get elsewhere.

And the best part? You don’t really have to do that much to make peace with the present. All that is required is a subtle shift in consciousness; an acknowledgement that maybe there is a different way. And it might just get you that one step closer to peace.

P.S. I clearly thought this book was fantastic. However, I will caution that there is a chapter on the 'Pain-Body' which I thought was a little out there (and I am pretty liberal when I read these books). You'll know when you get to it. I suppose I am not sure I agree with his assessment of collective pain-bodies, particularly the bit about women.

Related Posts:

• Book Review: Women, Work and the Art of Savoire Faire
• Book Review: Poser - My Life in 23 Yoga Poses
• Book Review: The Now Habit 

2

Routines (Again)

I've written before about how routines can be calming for those who suffer from anxiety. But as I've discovered in recent weeks, routines can also be essential for just getting your weekly 'stuff' done. As I mentioned earlier this week, in my first post back in a while, I've got a new role at work. It's a good thing, I think, long-term, but in the short-term, it's completely wrecking havoc with my weekly routine.

In addition to the fact that I just have more work to accomplish, I am also more tired and stressed and unable to concentrate on much else during the weekdays. So when it comes to things like doing our weekly online grocery shop, exercising and blogging, the old way just isn't working anymore.

Emails are going unanswered and the Hub is wondering why suddenly there is no food in the house (thank goodness for our local Chinese and pizza place – although I am sure our sodium levels are through the roof). My role change also resulted in a desk move and I accepted (foolishly) new monitors that couldn't be adjusted to the right height. My neck and shoulders were not happy and it took a few weeks (and some begging and pleading) to locate some better monitors. My body is still recovering from the strain.

This post is not meant to be a whining session, but a look at how we sometimes feel like we aren't going anywhere fast or getting things accomplished. But in fact, it takes a break in routine to realize just how much we were already getting done.

I've been playing around with getting into a new weekly schedule. My first line of attack is to try to shift my exercising to the weekdays – yoga on Sundays was great for me and worked really well, but I think I now need Sundays for writing – an activity which I don't have the energy for after a long day at work. Swimming, I was already starting to do after work, and in fact, that may serve me even better now as it's a good excuse to get up from my desk and leave the building – even if I feel like I have more to get done. It should also (hopefully) keep me focused on accomplishing enough daily to get to the pool at a decent time.

Obviously my job is very important, but I can't neglect my health and I've come too far with all my physio work to fall back into neck and back pain from working hours that are too long and at the same time not progressing with other exercise. And, well, if you're reading this blog, you must also know how important Mind, Body & Scroll has become to me in the past year as a way to work on my non-work writing. It's one of the last things I want to let slide.

And, as for the groceries, I'm sure the Hub will be happy when I have worked out a way for us to eat properly again. Dominos' shareholders, however, may not be as delighted.

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• Calendar And Control
• First Things First
• Hygiene Factors

1

Pre-Made Sandwiches?

I have a dream. I want to start up a New York deli in London, where anyone can get any sandwich they want, made-to-order. The deli would, of course, also sell pizza by the slice.

I've been feeling a bit homesick recently and it seems to have manifested itself in a real irritation with the British love of the pre-made sandwich -- particluarly pre-made sandwiches heavy on the mayonnaise. With no choice in the manner. Even ham and cheese sandwiches are coated in mayo, while they should so clearly have mustard on them, if you have to choose a condiment.

I probably wouldn't have become so irritated were it not for the fact that the one sandwich place in Canary Wharf that I liked and that actually made sandwiches to order (although they would still give you the hairy eyeball if you asked for anything even slightly wacky) struck my favorite sandwich off the menu. It was essentially the closest thing to a meatball parm sub that I have found in London and I believe I was probably the only person in all of Canary Wharf ordering it. Sans spinach of course (which was their 'recommended' combination) and with cheese instead.

Did I handle it with grace? No. I screeched, "but that was your BEST sandwich!" followed up by a scathing, "Well, you've lost a customer." I don't think the people at 'Baguette' even batted an eyelid as I turned on my heel and walked away. People are never surprised by the behavior of Americans abroad, really.

Thing is, although I'll definitely miss my pseudo meatball sub, I think it was a bit of a scapegoat for my general feelings of homesickness lately. For some reason, I seem to associate Italian-American cuisine with my love of America, which is strange because I have no Italian roots. I suppose it's
just my comfort food. When the Hub and I had our brush with watching Jersey Shore last summer (we loved to analyze Sammi and Ronnie's complex relationship) I believe I enjoyed it mostly because they were constantly chowing down on things like Chicken Cutlet and Baked Ziti – dishes that when mentioned here elicit a blank look.

Why the homesickness? It could be that this past week was Thanksgiving, which, like Fourth of July
always makes me a little sad. Or that I have recently been thrust into a new role at work, which although a good thing, is new and therefore stressful and my routine has gone amok (more on this soon). Or, maybe it's just because I haven't been back to the States in a year.

What's interesting, however, is while most people might just say they feel a bit sad or in a rut, ex-pats have a very convenient scapegoat. There's always something concrete to blame the malaise on. For me it's the loss of the meatball sandwich. And tomorrow it will be mayonnaise-coated ham at Pret. But the truth is that sometimes we just feel sad or stressed for no real reason at all -- and sometimes that's hard to stomach, almost as much as excessive amounts of mayonnaise.

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• Wearing A Hat Inside The House
• Small Towns And Solo Weddings
• Some Things Are Better... Some Things Are Worse

1

Routines

What is it about routines? Why is it that even something nice like a bank holiday on a Monday throwing off my routine can make me feel a little icky, a little unsettled?

In my early 20s I discovered that I was having panic attacks. I wasn't sure what to call them and didn't even know that they had a name, in fact. The only 'mind problem' I was aware of was depression. But I didn't feel sad. I was just having moments of sheer utter panic for no apparent reason. Sometimes it would happen late at night while I was awake lying in bed, or on the subway going to my art class downtown. I knew something wasn't right, and looking back I even remembered having some attacks when I was very young.

Eventually I did something about it. I went to see a psychologist and had sessions with her for about two years. I learned what a panic attack was, that they were actually very common, and she taught me some techniques for dealing with them. Doing some therapy was a great experience actually. I think everyone should do it at some point in their life – it's like taking a continuing education course – on yourself. As long as you are ready to work, because facing your own demons ain't always pretty.

I truly believe that people's general anxiety levels are set pretty early on. And I am a worrier. Give me a spare moment and I will come up with something to worry about. My parents used to call this my 'overactive imagination', like it was something good or at least interesting. But when you draw pictures age five of giant blue monsters that tower over the end of your bed, I do wonder.

As I talked about in my post Baby 19, there is some scientific evidence out there to back up my anecdotal evidence (my own observation of myself) that we don't have much control over our anxiety levels.

But what we do have is control over is how we cope with our anxiety.

I was given a great cognitive behavioural technique (CBT) by my therapist back in the day that helps if I do find myself having panic attacks. But I find these days I don't need it so much as I've developed other coping mechanisms. In fact, I don't have many panic attacks anymore.

One of the most helpful things is just knowing my triggers. Holidays (sad, but true), routines being broken, extreme work stress (particularly working late at night), lack of exercise, too much time alone, not enough time alone (ironically) and abundant amounts of drinking. Alcohol may soothe the anxiety short-term but a build up of cocktails – no matter how nice that cosmopolitan tastes – isn't helpful.

Exercise helps, especially taking long walks and yoga. Writing helps too. Having a place where I can fully discuss things that emerge from my 'overactive imagination' (such as Shrapnelphobia) is a Godsend (so thank you, MB&S readers, for listening). But mostly, knowing that my anxiety is normal for me and will happen at certain times, allows me to just hang on and live through it. I know it doesn't feel particularly nice, but I know it won't kill me and that it will pass eventually.

I don't know, I think I'm not alone in suffering from anxiety – the world can be a pretty sad and scary place sometimes. And people do seem to love their routines, and things I feel are helpful too, like exercise or meditation. We all need our coping mechanisms. Do you suffer from any kind of anxiety? How do you cope?

Related Posts:

• On Breathing
• Uncertainty
• Friday Find: On Mental Illness

0

Pack Your Bags!

While we're on the topic of holidays, I recently received a reader question about something vacation-related.

How do you manage the stress of getting ready to go on vacation so that you're not totally at wit's end by the time you get on the plane? I find it very difficult to get everything tied up, packed, all travel and directions under control - it's exhausting.

And this reader has a small child and a husband who travels a lot and can't always help out.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret of adulthood that I've learned recently: people who make things look effortless are usually working pretty hard at it.

I'm always surprised to learn that some people who I thought were 'cool' or 'relaxed' are actually just more organized that I am. Like the friend who always looks put together for work. I thought my inadequacy in this area was just my lack of talent. But then I found out that she actually plans her whole work wardrobe for the week on Sundays (sneaky).

So if you feel like you always have too much to do before going on holiday, leave yourself more time. And be honest about it. If you need to start getting ready a month before, no one needs to know (unless you write a blog about it).

My one caveat is that there are some people for whom getting ready to go away on holiday isn't a problem. You know the type: the carefree, happy-go-lucky ones, who can throw some items into a rucksack (backpack) the night before leaving, usually after pounding some shots at work drinks. I envy these people.

But if you're not one of them – how to get ready for a holiday without losing your mind?

The first step is to start packing early. And by early I don't mean a few days before. I mean at least a week. I discovered how amazing this was when packing for our honeymoon. I knew there was no way I would be able to pack after the wedding, so two weeks before (don't judge – the weekend beforehand I was turned out of my own house for the 'stag' party) I spent an afternoon trying stuff on and deciding what to bring. Thing is, without the last minute pressure, you can actually enjoy it. It cleverly adds to the anticipation and reminds you why you are going away, as you pack your sun block and wide-brimmed hat and imagine how nice it will actually be. Don't get ridiculous or anything, you can pack your toiletries and carry-on the night before. This strategy, however, leaves you time to edit, time to wash things you want to bring and make a list of the stuff you still need to buy at Boots (or your neighbourhood drug store). And you will have a whole week to do it.

But what about all the other stuff? Finishing up at work before the holiday and all the other unexpected things that happen last-minute, before you go away? My reader explains what happened before her last holiday:

I had to scramble to find workmen to sort out a window with broken locks, wasps, another window letting all the rain leak in and finally a leaky toilet.

Again, what you need is time. So clear the decks. Don't plan social events in the week to the run up to a holiday. Leave time for disasters. Aim to have your packing done the week before and use the same tactic for other things that have to get done. For example, I try to make sure I've got all the 'urgent' work that needs to be completed before I go away done by 5 p.m. Thursday, instead of Friday, for example. Sometimes these tricks don't work, but it's worth a try.

If you're a list maker, make a list and a schedule – and as geeky as it sounds, set yourself deadlines. I do a lot of project management at work and I'm learning that setting small achievable deadlines is really the only way to get monumental tasks done.

To some, getting ready to go on a big holiday may not seem stressful, but who cares – if it's stressful for you, it's got to be tackled. Because not going away on vacation is not the better option.

If you have a question you'd like Mind Body & Scroll to try to tackle, don't hesitate to email me. Or use the comments section.  

Related Posts:

• Holiday Honesty
• Holiday Styles

0

Book Review: The Now Habit

Run -- do not walk -- to the nearest book shop or visit your favourite online retailer and buy this book. You will never look back.

In recent weeks (perhaps months) I've been stuck in a real procrastination rut. One could argue that I'm too hard on myself (true) but I'm also sick and tired of feeling bad that I'm not accomplishing the things I want to get done. I've made the decision that either got to find a way to do them or just forget them and enjoy my life. I refuse to be caught in a constant stress cycle of wanting to do things, but not being able, and then feeling disappointed in myself.

So thank goodness I picked up The Now Habit by Neil Fiore, PhD. Compared to the last book I read on procrastination -- The Procrastination Equation -- this book gives the reader some really specific and novel ways to tackle procrastination. I read this book last week and although I do tend to get a little excited about new self-help books, I honestly feel like a different woman. In the last few days not only have I done much more work than usual but it also has been accompanied by far less stress. Perhaps I was ready for a solution (which always helps) but still, I can't see how reading this book could be a bad thing for anyone.

According to Fiore, there are three major fears that block action and create procrastination: the terror of being overwhelmed, the fear of failure and the fear of not finishing.

As he so aptly puts it, this is what a typical procrastinator thinks:

"I have to finish something important and do it perfectly while enduring long periods of isolation from the people and things I love."

Procrastination is a coping mechanism. Putting off something you are dreading is a reprieve from these feelings -- albeit a temporary one. It just creates more dread, terror and fear as the deadline fast approaches.

Fiore explains that people who procrastinate need to change their thinking about work. Those who are likely to procrastinate have often been told from an early age that life and work are hard and things won't be easy.

For example:

"You have a lot more work to do before you can rest on your laurels; you'd better get used to things getting tough because adulthood is even worse than childhood; and while you're out having fun, some catastrophe is lurking around the corner, waiting to surprise you."

Sound familiar? Even if we haven't been told this specifically by our parents, there are other ways to pick up these types of messages: school, work, religion, our bosses, the media and the IRS (or your government equivalent). The reason these types of messages are so stressful is that they invoke feelings of "I have to" or "I should" and mean that your brain has to not only muster the energy needed to do the dreaded task but also provide the energy needed to resist threats to the integrity of the self.

Fiore's book spells out new ways to speak to yourself and ways to change your thinking. It's a clear and easy method to follow and even if you don't believe what you're saying at first, over time the brain should experience some rewiring.

But Fiore also offers a novel way to get started on projects. He explains how to break things down into manageable chunks (which we are probably all familiar with), but also gives a concrete method for getting started while at the same time alleviating the pressure to do things 'right' from the get go. He calls it the 'unschedule' and it's brilliant. I won't give it all away -- also it sounds a little silly unless you read it all the way through and actually try it out (but it's an exercise that's really worth doing).

I can't recommend this book enough. Not only has it given me hope for completing my projects, it has also taken me a step closer to being kind to myself without sacrificing meaningful work, creativity or leisure time. Go buy this book. You can thank me later.

 Related Posts:

• Making Peace With Red Tape
• Ten Bags Of Clothes
• Book Review: The Procrastination Equation

0

Good Old-Fashioned TV News

Very early this year I stopped reading the free newspapers in London because of the miserable news they are laced with. I felt that it wasn't really doing me any good and decided to be more selective about the information I digested – you can read further about it in my post from back then: To Know Or Not To Know.

It's been going pretty well. I've had more time to read on the train to and from work and I haven't been as upset by all the news of torture and death. However, I've started to feel slightly disconnected from what's going on in the world. I'm finding that when I meet up with friends, particularly when it's a group, current events naturally come up. It's as if I live on another planet sometimes. I find myself saying "Wait, what's going on?" in disbelief probably more than I'd like.

But I was a little puzzled as to how to rectify the situation. I certainly didn't want to go back to reading the free newspapers. I could always buy another paper (everyday? or just once a week?) or read news online at lunchtime. But lunch is one of the only times that I have to read other people's blogs.

Then, the other night, the Hub switched the TV to the national news at 10 p.m. We've been trying to get into the habit of turning the TV off at a set time (10 or 10.30) so that we can wind down before bed – reading, tidying up the kitchen (me, not him). So he left the news on and went off to do something and I, too exhausted to move from the sofa, laid there and watched the whole half-hour program.

And it was amazing! In our Internet age of online news sites, commentary, blogs and twitter, I had forgotten there was another way to get news. And it was packed with all the major national and international news stories, succinct and it was finally, finally information given to me without reading (I didn't feel guilty - I read a lot). I know TV news can be biased ('the establishment's' side of the story, I suppose), but really, all I want is a way to just know what's going on generally. If there's anything I want to know about more specifically, I can go online and read more about it.

It's also a good way to punctuate the end to the evening. If I know I'm going to turn the TV off at the end of the news, I'll do it. Habit-forming and all that.

But it does seem so old-fashioned. Getting news from the TV, the broadcast TV, when it's actually going out live? What will I be doing next – buying a rotary dial phone?

Related Posts:

• To Know Or Not To Know

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Making Peace With Red Tape

I have finally finished my U.S. taxes. Well, I have finally finished gathering together the materials to do them, so that I could send them to my tax preparer. (Doing my U.S. taxes as an expat is clearly out of the question. I am still traumatized by my Dad making me do them when I was in college and I had to try to figure out how to account for share sales that were paying my tuition).

Life is full of red tape. There's always something you need to be doing admin-wise. Whether it's making a dentist appointment, figuring out how the heck to send a postal ballot in the U.K., applying for a mortgage or doing your taxes, it will probably never cease. There are thank-you notes to send, birthday cards to write and garbage to take out. Living in a society with other peoples comes with all sorts of rules and responsibilities this way. Even dying requires a certain amount of admin.

I've started making a sort of truce with red tape. Not sure if I'm at peace with it yet, but the light bulb has finally gone on and I've realized that putting things off doesn't make them go away and instead creates more pain. Playing catch-up is always a grind. So why do so many of us keep things on our to-do list for ages, taunting us?

I was thinking about it last night and realized that sometimes completing things frightens me. When things are all done, beds are made and the admin is under control, what's left? If I didn't have silly things to worry about, would I be faced with the really scary things – the fears that I don't particularly like sitting with?

Ironically, having all sorts of admin hanging over my head avoids a certain amount of discomfort. Clearing away all the excess clutter leaves me alone with whatever is there (whatever that is). I suppose it's a little like meditation. Just sitting there, doing nothing, alone with your thoughts. No wonder people turn the other direction when you start talking about meditation.

But the flip side – and the less scary side – is that when you do clear away all the clutter of life, you can also find the space to focus. You can touch base with the uncomfortable stuff and then make choices about what's actually important.

But practically, how do you get started on clearing all the admin away?

What has helped me is finding some time to focus on it – a scheduled time. Setting aside a specific time does two things – it makes sure you stay focused when you're doing it and also it gives your brain space to do other things when it's not the time to do admin.

For example, when I do manage to get up early (at 6 a.m.), I'm not actually ready to do creative things, but I've found that I am really good at clearing my inbox and sorting out other tasks like bills, online grocery shopping or figuring out how to get to an upcoming country wedding by train. I prefer to get serious writing done instead after work and before dinner. Also, starting the day with admin sorted makes it much easier to really concentrate on work at 9 a.m.

Another thing I do is set aside some time on Sunday nights to go through the stack of papers that has accumulated throughout the week (mail, magazines, odd scraps of paper with lists scribbled on them, etc.). I file away important bits and decide what to chuck. That means during the week I can open my mail without worrying too much about it. I can just put it in the pile if it can wait until Sunday. I know piling things is another form of procrastination, but I'm OK with only sorting it out once a week (hey, nobody's perfect).

Also, if I have a bigger project I want to do, such as cleaning out a closet, or putting together a flat-packed piece of furniture (don't get me started on how long this actually takes – I am never ordering furniture in pieces again), I schedule it in. Block out a Saturday afternoon. Just like I would do with a social engagement. If you want to de-clutter your life and your brain, you have to build in the time.

Obviously, you have to be your own expert and find what works for you. But before you just sigh and forget about it, thinking red tape is the bug bear impossible to conquer, it's worth examining what it is that keeps you from actually dealing with annoying admin. And what you could gain by getting it under control.

Related Posts:

• Silly Stress
• The Art Of De-Cluttering
• What Next? Start Small

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Worth It On The Day

Well, okay, so I'm a little depressed. Sad, at least (don't want to trivialize depression here). Not just because the wedding is over, but because for a fleeting week I had so many of my family and friends in London and I want to do it all over again – and spend more time with each and every one of them. I feel really homesick for them all.

The photographer sent me the photos on a DVD and it arrived today. As I looked through them again I had a flashback to when I was a child and would point at the pictures of books and exclaim to my mother, "Be in there? Be in there?" I consistently wanted to get out of everyday life and be part of the much more exciting story, whatever it was.

And so, I wanted to jump into the cocktail reception again. I could see groups of people talking and wanted to go back and wander up to them, maybe not in a white dress, but as a bride-double in a black cocktail dress and chat with them for ages. "So what do you really think about Taron's dress?" I'd say.

I suppose that this is a good thing – that in the end, despite all the work and the stress and the time I went to the ladies room at work one day at 11 a.m. and cried for no particular reason for a good 20 minutes, it was all worth it on the day. All the Saturdays spent running around London doing cupcake tastings and hair trials (and firing my first hair lady – this sounds more bridezilla-ish than it was), a never-ending e-mail inbox filled with questions from vendors and guests, hours of addressing envelopes and decision-making that ranged from the ridiculous (what proportion of chocolate cupcakes should we have) to the more serious (which vows should we say) – despite all this, I'd do it all over again.

And the Hub (at long last!!) actually summed up the reason why quite nicely. He said that he was a little surprised at how easy it all was. Not a performer like me, he had been worried about standing up in front of everyone so much – during the ceremony, while making a speech and the (very much dreaded) first dance. But in the end, he didn't find it nearly as hard as he thought. Why? Because everyone is rooting for you (I'm paraphrasing here). When you're getting married and everyone has come to see you, I think you could literally be speaking Pig Latin, wearing a garbage bag dress (as long as it's white) and everyone would still think you were the bees' knees. (Note: the Hub's speech was genuinely good and he said really nice things about me – he even mentioned Mind, Body & Scroll!)

There aren't many times in life when you can do no wrong. That's why, if you're not planning to get married, or if you just haven't yet, make sure you have a really big birthday party at some point in your life (see my post on More Parties, Please for more on this). Invite friends and family far and wide. There's no reason that everyone shouldn't have an opportunity to spend a lot of money to look good and then have a queue of people come up and hug them.

The Hub and I have been together for quite some time but it was great to finally say it out loud. And even better, to let everyone else celebrate it too. So I will say, for the record, the whole thing was pretty cool.

Related Posts:

• People Pleasing
• Upstaged By The Royals
• Six Weeks To Go

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Opportunity Cost

There is a big opportunity cost to planning a wedding. I suppose there is a big opportunity cost to anything in life though, really. If you're not familiar with the economic term, opportunity cost is the cost of passing up the next best choice whenever you make a decision. For example, by going to university/college you sacrifice three or four years of income you could have been making. That money – or whatever your next best choice is (travelling the world, perhaps?) – is the opportunity cost of going to university.

So I suppose when I tally up what this wedding actually costs us and our families I should also think about the pay check I could have made by having a part-time job. (It’s definitely THAT time consuming.)

The other 'cost' of planning a wedding is the toll it takes on your energy for other things. It’s quite ironic that I am spending a small fortune to have my hair and makeup professionally done on the day. Because for the past few months I have been incapable of wearing any makeup to work and because I am wearing my hair 'up' have not been able to have it cut and styled – so it has grown out way too much. Alas, most days I just wrap it in a bun at work like an old school teacher. And today I’m not sure that my clothes actually match.

I think it's fair to say that I was a bit of a mess this week in general. I left the deli one day without my lunch. The woman had to run after me. When I told her I was getting married in less than two weeks she understood! She also nearly hugged me with joy, which was actually really nice (since I was having a bit of a wobble that morning over a family issue).

It's funny, the less I sleep and the more of a sort of general mess I am, the less I feel worried and anxious. People keep telling me to relax or try to give me tips on how best to sleep. It's all nice and I appreciate the thought, but strangely, I'm actually ok with feeling a little strung out. Because I know it will pass. I really wouldn't expect anything different at this point in time with what's about to happen. I think if it were things as usual and I wasn't sleeping well I'd be far more worried.

This is actually a big step for me. I'm no stranger to being stressed but I'm also no stranger to being stressed about being stressed. Which is taking things a bit too far. But these days I'm busy and have a lot on my mind, and I'm ok with that. I'm just checking things off the list and trying to be kind and nice to myself. Being alone sometimes helps me – so I worked from home one day this week just to feel the peace of being by myself and not being distracted. It was really helpful -- not just for my sanity but also getting things done (need to remember that for the future).

As we gear up for the wedding 'week', when everyone starts arriving and all the finishing touches need to get done, I'm not going to be able to keep blogging (at my pre-wedding turtle-like pace). I think it will be a good three weeks where I won't be here much – although if I am so inspired and can manage to sneak away in a closet somewhere with my laptop I may do a cheeky post…

But in case I don't, thanks for listening, dear readers, to my musings and tales about the wedding and everything else in the past few months. I'll be back with a lot more time on my hands and lots to say (I'm sure) towards the end of March.

Related Posts:

• More Parties, Please
• People Pleasing

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Guilt And The Cleaner

Lately I've been feeling really guilty about having a house cleaner. No matter what I'm doing on a Thursday morning I am filled with shame and remorse at how messy the flat is as I put the dough out for our cleaner extraordinaire (let's call her CE). One morning I got really mad at myself – I was actually running around trying to look good for a conference I was speaking at (read: an actual full face of makeup) – and yet still I felt bad about the state of our living quarters. Why do I need to able to do everything perfectly? Isn't speaking at a conference enough accomplishment in one day for me? Just because what was a tidy flat on Sunday night comes apart at the seams by Thursday morning, doesn't make me a bad person. (Right?)

I made the decision to hire a cleaner a few years ago before Future Hub moved in with me for two reasons. First, my aunt, who was a very wise woman, once told me that a woman should choose between cleaning and cooking, but never do both. As I love to control the kitchen, that one was a no brainer. And it made sense to me, this rule. My parents have never employed a cleaner, but my Dad does all the cooking and grocery shopping as well as fix things around the house. My Mom gets rid of the dirt.

Second, at some point Future Hub was over at my place and I was cleaning (this sounds weird to begin with). Anyway, he saw me dust the TV and exclaimed, "Why are you doing that? That's the kind of thing you only have to do once a year!"

It was that point that I knew we would never see eye to eye on cleanliness standards and there had to be a third party involved to settle this kind of dispute. We often joke that the pounds we spend each week on CE is really money spent to keep us from arguing – hush money, if you will.

If there ever comes a time when we can't afford it, I will gladly clean the flat. I also won't be able to afford my weekly Bikram yoga fix either in that case, so I would actually need the over four hours it would take me to do all the housework as my weekend exercise (CE does it in three and a half, but she's a professional).

This week I got a bit closer to getting over the guilt. As you may know from an earlier post this week, I've not been well. On Thursday I went into work but really couldn't hack it. My even-tempered colleague who sits next to me told me to go home after I sneezed about five times in a row. There was sputtering and coughing and just general lurgy-ness* seeping out from around my desk. So I scampered home, only to find that CE had not arrived yet… she was running late and so came in around the same time as me.

Can you imagine the guilt? I actually had to be there when she first encountered the mess and so immediately started tidying things up even though I was feeling like death warmed up. After a few minutes I decided enough was enough. If I wasn't well enough to do the job I actually get paid for, what kind of nut was I to start cleaning up when I was supposed to be resting? Sometimes I just reach a point of such ridiculousness that I have to follow my friend's sage words from our crazy days living in New York City (usually used in reference to some guy situation):

You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

I clambered up to the loft and curled up on the sofa to watch some old taped episodes of MasterChef, eventually dosing into some sort of Sudafed-induced dreamlike state, with the comforting sounds of CE vacuuming** downstairs. It was really nice to have someone else taking care of things for a while. Almost like having a mom around. Almost.

*Lurgy is the generic English word for being ill. Noun. Typically used to mean some sort of icky cold with sneezing, coughing and the like. Also, it might be interesting for those American readers to note that in the UK 'sick' means to puke, as in, 'I was sick' to mean 'I threw up'. When you have a cold or flu or something you say you are ill, not sick. 'Sick' can also be used as a noun, as in 'I cleaned up my sick'. Ew.

**Sometimes I'm not sure if I should use American or English English words in this blog. I keep going back and forth. Vacuuming is very American, whereas here they would say 'hoovering' – the Brits call vacuums 'Hoovers', after the brand. And we all thought Americans were the big consumers!

Related Posts:

• Silly Stress
• Life Lessons
• When Is A Crisis Not A Crisis? 

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The Common Cold And Not-So-Common Hysteria

I have a cold. And I am miserable. I don't know what it is, but getting ill – even with only a common cold – sends me into a hysterical state of mind.

I think a lot of it is the fear that my old fragile state has returned. Before I had my tonsils out in early 2008 I was constantly sick. I felt like everyone pitied me as I went from one razor blade throat to another. When I didn't actually have full-blown tonsillitis (or strep throat as it's known in the States) I still had a dull ache in my throat and was pretty much constantly tired.

One of my first-ever bosses came to the conclusion that I just had a weak constitution. The NHS doctors here either told me there was something wrong with my head (seriously – one said to me, "sometimes there's something wrong, but often it's in our heads") or that I just needed to take more vitamin C – as if I had never had that brainwave before.

After fully recovering from the surgery, I have gone from weeks of sick days a year to one or two here or there. But still. I hate any form of sickness, even the common cold, as those old feelings of inadequacy and freakishness come creeping back in, as if my gunky infected tonsils that I carried around with me for years was my fault.

It doesn't help that I've got the "biggest day of my life" looming in four weeks and my perfectionist fears are starting to take hold.

Being sick reminds us that we're human and fallible, and worst of all, don't have absolute control over our bodies. I'm seeing Super Physio more than usual right now even though I'm not in any pain, as we are trying to make sure that my body stays in tip top shape before the wedding – the right muscles loose and the right muscles strong.

As she said, it's not time to experiment with new radical exercise routines or seeing how long I can go without doing my physio exercises! There's no time in the next few weeks for my hips to get tight (causing backache) or for my neck to get sore from shoulders hunched up around my ears. As much as I want to be hard on myself right now for all variety of reasons (like not posting frequently enough!), now is the time to take care of myself, be kind and (gasp!) even try to enjoy the run up to the wedding, as everyone knows it will go fast enough. This is the one thing that all former brides and grooms have said – the actual day goes by in a heartbeat.

I don't always enjoy things as much as I should because I'm too busy thinking how I could be doing them better. It's a miserable way to live when I do fall into that trap and it's quite interesting that the next word in the Word by Word Self-Discovery Series that I've been participating in over the past few months is 'pleasure'! So stay tuned for a more in-depth look at that concept… I'm still mulling what exactly to say, but I'm forming an opinion pretty fast. If you want to learn more about the series or participate yourself, click on Joy's kick-off post. I think it's a great word choice!

In the meantime, it's soup for me and some rest (today it's Wagamama's Chili Chicken Ramen - pricey but effective). As much as I'd like to go to Bikram yoga tonight I don't think it's going to happen. I went through a whole pack of tissues in my last meeting. Yuck.

 Related Posts:

• A Happier Immune System?
• Beware The Flu
• Pain Can Make You Ill 

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Listen, Don't Tell

Do you trust yourself?

When I first started physiotherapy, I certainly didn't trust my body. And why should I? It had turned on me, corrupting my life with pain and making me realize that things I had always taken for granted weren't a sure thing anymore – for example, being able to use my hands. (For a more complete tale of what happened to me, read The Whole Story.)

When I finally found a physio to help me get my life back I plunged head long into doing everything she said to fix it. And sometimes we talked of the day when I would be better. How often would I have to do my exercises, I asked? Would I have to do physio exercises every day for the rest of my life?

Her answers were murky to me. We would see, she said. Maybe I would need to do them once a week, or once a month. It would be a matter of how I used my body on a day-to-day basis and what else was going on in my life.

I didn't get it. At all. I wanted prescriptive answers. I wanted to be told I would need to do X static abs X times per week.

But I'm finally getting it. Even when I do my exercises now I don't necessarily do the 10 repetitions she prescribed to me at the beginning. These days I can feel when my back is flat enough on the floor and when my shoulders are loose enough. These days I listen to my body – I have finally stopped telling it what to do.

Generally, I think we have stopped listening to our bodies as much. We are like deer in the headlights when it comes to all the 'health' advice we're getting from T.V., magazines, and newspapers. Our lives are so fast paced and we're so stressed out that we need others to tell us how to take care of ourselves.

It's bull puckey (I once had a camp counsellor who used that phrase – I haven't used it in about 20 years).

Yesterday my body was a mess. I felt completely pre-menstrual (even though I wasn't, which was slightly worrying). I was stressed about a million little things that all added up to make me feel terrible. So I slowed down and listened. I wasn't very hungry, so I ate very little. I drank a lot of water. Even though I went to yoga on Sunday I still felt like I needed to move some more – so in addition to my tap class last night, I skipped the bus and walked up the hill home. Even though it was freezing!

I'm feeling much better today. I don't know what was going on yesterday, but it's not important. Listening to ourselves extends far beyond the physical, including some harmless bloating. It's not just about what we want to eat or whether it's a day to put our feet up on the couch or go for a walk. It's about what we want to do with our time, our days and our lives. This past weekend I really didn't want to do any writing. So I just stayed away. I know that's a luxury – many of us get a pay check to do things for a certain set amount each day and each week – but there are so many other choices we make. So until I'm in a situation where I don't have any choices, I will try to take advantage of the ones I do.

Related Posts:

• Four Meals A Day - And Why Not?
• Taking It Easy
• Pain Can Make You Ill

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To Know Or Not To Know

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but all of a sudden Future Hub was mentioning current events and my mind was just coming up blank. He was incredulous that I wasn't aware of some parliamentary scandal or another. "You mean, you haven't been following it at ALL?" he said, probably one normal Tuesday evening.

Thing is, one day I just got tired of reading the free newspapers in London. In the morning there's Metro and after work The Evening Standard. Everyone seems to read them and they litter the train seats and the tube seats and the flat bit in the middle of the escalators. There's a lot of highly entertaining stuff in them – restaurant reviews, celebrity gossip and of course news. The regular serious stuff like budget cuts and politics and business news but also pretty much every horrible thing that happens in Britain and the world. Children being tortured and abused, accidental holiday deaths and women cyclists in London being run over by lorries (trucks). The women always seem to be exactly my age. And of course whoever she was, she definitely had a promising career and there's always a pretty picture of her smiling back at you.

A week ago the header read: Mother and Son Killed in Bathtub. Apparently they were electrocuted when an heater fell into the tub. I didn't read the story, just peered over at it across from the tube aisle (which also toughened my resolve to write this particular blog soon).

I am aware that horrible things happen in this world. Everyday, all day long. But does it do me any good to read about them morning and evening, day in and day out? Perhaps it would be useful to know not to keep electrical appliances close to the bathtub, however, my Mother has hammered that lesson into my head for as long as I have been alive. And in Britain they don't even have electrical sockets in bathrooms, such is the fear quotient about mixing electricity and water (which begs asking how this freak accident actually happened – and I don't know, not having read the story).

I'm not suggesting totally cutting oneself off from the news flow entirely. For work I need to know what's happening in financial markets, so I read the free business newspaper (City A.M.) every morning and also get to the Financial Times later in the day as well. I also digest all sorts of trade journals about my particular industry.

But do I need to know about every terrible thing happening in the world? Does it help change things in any way? Would I be more likely to make a difference in this world being a calm, happier person who doesn't dwell on every real-life horror? I hope so. Because that's the particular tack I'm taking at this moment. Not only does reading the daily free papers upset me, but it also takes up precious free time when I could be writing or reading books on my long list, or spending time chatting with friends (here and abroad).

And I still find out about stuff. It's amazing how much people tell you about current events. If you're interested in something in particular you can then go and read about it. Even just reading the Saturday paper once a week will tell you more than you need to know about anything that has happened in the past seven days (if indeed you want to know about it).

'They' say knowledge is power, and it is, but is all knowledge power? And there are always things we'd rather not know. Does idle horrible gossip about friends or co-workers help anyone? I say, when it comes to knowledge, be selective. Pursue what you're interested in, challenge yourself, but don't think you need to know everything that's going on – all knowledge certainly isn't equal.

Related posts (on attempting to avoid some stress):

• Silly Stress
• Success Is Fun But Work Should Be Too
• Email: Channeling Josephine

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The Art Of De-cluttering

It's getting close to New Year's resolution time so I thought I'd talk a little bit about clutter. I've been working this week, which is a quiet time in the office (particularly in Britain where people get much more holiday). I've been disappointed, however, with the amount of work I've actually had to do because I was planning on doing a good desk de-cluttering.

I'm not saying it's my greatest thrill in life, but it may be close. Nothing gives me an instant pick-me-up like getting something de-cluttered. Even if it's only a drawer or one bookshelf, getting rid of the non-essentials really helps me to get focused and centered. Whenever I feel overwhelmed it's often because there's mess around. It makes everything seem worse than it is.

So I wanted to share my two top tips for getting rid of stuff.

First, you've got to do it constantly. When I was young I used to embark on missions to clean out my room. As a natural hoarder (my Mom used to call me Oscar the Grouch) things would get out of control quite frequently – from the numerous shoe boxes under my bed storing every letter/card ever received to dusty knick knacks littering my bookshelves.

The 'clean out' would always end quite badly, either with a meltdown of tears at the mess I had created or with my Mom bailing me out by helping me to at least get everything back into livable shape (stuffing the shoe boxes back under the bed perhaps?). I think what I failed to comprehend was that cleaning things out had to be done more than once a year.

These days I try to keep up a constant attack. When it's quiet at work I take 20 minutes or so to clear out old folders or stacks of papers that have surreptitiously piled themselves up on my desk. I will often tackle just one kitchen drawer or cupboard at home. At the end of every clothing season I try to do at least a quick clear through. I find I actually enjoy it – particularly when the task is very small. A basket of toiletries in the linen closet here, a nightstand drawer there. And no matter how sceptical you are that there's anything in there you need to throw away, you will always find something to get rid of. Promise.

But the second tip I have is probably the more important one. You have to shift or de-clutter something in your mind. For me, the hardest part is worrying that I'm going to get rid of something that I will need at some point. Whether it's a dress that doesn't fit and I don't wear anymore (and it's probably not even in style!) or a cardboard box that may make a good container for something.

So I have a mantra: be brutal. I think about how nice it is to have clear space and how there are charity shops out there that need my old things and clothes. Again, I remind myself how less is more and that if I need something in the future I will get it somehow.

I don't want to live my life in constant fear, needing things just in case.

And, when I have a clear workspace, a clutter-free kitchen counter top and a closet where I can actually see my clothes and shoes, my blood pressure seems to fall a notch and I feel much calmer. It's well worth it keeping Oscar the Grouch in his trash can where he belongs.

How do you tackle clutter? Or does it not bother you?

Related Posts (about habits, routines, eliminating stress for yourself):

• Exercise And Perfectionism Don't Mix
• Silly Stress
• Good Addictions?
• Email: Channeling Josephine

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Inshallah

It's the shortest day of the year today. In England, the sun rose this morning at 8:04 a.m. and set at 3:53 p.m. It's been really cold here and the recent tiny snowfall has crippled the country, including the airports. All my American ex-pat friends (me included) are worried about not getting home for Christmas.

I'm not the biggest fan of travelling or packing myself up for a few weeks away. And with Christmas and wedding planning plus tying up loose ends at work, there's so much to do before heading off. I thought I was stressed before I found out there was a chance that I couldn't get home, and then the snow arrived.

This all has made me think about control. As a self-confessed control freak (I actually corrected Future Hub last night on his cheese grating technique), what bothers me so much about the possibility of not getting home Christmas Eve is more about the sinking feeling you get in your stomach when you realize that you truly have very little control over many things that happen to you in life.

When you hear a practicing Muslim talk about most things in life, they typically add a phrase to most statements of intent – Inshallah – which is an Arabic translation of the phrase 'God willing'. As in, I'll be going home for the holidays, Inshallah (abbreviated IA when written).

I love this. Whether or not you are religious or whether you believe in a God, or Gods, or just some sort of universal force, to add a sentiment to your statements of intent that leaves room for the fact that you are not always in control is a wonderful humble reminder.

Because it's so easy to forget.

I haven't been meditating much recently. Last year I was doing small short bursts a few times a week and trying to get into a routine. But this year, I've got lost in being busy. And when you're busy and getting a lot of things done, that illusion of control often sneaks in.

I think the reason why meditation (and yoga for that matter) is called 'practice' is because when you practice letting go and just sitting there, accepting things as they are and not how you want them to be, it makes it slightly easier when you are faced with the less-fun things in life. Like cancelled flights due to a dusting of snow or having to wait for ages for the bus and then sitting in a seat that smells slightly of vomit.

And worse things, of course.

For me, part of trying to maintain the illusion of control is not wanting to accept things as they are. Sometimes I don't want to meditate and practice. I just want everything to be perfect and easy. I know life's not fair but I want to pretend, no matter how miserable it makes me.

And I guess that's the thing. When you fight the lack of control tooth and nail, life can be a real misery. It's just hard work. You miss the joy because you're too busy feeling frustrated and upset.

So this Christmas maybe I'll try to just accept whatever comes my way, Inshallah. That would be a very nice gift indeed.

 Related Posts:

• Greener Grass
• Good For The Soul
• Turbulence
• Uncertainty

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