Easier Than You Think?

It's intimidating to try to write a post-wedding blog post. After being away from blogging for three weeks and embarking on a life-changing experience, I've been wondering how I could possibly pen a good-enough comeback post.

In fact, everything feels that way right now. There are actually still wedding-related tasks to complete, I have a very full personal email inbox, work projects have been sitting there waiting for my return and after eight months of wedding planning there are certainly a lot of tasks that I put aside in the 'after the wedding', category which are now waiting patiently for me.

I haven't really known where to start. So I figured that eventually I'd get around to writing (hopefully) something good and meaningful about the wedding. But until then, I suppose the first step is to just write something.

This little thought process made me think about procrastination in general. What keeps us from doing the things we either need or want to do? It boils down to fear for me – fear mostly that either I can't handle what I'm going to embark on or that it will be terrible in some way.

It's nearly comical that no matter how much I am dreading a task, it is usually easier than I think. For example, our fridge-freezer broke the week before the wedding. I've been dreading trying to get it fixed. But finding the receipt took me about 30 seconds and calling the retailer to arrange for someone to come and fix it took only a few minutes (and was painless). Not even close to the time I've spent feeling annoyed it broke, anticipating that I wouldn't be able to find the receipt or that the shop would refuse to fix it and then staring at it on my to-do list, dreading it.

But it was easier than I thought. The repair man will come tomorrow and I'll work from home.

I suppose, however, I'm still not convinced that everything will be easier than I think, as I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed. I was in an adrenaline-fuelled mode before the wedding, a to-do list robot, if you will. And now the adrenaline is gone and I'm not sure where to start. I know a lot of people have told me I'd be depressed after the wedding – that there would be a big hole to fill. But that's not what it feels like to me; it's more like I need to figure out how to shift gears and where to direct my energy. Also, I'm exhausted (perhaps the adrenaline come-down?). So I'm not sure how much energy I actually have to direct.

Like most things, I'm sure once a little time passes and I get started on things it will end up being easier than I think. But for now I'm just muddling along (and at least have finally written a blog post!).

P.S. The wedding was brilliant. Definitely worth all the hard work. More to come on that.
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Opportunity Cost

There is a big opportunity cost to planning a wedding. I suppose there is a big opportunity cost to anything in life though, really. If you're not familiar with the economic term, opportunity cost is the cost of passing up the next best choice whenever you make a decision. For example, by going to university/college you sacrifice three or four years of income you could have been making. That money – or whatever your next best choice is (travelling the world, perhaps?) – is the opportunity cost of going to university.

So I suppose when I tally up what this wedding actually costs us and our families I should also think about the pay check I could have made by having a part-time job. (It’s definitely THAT time consuming.)

The other 'cost' of planning a wedding is the toll it takes on your energy for other things. It’s quite ironic that I am spending a small fortune to have my hair and makeup professionally done on the day. Because for the past few months I have been incapable of wearing any makeup to work and because I am wearing my hair 'up' have not been able to have it cut and styled – so it has grown out way too much. Alas, most days I just wrap it in a bun at work like an old school teacher. And today I’m not sure that my clothes actually match.

I think it's fair to say that I was a bit of a mess this week in general. I left the deli one day without my lunch. The woman had to run after me. When I told her I was getting married in less than two weeks she understood! She also nearly hugged me with joy, which was actually really nice (since I was having a bit of a wobble that morning over a family issue).

It's funny, the less I sleep and the more of a sort of general mess I am, the less I feel worried and anxious. People keep telling me to relax or try to give me tips on how best to sleep. It's all nice and I appreciate the thought, but strangely, I'm actually ok with feeling a little strung out. Because I know it will pass. I really wouldn't expect anything different at this point in time with what's about to happen. I think if it were things as usual and I wasn't sleeping well I'd be far more worried.

This is actually a big step for me. I'm no stranger to being stressed but I'm also no stranger to being stressed about being stressed. Which is taking things a bit too far. But these days I'm busy and have a lot on my mind, and I'm ok with that. I'm just checking things off the list and trying to be kind and nice to myself. Being alone sometimes helps me – so I worked from home one day this week just to feel the peace of being by myself and not being distracted. It was really helpful -- not just for my sanity but also getting things done (need to remember that for the future).

As we gear up for the wedding 'week', when everyone starts arriving and all the finishing touches need to get done, I'm not going to be able to keep blogging (at my pre-wedding turtle-like pace). I think it will be a good three weeks where I won't be here much – although if I am so inspired and can manage to sneak away in a closet somewhere with my laptop I may do a cheeky post…

But in case I don't, thanks for listening, dear readers, to my musings and tales about the wedding and everything else in the past few months. I'll be back with a lot more time on my hands and lots to say (I'm sure) towards the end of March.

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Friday Find: Go Easy On Yourself

I was really excited when two of my friends (and readers) sent me a link to this article from the New York Times health blog:

Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research Urges

First I was excited to read the article (Dr. Kristin Neff's book sounds really interesting), but I was even more pleased that two readers said it made them think of my blog! Which may just mean I'm getting across my intended message... 
 
So read it, and then go easy on yourself this weekend.
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Plans Versus Planning

"I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

When I posted last month about planning and control I got an interesting comment from a loyal reader about how she too was plagued with whether or not planning was a good thing and how did it fit into her creative process?

She said:

When it's good it makes me feel like I'm in control and I know what's happening, a good thing. But often I make elaborate plans (lists broken into lists, notebooks which reference other notebooks, etc.) which I follow for a day or two and then let drift. It's as if The Plan itself is the activity, which is okay, except that it's important for me to produce objects creatively (my job), and the plans end up taking away a lot of the pleasure I used to experience when my life was less structured. I'm now trying to NOT PLAN my creative life AT ALL.

To read my original post and her whole comment, click here.

This got me thinking more about planning. And so I dug out a quote I remembered from (I believe) a corporate finance course I took at university (college). It's the Dwight D. Eisenhower quote above. At the time of course I didn't quite get it as I was much more interested in my first real boyfriend and the next keg party, and not in planning much else.

Planning is indispensible, for me, at least. Planning is what gets me thinking about things. Maybe I know what I want, but how will I get there? Like my friend, I like the process of thinking things over, coming up with ideas for how I might get to the places I want to be, learn things I want to learn and essentially just do something. If I want to actually work on my New Year's resolution (music), then I need to schedule time in to go see more live music. If I want to see my friends, then I have to organize events with them.

But plans, plans are useless. And this is the part I have some trouble with. In order to make planning alright, you have to let go. You have to see plans for what they are – a plan, and not 'how things actually went'. Plans don't take into account changes in life or the things you learn along the way. Planning is done before you know how things will actually work or how long they will take. Or that you actually wanted to head in a different direction.

I think this is a very important thing for me to keep in mind as I head into the wedding week. Things are not going to go as planned. And already I've experienced this. I was planning to buy one of those custom-made gorgeous big picture-frame seating charts with decorative ribbons etc. I know someone who had one and she totally sold me on it. And then the events woman at our venue said she would do two seating charts for me – one downstairs where the drinks reception would be and one upstairs by the tables. And I thought, what am I, crazy? – someone is offering to do something for me and ribbons or none, I'm not going to pass this up. (She did promise me it would look pretty, but even if it doesn't, at least it was one less thing I needed to do, or pay for!)

A work person told me that one thing to remember is that on the day we won't stick to the schedule and not to go nuts about it. He said, in a quick lift ride up (it's always in the lift that [elevator] I get the best wedding advice), that this woman ruined her own day because she couldn't let go of the fact that they weren't 'on schedule'.

I will have to remember that one. I'm terrible about time. I hate being late – it makes me really anxious.

Planning is great but I guess the moral of the story is that it's ok to have plans so long as you can let go of them. It will be very interesting to see how well I do with this! (I'll revert back post-wedding)

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