Making Morning Space

As you may or may not have noticed, I took last week off from blogging. Wasn't intentional, but last weekend we were in New York partying it up pre-wedding. And then, back to work, dealing with jet lag and a pile of work to tackle after being on vacation for (gasp!) two weeks straight. Blogging just wasn't in the cards.

Plus we're gearing up for the stretch of time right before the wedding when things really need to get sorted out, so I'm kind of busy panicking.

However, I have made some progress on the morning front! I thought I'd share, because you all know how much I have struggled with this. It's probably too early to even talk about because I've had a lot of false starts before, but as is always the case, I am hoping that this time is different.

Here's my new approach. In the past, I was trying to get up earlier to get something done. Most recently writing. However, I think this may have been where I was going wrong. This past week (and mind you, I was jetlagged) I started getting up earlier but avoided doing anything more than I typically do before work – you know the drill: shower, dressing, eating, getting to work. This week I just gave myself more space and time. Time to actually put on makeup, time to make a nice breakfast, and an actual feasible time for commuting.

The results were astounding. Not faced with a new task to get done but just more time to enjoy getting ready in the morning and subsequently not feeling rushed and panicky has done wonders for my mood in the morning. I'm getting into work before 9 a.m. – instead of wondering how late I'm actually going to be that day.

And because I don't feel rushed or stressed I am not so devastated when I don't get a seat on the train or the tube. I'm even feeling like I'm more productive at work because I don't start the day feeling behind.

One of my issues – I believe – is that my stress over needing to be more productive is actually detrimental. Because I'm always trying to 'do' so much, I don't have time to just 'be' and that, counterintuitive as it may be, actually impedes creativity and productivity.

Perhaps – and one can always hope – that this time I have it cracked. I spend so much time trying to be something else, someone better, someone more interesting and more productive. Maybe for me the morning isn't a time to get more done, but a time for me to just let things go and make more space for being.

Again, as usual, I'm worried this is the millionth false start. But I'll keep you posted.

Related Posts:

• The Magical Life Of The Morning Person
• I'll Never Be A Morning Person, But...
• Jekyll And Hyde

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Upstaged By The Royals

As I've said before, planning a wedding is an interesting process. Luckily I'm actually a good project manager, so as I've actually got going on the tasks, it seems more controllable and less stressful than I thought it would be. And I do love a bit of Excel. Give me some spreadsheets to play with and I'm very happy (and wedding planning spreadsheets don't involve too many calculations, or scary things like macros).

I'm still waiting for tantrums from family members or big fights, but so far, so good (I know, I'm jinxing it!). Even Future Hub and I haven't had too many words over it recently – although he tried not to let me register for a gravy boat last Saturday at Debenhams, which could have got very ugly (he conceded).

Perhaps getting married at a later age (ripe old 34) has made the whole thing a bit easier. I think I'm better at getting things done and more level-headed about the importance of decisions like the colors or the kind of cake we want. Despite the fact that the head of food at the catering company gave us the hairy eyeball when we chose poultry for both our courses (duck and chicken), I have been able to get on with my life.

The thing I'm enjoying most about the wedding planning process is the fact that I am talking (or emailing) with my friends and family back home in the States a lot more than usual. Even if it's just negotiations over hotel rooms or my Mom asking how it will be possible for guests to buy us presents that will be delivered in England (newsflash – they do have department stores in the UK that will accept US credit cards), I'm getting a lot more time with everyone.

Case in point was the email I received from my aunt in Wisconsin this morning asking if we could possible postpone our wedding to coincide with Kate and Will's Royal one? She has been a long-time follower of the Royals, reading about them in the papers while eating her breakfast cereal for years. It was the big joke when she first met Future Hub. We took her to Windsor Castle which included a little stroll through Eton where the princes went to school. She proceeded to exclaim, "I always though it was so mean that the princes were sent off to boarding school – but turns out they were right down the road from their Grandmother's house!"

I'm sure there will be many more stressful moments. I'm still sweating over the guest list, worried about who will be upset if I can't invite them and if we're actually going to be able to fit everyone into the venue. I'm certainly not looking forward to the seating chart. But the flip side is that because people are important to me, it's also the best part of planning the wedding. It's fun – and it allows our families, including our extended families, to take part in our lives like they haven't been able to before. Because I'm convinced more and more that this wedding isn't as much about us as much as it is about us and the people who matter to us, who will provide our support network throughout the years – which I think every marriage needs.

P.S. I can't believe Kate and Wills are upstaging us like this!

Related Posts:

• More Parties, Please
• People Pleasing

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Jekyll And Hyde

I am really struggling with the mornings, my friends. Here's the situation. I want to get up early in the morning. I want to have more time to spend reading other people's blogs and writing my own. I yearn for that feeling of being organized when I'm actually on time for work and have not been rushing around like an out-of-control freight train trying to decide what to wear and what I need to remember to bring into work for the day.

I'd like to have a leisurely cup of tea in the morning. Or actually wear make-up to work.

At bed time I'm an in-control Dr. Jekyll, calmly planning to rise at 6.30 a.m. (I know, it's not even that early!). In the morning, I'm a monstrous Mr. Hyde, plotting how I can stay in bed just one more second, and thinking that actually I can get ready for work in 15 minutes! And who needs clean hair? Or breakfast?

How can I deal with these two competing sides of my personality? How can I motivate myself to do what I really want to do without letting myself get in the way?

I thought I had it cracked for a while (see I'll Never Be a Morning Person, But). Doing something I liked in the morning (like writing) was helping a lot. But then the going got tough. All I needed to keep my bum in bed was a super busy week at work or something I was upset about.

I know many of you have given me suggestions before, but please, reiterate or give me more. I'm not a big fan of fighting natural tendencies, but I know that if I had better mornings I'd probably have better days.

Perhaps I should try the whole 'publicly pledging to do something', so I'm held accountable. Who knows if this will work with Mr. Hyde at play, but it's worth a shot.

6.30 a.m. on weekdays or bust. Any other ideas, please do send them over.

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Four Meals A Day – And Why Not?

When I first started experimenting with intuitive eating, the process was totally confusing and really difficult. And it still can be some days. Eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full can be foreign concepts when you're constantly surrounded by messages from the media and other 'helpful' people about serving sizes, the importance of a good breakfast and don't forget about healthy snacks, especially nuts! For some reason nuts are a big thing in women's magazines. (If you're not familiar with intuitive eating, there's a more thorough discussion of the concepts in my post on Food Is The New Religion.)

For over a year I've been using intuitive eating to get in touch with what my body needs and when and it's finally starting to make more sense to me. One of the things I've discovered is that three meals a day just doesn't work in my life. I tend to be hungry for lunch quite early and then we also tend to eat dinner very late (8 or 9 p.m.) by the time necessary work is done and trips to the gym (or just the sauna) are over and dinner actually gets made. It's just the way it is for us (I've tried to eat dinner on my own first, but there are some other obstacles with that as well).

Now I know what everyone is thinking – what about snacks? Snacking works well for many people. But snacks annoy me, they take me away from whatever it is I am doing (this is revelatory in fact, food used to be much more central to my thoughts throughout the day). Snacks never seem to be enough. I'm always having one, and then another, and then maybe another? The hunger and constant searching for – or packing – snacks can be very distracting. Because a big part of that long stretch from 1 p.m. until 9 p.m. occurs at work, well, it just doesn't work for me.

So, I recently had the brilliant idea, being so mindful of what was going on, of eating a small meal at about 4 or 5 p.m. It's perfect because if I do go to the gym after work or even walk home from the further train station, I am not ravishingly hungry.

I also don't act like a raving lunatic. Future Hub no longer has to be baffled at why I am so angry that he has stayed an extra 30 seconds at work. I am no longer stuffing my 'imported' Triscuits into my mouth with wild abandon in our kitchen like Cookie Monster after the clock strikes six. (Triscuits are the one thing they don't sell in England that I miss greatly. If you are coming to London, please be kind and bring me a box.)

And I don't need a massive dinner anymore. It's more of a well, supper, true to its old-fashioned name. I really don't think that just because I eat four meals a day that I'll eat anymore than with three. If anything, I won't feel as desperately hungry and overeat.

The thing about intuitive eating is that it has taken me a while to find what works for me. That's the rub when you are trying to be your own expert – there's no quick fix. No one can just tell you what to do, what to eat and when to eat it, despite the shiny promises that diets make.

Now I just have to sort out breakfast.

I used to always eat breakfast at work, but I've been getting up earlier and it's messed up my morning schedule. Who know, my next post on this may be: Five Meals A Day – And Why Not? I'll keep you posted.    

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The Magical Life Of The Morning Person

It's a little sad, but if I could change one thing about myself it would be to magically turn into a morning person. There was an article in the Evening Standard this week called, "Why Morning People Rule the World" and that pretty much says it all.

Also, my Dad thinks non-morning people are lazy. This article agreed. "Morning-ness is perceived as a sign of activity and zest, whereas evening-ness implies laziness and loafing," it explained.

But the article also stated that scientists have been able to prove that we don't have much choice over when we are awake – our genes dictate our natural propensity for being more alert at certain times of the day. Apparently we evolved this way so that there would always be someone awake to scope out danger, like rival tribes attacking or hungry stray coyotes. Unfortunately, these days, if you want to have a job, most are 9 to 5-ish – take it or leave it.

Thus, mornings are a dark time for me. I'm not really prone to depression (I'm more the anxious, paranoid, high-strung type), but I get a taste of what it might be like as I peel my body from the sheets and drag my corpse-like body into the shower. "I just can't go on like this," I think as I'm washing my hair. I've tried everything to make this process less painful and I just can't seem to, no matter what time I go to bed or how many pancake breakfasts I promise myself I'll make.

So what's a sluggish girl to do? First, there's coffee. I try to keep it to one in the morning and then tea or maybe soda for the post-lunch dip. My grandmother will be 94 this year and she drinks a reasonable amount of coffee. She's totally fine – and much sprightlier than me, I should add. She still does aerobics.

Second, I've learned to work with what I've got. I resisted this for a very long time. There were experiments with getting up early to write in the morning before work or trying to establish a morning meditation routine. As if. Morning meditation is just a good excuse for going back to sleep. Now I dismiss these silly ideas straight away. When I started thinking about when to write this blog, I conceded it would have to be after work or maybe during my lunch break.

Third, I am trying to get up at the same time (that ungodly hour of 7 a.m.) every day to at least have a routine, instead of convincing myself I can go back to sleep for just another five minutes about 20 times. And then I am extremely kind to myself about when I get to things in the morning. I don't do too much brain-powered work first thing as I ease into my day. I also don't eat right away – I'm just not hungry – no matter what those experts say about breakfast first thing. And I've started walking to the further train station so I have 25 minutes of sustained heart pumping blood around my body. I certainly don't walk fast – it's more like painful plodding – but by the time I get on the train I have started to feel less like a zombie.

I am still hoping that I will someday stumble on an article with a really good suggestion for how to change myself into a morning person without the aid of a fairy godmother (believe me, I have looked). There are still many mornings when I am able to convince myself that I can probably sleep until 8 a.m. and make it into work by 9 a.m., even though it takes me about an hour to get there. On those mornings, even if it is sub zero outside, my hair is dripping wet and probably I am not wearing matching socks.

I wonder if there are similar challenges for morning people. Personally I can't imagine them, but if you're a morning person, please do comment, I'd be quite interested to hear how your life is less magical than I think.

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