T.V. Yoga

You haven't heard of T.V. Yoga?

That's probably because I've just created it. Yes, I'm now the kind of person who creates new types of yoga.

This statement could be misleading, however, as it's not an actual yoga series -- but it's something I'm doing that's working for me at the moment, so thought I would share.

I am clearly not a yoga teacher, professional or anything of the sort. But I am a student of yoga, and here is the potted history of my yoga experience:

• I practiced Bikram yoga (the really hot kind, and the controversial kind) for over 10 years before I gave it up, mainly due the heat and all the sweating, which I don't think was good for some specific health issues I have. But I did really love it and wish there was a studio in London that taught it without the heat. I also wish I was able to exercise regularly at home (I'm not), because I have the CDs and have occasionally done the series without the heat. 
• I've been to numerous yoga classes at various gyms. And some at studios. I've had one personal yoga class with my friend's sister who is a yoga teacher. That same friend brought me to a yin yoga class in San Francisco. And I even did yoga on the beach last summer (which was amazing). 
• I've read a few books on yoga. I've edited a book on yoga. 
• I meditate (most) days (even if it is for very short periods of time!). This is the original yoga, by the way. 

Over the past few years, I have struggled to find a new yoga routine that fits into my life. The yoga studio near our house doesn't have any times that work in my schedule. My gym has so few classes that none of them work for me either. And there's even a free class at my office -- a free class! -- once a week, and although I have been a few times and really liked it, it's just scheduled at a really bad time work-wise for me.

And until I can find my own personal yoga teacher who will come to my house and teach me (this is a dream of mine) and also convince the Hub that this is a good use of our "funds", I am making due with what I like to call T.V. Yoga.

At the end of a long day, after sitting at the office, while the Hub and I watch one of the many gripping T.V. shows we have to choose from in the evening, I roll out my yoga mat and do some postures. I am not saying this is technically exercise, but it is movement, and instead of feeling like a brain in a lump watching the boob tube (as my Dad lovingly refers to it), I do start to feel like I am living in my actual physical body again. Which is after all, the point of yoga (it does technically means "union").

I'm not saying this is a substitute for a real yoga class. Or something a beginner should try (it's not like I'm a yoga expert, but I do know many postures and how to do them safely). But for now, I am making due and I think some yoga is better than no yoga.

While we're on the subject, if you're interested in learning more about yoga, I highly recommend a recent book I've read by Cinnamon Kennedy (an actual yoga teacher), called Why Yoga Works.

On a more hopeful note, there is a new yoga studio in my neighborhood that has opened up, so let's see if that could work better for me. Or maybe someone will read this and offer to come to my house to teach me? Although, chances are, they probably won't let me watch T.V. during class.

Photo credit: wuestenigel Lotus Pose (Padmasana) via photopin (license)

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A New Mindful Year

I recently received a reader question: I've been meaning to ask if there is a book or two (or podcast?) that you recommend on the topics of meditation/mindfulness? I know there are tons out there, just curious which ones you liked.

Oh boy, what a good question, I thought. All the answers are somewhere on my blog, but you'd have to go and look. So (of course) I've done the work for you. 

The first book I always recommend to people is Richard Carlson's Stop Thinking, Start Living. I am looking at my bookshelf now and I actually have two copies there as I lent it to so many people that I bought a second copy to keep for reference. Recently someone gave one back to me. (If anyone wants to borrow one let me know.)

His more popular, digestible books are the Don't Sweat The Small Stuff series. The first one I ever read was Don't Sweat The Small Stuff at Work, given to me by my aunt when I was having a terrible time at work. But I think that Stop Thinking, Start Living gives such a good base for the concept of mindfulness that it's a really good one to start with. He's very intellectual but also knows how to explain what can be at first a very foreign concept in a simple, understandable way.

I also really like Eckhardt Tolle's A New Earth. (Read my blog post about it here.) Tolle also wrote the Power of Now, but I like A New Earth slightly better. Although there's a really weird chapter near the end about pain-bodies. It's kind of out there. Just saying. 

The thing about mindfulness, however, is that although I did a lot of reading on it, I felt that putting it into practice was almost impossible until I started meditating regularly. Because our thoughts (created by the ego) are so strong that unless you "practice" seeing them for what they are, it's really hard. 

My favorite book on meditation is 10% Happier by Dan Harris. (Blog post link here.) I think I like it so much because it's also a memoir and he has a good story to tell. He recommends quite a few authors in there too, which is good. I read Mark Epstein's Going on Being: Buddhism and the Way of Change, which I thought was a refreshing look at Buddhism from the perspective of a Westerner trained as a Freudian psychoanalyst. 

In terms of podcasts, I would also highly recommend Dan Harris' podcast of the same name: 10% Happier.

Thanks Elizabeth for the question! Hope my answer is helpful. 

Never hesitate to ask me a question on facebook, twitter or at mindbodyandscroll[at]yahoo[dot]com.

Photo credit: Buddha statue in meditation pose, robe, blue, concrete, Lake City Way, Seattle, Washington, USA via photopin (license)

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Disappointed!?!?

Let's get one thing clear: I love hearing from readers. Nothing makes me happier than knowing that you are reading. I love your comments -- on the blog, on social media and in person. So even when one of my readers (who also happens to be a work colleague--let's call him E.) told me he was disappointed, I wasn't upset, just intrigued.

What was he disappointed about?

My New Year's resolution! He said he "expected more" from me. First I thought he was talking about my exercise routine -- that it wasn't enough. He happens to be running the London marathon soon and I told him that we can't all be superstars like him.

But then he clarified. He thought that the only goal I had for the year was my New Year's resolution. Wait a cotton-pickin' minute, I told him. That is certainly not the case.

I thought that I would clarify. Also, as an "Obliger" -- according to Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies (take the quiz here) -- I need external accountability for my goals and habits. So might as well write them down and what better place to list them than on my blog?

I do like having one New Year's resolution that is achievable quite quickly and that I can focus on in January & February (here's how it went). But that's not the only thing I want or plan to accomplish in 2016.

I'll just take the plunge. With the risk of posting them here and not achieving them, here are my personal goals for the year:

1. Decide what to do with the book I wrote last year. At the moment it doesn't work. Do I re-write it? Do I turn it into some essays and try to get them published? Or do I start from scratch with my non-fiction (I have a new idea) and revisit my memoir at a future time? I just don't know, so I have it on the back burner -- for now.

2. Write my first full fiction novel by the summer. I have started a new book. It's the first in a series and I can only describe it as a cross between chick lit and horror. I know they don't usually go together, but I love Reeces Peanut Butter Cups so maybe unusual combinations are my thing.

3. Write at least one more novel in the series in the second half of the year. I know this sounds stupidly ambitious, but I already have ideas for more of these books, so we'll see how this goes. I would put this on the "stretch" list.

4. Get my U.K. driving license. Done, done, and done.

5. Become more active on social media. But only if it means posting things that are actually helpful to other people and avoiding narcissism (also, discover if this is possible).

6. Finish decorating my study. This is where the writing happens. It's been almost-done for about a year. It still doesn't have a curtain. This is ridiculous. (Americans: "decorating" is English English for "re-decorating")

7. Expand our kitchen. The Hub and I have been on the fence about this one for over a year. And since our kitchen ceiling looks like it is close to collapse, I think the universe is telling us something.

8. Add pictures to all my old blog posts without them. Is this a waste of time? Maybe, but it bothers me when you search the archive and it says "no image available". Please weigh in on this one.

9. Make at least one photo album from my digital photos. I do this sometimes, but not enough. Nothing replaces having a physical album.

10. Figure out a way to be writing -- and meditating -- every single day. I think this will be the crux of actually getting items 1-3 done.

I mean seriously, could E. have really believed that I only had one goal for the year?

Photo credit: Illustration Friday: Path. via photopin All rights reserved by the author

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Balanced Being Post

Hang in there lovely readers. Spring should be just around the corner. I can feel it.

In the meantime, I have written a post for Balanced Being -- a lifestyle and health blog -- on meditation.

The post is called What I Learned About Meditation from a Spanish Monk. If you check it out, make sure to have a look around the rest of the site -- there's a lot of interesting content there.

Photo credit: Buddha statue in meditation pose, robe, blue, concrete, Lake City Way, Seattle, Washington, USA via photopin (license)

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Meditation For Dummies

I've been flirting with the idea of meditation for a long time. A few years ago I even bought the book Meditation for Dummies. It's wasn't half bad -- I just wanted some sort of introduction that would explain what it was and how to do it.

If you have no idea what meditation really is, you're not alone. The way I like to think about it is a practice in quieting down the monster in your head. The voice that rails at you all day long, worrying about things, telling you off, creating drama, and just generally keeping you from a nice, enjoyable existence.

For many years I've read lots of books about quieting down this voice -- from self-help authors such as Richard Carlson and Eckhardt Tolle, to books written by Buddhist monks and scholars. And it has always made sense to me intellectually. But part of me always knew that until I actually got into the habit of sitting my butt on a cushion (or a chair) and practicing it on a regular basis, I would never really know if there were benefits.

This year, I've done just that. Since March, I've been meditating for 10 minutes a day. And I have to say, it's really making a difference. Lots of research is being done at the moment on meditation -- and so far it shows that it can help everything from sleeping patterns to depression and anxiety. What really has won me is how the research shows that there is true plasticity to our brains -- we can change our thought patterns. Or, I suppose, learn to see them for what they are.

But in addition to research, what has helped convince me is hearing other people's stories about how it has helped them. Experience -- even if it is just one person's -- can be compelling.

So if you've ever wanted to know more about meditation, but think it's not for people like you, I have the perfect book for you to read. Skip Meditation for Dummies and read a book written by American television journalist Dan Harris, called 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in my Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge and Found Self-Help That Actually Works -- A True Story. 

In addition to providing great insight into meditation, its history and how it can help, it's also a fascinating memoir. Harris admits that he long associated meditation with "bearded swamis and unwashed hippies," so if you're skeptical, this book just might be for you.

Note: I was also amused that I had no idea who Dan Harris was, because his television career took off after I left the U.S. So I actually had to google him to see what he looked like, even though he's an anchor on Nightline!

Photo credit: Buddha statue in meditation pose, robe, blue, concrete, Lake City Way, Seattle, Washington, USA via photopin (license)

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Book Review: The Procrastination Equation

Do you think procrastination is about perfectionism? Fear? Yeah, me too.

Though apparently not, according to The Procrastination Equation by Dr Piers Steel. The first lesson I learned reading this book was that perfectionists don't procrastinate anymore than anyone else -- it just upsets them more. And so they are more likely to try to fix it, or see therapists about it.

Steel's book lays out very clearly the reasons why we procrastinate. I found this refreshing, as once you know why you do something it is often easier to do something about it. And learning that it has nothing to do with perfectionism (or at least less than I thought - more about this later) was a relief.

There are three reasons we procrastinate. The first is expectation, the second is value and the third is time.

Expectation
People who have low expectations of the outcome of an event or task are more likely to put it off. This is where I think that Steel may be slightly wrong about perfectionism not being part of procrastination. Although those people with low self esteem or a history of failure may have low expectations, perfectionists may also suffer with debilitating fear of failure (I wrote a bit about this in Life Is Messy). Regardless, whatever your reason for poor expectations, it can contribute to procrastination.

Value

Tasks that we don't value, or we perceive as boring, are also targets of procrastination. No one really wants to file their tax return or do the dishes (well mostly no one). So if you dislike your job (or any task) or find it boring, you will be more prone to procrastinate.

Time

Start saving for retirement or go on a cool sailing holiday? We are conflicted. According to Steel, this is an evolutionary problem. Our prefrontal cortex, which controls our thoughts and ability to do long-term planning is constantly battling against our limbic system, which is what makes us want to eat that snack right now (especially if we've just seen food), watch yet another episode of the Wire (even though it's midnight) and check our email over 50 times per day (sometimes not an exaggeration). Our ancient ancestors didn't need to plan ahead in the same way that we do, so the limbic system is slightly more troublesome for us when it comes to tasks that require a head start. It's what kicks in when you realize that the report for work is actually due tomorrow. But it certainly doesn't help you start it four weeks in advance – the time you really might need. Instead it keeps you checking your email or making yourself yet another cup of delicious hot tea.

After laying out the reasons why we procrastinate, Steel goes on to give helpful tips on how to avoid the three different pitfalls. Some of them are quite clever, others are common sense. But they all basically admit that our willpower is never strong enough to override the pesky limbic system, our low expectations or boredom. Instead, we need to devise methods of tricking or motivating ourselves. It made me think that we're all really well-developed children, deep down. I don't play video games because I know I would get addicted, and Steel pretty much confirms this. We are impulsive creatures.

At one point he even invokes the language of a 12-step program addict – admitting that we are powerless against procrastination can help. I'm not sure if I liked this association or if it was flippant, but procrastination can be a real problem for some people if it is incredibly chronic. Not filing your taxes can land you in jail and not addressing your present or future finances can have really serious consequences.

Accepting that procrastination is natural is a good place to start. You're going to want to do it, so devise some tools that work to help prevent it. And second, if you want to motivate yourself to get things done earlier, you have to think about the positive aspects of this.

I tried it last week with something that I hate doing at work – following up with people I've met. I speak at conferences and also go to meetings. And so I often collect cards and also promise to send people things. But there's nothing I like about entering their details into my database or following up with an email. So I thought about why I was doing it – and imagined meeting them again at another conference and how I would feel about actually following up with them. I thought about how they would treat me differently and also how they would be more willing to help me if I needed it. It actually worked. All of a sudden I had changed my relationship with the task. This was a clear example of procrastinating due to placing a poor value on something.

As with any self-help book, there were parts of this read that I could leave behind*, but also lots of good ideas contained within. Like anything, of course, you do have to adapt them to your own life and what works for you (Be Your Own Expert is my tag line).

I also think Steel could have taken his study of the limbic system versus the prefrontal cortex further. I wonder if meditation exercises or more specifically people's ability to focus and drown out impulsive distraction would be linked with better success at battling procrastination. My guess is it would. (There may even be research out there on this, but I have procrastinated on looking it up and now it is too late.)

*Steel isn't an expert on the science behind eating and weight and in the book constantly refers to dieting as yet another thing people procrastinate about. Of course, this book is not primarily about dealing with food or body image issues, but the number of ill-informed statements he made regarding this did irritate me.

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Speaking of procrastination, if you read this blog (or any blog) but often forget to visit the site, try signing up for an email subscription. I was talking to a friend who sometimes reads my blog but said she doesn't really have much time to go online. She didn't realize she could get it delivered into her email inbox. Just pop your email address in the box on the right hand side of the blog. Easy as pie.

Related Posts:

• Book Review: Women, Work and the Art of Savoir Faire
• Book Review: Poser -- My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses

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Trial And Error

 If you've been reading my blog from the beginning or at least over the past few months, you would be familiar with my morning struggles. To summarize, I'd like to be a morning person. They seem more productive and happy or something. But I'm not.

So over the past year I've been attempting to either try to become one or at least get up a little earlier in order to give myself some extra time to do the things I like to do, or at least not arrive at the office late and in shambles and feeling guilty (which happens a lot).

Growth and change are never linear. When I set out to 'fix' my posture/RSI problems, things would improve, and then they wouldn't for a long time. Sometimes I would feel like I was moving backwards.

Changing anything usually involves a lot of mistakes. And so has been my challenge with mornings. I've tried to bribe myself to get up earlier (pizza for breakfast anyone?), commit publicly to getting up earlier, spend the early mornings at home hanging out doing stuff, spend the early mornings at work doing stuff. I've made lovely breakfasts, bribed myself with cream cheese, eggs, bacon, etc. (the food list goes on and on), tried meditating early in the morning, writing in the morning, doing absolutely nothing in the morning except giving myself more time to get ready and last but not least, putting my blackberry in the living room in the hope that I would at least get out of bed to check my email.

Well, I've learned a few things.

First, I'm not sure if this is ever going to change, but the absolute earliest I can get up, without thoughts of ending my life (I'm only partly joking) is 6.30 a.m. For some reason, that half hour between 6 and 6.30 is a real necessity for me. And don't give me the whole have-you-tried-going-to-bed-earlier? speech. I've tried for a year. A year. I give up on 6 a.m. Also, even if I can get up at 6.30 a.m. most days of the week, there's always going to be one or two where I need to sleep until 7 a.m. I haven't been able to prevent this.

Second, my body is not ready for breakfast right away. It takes me at least until 8 a.m. if not 9 a.m. to be ready to eat. It's just the way my body is and I'm going to accept it.

And third, being creative isn't happening in the morning. I can get up successfully at 6.30 a.m., get into work a little early and answer emails or do admin, but I'm not ready for writing or anything of the sort.

But there's also some good news: I've realized that the morning walk I started doing a year ago in the summer when we moved into our new flat was really the happiest morning activity I've ever engaged in. So I've re-instituted it. I don't know what it is, maybe it wakes me up, or cheers me up. But whatever the reason, it works. I just go to the train station that is a 25-minute walk from our house (instead of the one 10 minutes away). I sometimes even do it on the way home as well. Hey, when you sit at a desk all day, some light walking isn't going to hurt. It also gives me time to think and be alone, which I love. We'll see if I'm so enthusiastic in the winter months.

I don't know if this is the end of the morning story, but I think I've settled on a happy medium. Maybe I'm not a morning person, or will never be one, but through trial and error I've at least discovered a few things about myself that help me to navigate the mornings OK and at the very least I'm late for work less often.

P.S. The most ironic thing about this is that if you read my first post on this subject, The Magical Life Of The Morning Person, I already knew a lot of what I discovered this past year, which means maybe I need to trust myself more. Although I seem to have at least programmed myself to get up some days half an hour earlier than before, so that's some progress!

Related Posts:

• I'll Never Be A Morning Person, But...
• Jekyll And Hyde
• Making Morning Space

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Ten Bags Of Clothes

On Sunday my brain forgot that Monday, as a bank holiday (Queen's Birthday) was not actually Sunday. So there was no Bikram Yoga class at 3 p.m.. Not to worry, the extra hour and a half was a very good reason to do what I had been putting off – finishing up the "Great Clothing Clean Out."

On the bus back from the yoga studio (yes, I actually went all the way there) I pondered why I had been putting off the final stages. If you haven't read my original post, I'm finally getting rid of all the clothes I don't wear anymore, including (gasp!) the clothes that don't fit and the ones I've been holding onto for sentimental purposes.

I did give myself a small margin of error – two tiny cloth storage boxes. In which I deposited a few special dresses, including a bridesmaid dress, the old wool sweater I stole from my Dad when I was in high school, a pair of sweat pants I stole from my Mom in high school (when she reads this she will think I'm ridiculous) and a wool skirt my Grandmother made for my Mom that never quite fit her right, which ended up in my possession. I shortened it to make it a bit sexier – as sexy as blue tartan plaid can be – but it no longer fits.

I also saved a tee-shirt from the publication where the Hub and I worked when we first met. He actually made me keep that one – but don't tell him I told you that.

I had already made the purge from my closets and drawers, but I was procrastinating going through it all again, deciding what to throw away and what to give away, because I knew it would be hard. I am a sentimental person, and also, part of me is kind of sad that I don't fit into the clothes I wore in my 20s. I've been holding onto the hope that I'd get back into them. But regardless of what happens to my body, holding onto a lot (yes, 10 bags worth) of clothes that mostly don't fit isn't helping me in any way. Holding onto things you don't use is living in the past or the future. And that means living in fear. Leo Baubata at Zen Habits wrote a really good post on this recently – about using decluttering as Zen meditation.

But it was still hard. I felt the anxiety rise as I put the clothes in bags to go, but as with all anxiety, if you just hold tight and let it happen – instead of avoiding whatever it is that's causing it – the fear eventually dissipates. And I thought about the people who would stumble upon my cast-off clothes in the charity shop and actually wear them. Even after my smaller cousin went through a lot of them while she was here for the wedding, there were still nice things in the pile that someone else could be using.

I also discovered something else about my procrastination in the process. Whenever I am avoiding something, it's usually because I think it's going to be hard. And I basically run a little film in my head imagining how long it's going to take me and how difficult it will be. So in my pondering on the bus before I got home I decided I was going to change the reel. I started visualizing how I was going to tackle the clear out easily and quickly. I conceded that I might have a few moments of anxiety but I would deal with it OK and I'd finish the project easily before something we had planned at 6 p.m. And guess what… I did! It actually worked. So I plan to now test out my weird 'visualization' technique with other things I'm dreading. If it got me from a messy attic strewn with piles of clothes to 10 bags ready to go to the charity shop, it might just be an effective technique.

Related posts:

• The Art Of De-cluttering
• What I Wear (Right Now)

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Pasta (And White Bread) Mi Amore

Intuitive eating is a lot like meditation.

When I began experimenting with intuitive eating about two years ago, it all seemed so simple. Eat what you like, when you're hungry, and stop when you're full. And pay attention to what you're eating – eat mindfully.

It's a little like meditation in the sense that it sounds simple, but then, it opens you up to a whole other world (and at the same time, a proverbial can of worms).

Meditation, at least as far as I can figure out, is about attention. You sit there all by yourself, counting your breaths, observing your thoughts. And when you mind starts to wander, you bring it back. Through this process you learn about yourself – the real you – stripped away from the usual noise that surrounds your life.

When I started intuitive eating, the first thing I really allowed myself to eat, at the frequency I desired, was pizza. Pizza had been my nemesis, that food that I was sure was causing me to store some extra poundage. It was like Stephen King says about being an alcoholic – I couldn't understand how anyone could leave pizza lying around (he says this about alcohol, however, left carelessly behind in a glass). My desire to eat the whole pizza was overwhelming. But I tried so hard to control my pizza intake. So when the limits were off, I ate pizza like a champ.

These days, I still love pizza, and I do eat it when I want, but I think I've had my fill. It no longer has the same power over me. As intuitive eating experts say, releasing restrictions on the frequency I could consume pizza – effectively legalizing it – really did the trick. But make no mistake, this was not a quick fix. It took probably a whole year to come to terms with my pizza 'addiction'.

These days I've moved onto pasta. And white bread. These are two of the things that in the dieting world (and in celebrity magazines) seem to be off limits. If you want to be thin, you must replace them with chicken and veg and whole-grain pita bread, or whole-grain whatever. It's not that I don't like whole-grain bread, but I'm so fed up with thinking that I have to eat it to be healthy, that I'm resisting it for the time being. So these days, when I pack a sandwich for lunch, I use white rolls.

I'm not sure how long this will go on, but I'm not worried. I know at some point that I'll have had my fill. Or maybe not. Maybe I like to eat my sandwiches on white rolls and I'm pretty sure it's not going to kill me.

So as I continue with the intuitive eating journey, I just pack my lunches and boil my pasta and observe. I'm mindful, but I'm no longer controlling. These days, my body is in charge and I listen. It's scary to stop controlling everything, but that's what meditation teaches – that actually you can't.

Related Posts:

• The Perfect Pizza
• Is Cheese Evil?

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Making Peace With Red Tape

I have finally finished my U.S. taxes. Well, I have finally finished gathering together the materials to do them, so that I could send them to my tax preparer. (Doing my U.S. taxes as an expat is clearly out of the question. I am still traumatized by my Dad making me do them when I was in college and I had to try to figure out how to account for share sales that were paying my tuition).

Life is full of red tape. There's always something you need to be doing admin-wise. Whether it's making a dentist appointment, figuring out how the heck to send a postal ballot in the U.K., applying for a mortgage or doing your taxes, it will probably never cease. There are thank-you notes to send, birthday cards to write and garbage to take out. Living in a society with other peoples comes with all sorts of rules and responsibilities this way. Even dying requires a certain amount of admin.

I've started making a sort of truce with red tape. Not sure if I'm at peace with it yet, but the light bulb has finally gone on and I've realized that putting things off doesn't make them go away and instead creates more pain. Playing catch-up is always a grind. So why do so many of us keep things on our to-do list for ages, taunting us?

I was thinking about it last night and realized that sometimes completing things frightens me. When things are all done, beds are made and the admin is under control, what's left? If I didn't have silly things to worry about, would I be faced with the really scary things – the fears that I don't particularly like sitting with?

Ironically, having all sorts of admin hanging over my head avoids a certain amount of discomfort. Clearing away all the excess clutter leaves me alone with whatever is there (whatever that is). I suppose it's a little like meditation. Just sitting there, doing nothing, alone with your thoughts. No wonder people turn the other direction when you start talking about meditation.

But the flip side – and the less scary side – is that when you do clear away all the clutter of life, you can also find the space to focus. You can touch base with the uncomfortable stuff and then make choices about what's actually important.

But practically, how do you get started on clearing all the admin away?

What has helped me is finding some time to focus on it – a scheduled time. Setting aside a specific time does two things – it makes sure you stay focused when you're doing it and also it gives your brain space to do other things when it's not the time to do admin.

For example, when I do manage to get up early (at 6 a.m.), I'm not actually ready to do creative things, but I've found that I am really good at clearing my inbox and sorting out other tasks like bills, online grocery shopping or figuring out how to get to an upcoming country wedding by train. I prefer to get serious writing done instead after work and before dinner. Also, starting the day with admin sorted makes it much easier to really concentrate on work at 9 a.m.

Another thing I do is set aside some time on Sunday nights to go through the stack of papers that has accumulated throughout the week (mail, magazines, odd scraps of paper with lists scribbled on them, etc.). I file away important bits and decide what to chuck. That means during the week I can open my mail without worrying too much about it. I can just put it in the pile if it can wait until Sunday. I know piling things is another form of procrastination, but I'm OK with only sorting it out once a week (hey, nobody's perfect).

Also, if I have a bigger project I want to do, such as cleaning out a closet, or putting together a flat-packed piece of furniture (don't get me started on how long this actually takes – I am never ordering furniture in pieces again), I schedule it in. Block out a Saturday afternoon. Just like I would do with a social engagement. If you want to de-clutter your life and your brain, you have to build in the time.

Obviously, you have to be your own expert and find what works for you. But before you just sigh and forget about it, thinking red tape is the bug bear impossible to conquer, it's worth examining what it is that keeps you from actually dealing with annoying admin. And what you could gain by getting it under control.

Related Posts:

• Silly Stress
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• What Next? Start Small

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What Next? Start Small

Ever since we got back from honeymoon I've been the queen of procrastination. There's actually quite a bit of clean-up admin left over. There's the thank-you notes and the wedding album to put together (most couples I know who got married in the past few years still haven't done it) and the honeymoon pictures to sort through. We went on safari and I kid you not, took over 700 photos, I think, of mostly giraffes. Why so many giraffes?

I know, you're weeping for me, right?

I'm not complaining about all this nice stuff I have on my to-do list. Rather, I'm thinking about motivation a lot these days in terms of how to get things done, while prioritizing the important things and also keeping myself from getting knotted up about everything on the list.

And I think (just maybe) that planning a wedding taught me some important lessons. Because actually, even though I say I'm the queen of procrastination, I've already written 20 thank you notes and we've unpacked and put away all our gifts, broken down the boxes and I've even checked the file size of the wedding photos (so my parents could send me the right size memory stick). Which is one of those fiddly things that in the past I just never would have done quickly.

So what have I learned?

You've got to prioritize. And then you've got to start small: do just do one thing. Which will eventually lead to others.

I suppose, also, that I'm making some progrees on shedding the perfectionist tendencies, because I'm learning that posting twice a week is better than not at all. And writing even one thank-you note per day will get you there faster than you thought.

Also, focusing on one task (or a small number) at a time really does work. Last week I was going a little bit crazy. My mind was racing about trying to solve/get organized/deal with everything else in my life that I haven't had much time to focus on in the past eight months.

My brain was like a runaway train, unsatisfied with the state of my wardrobe (must clean out those ratty winter clothes) and my inability to get up earlier in the mornings on a consistent basis (again). I was also mad at myself for sticking to cooking and eating my rota of 'easy dinners' that recently got me through the busy times. Why hadn't I broken out the new cookbook my brother and his girlfriend gave me for Christmas and learned some amazing new dish to serve the Hub?

Then I stopped the insanity. And thought about what were the most important things right now. Writing the thank-you notes, filing my US taxes and getting back into the rhythm of blogging. (I won't take credit for the three-most-important-project method – I read it in Leo Babauta's book: The Power of Less. But I find it works – three projects is a good number to juggle.)

Also, I've again started using a technique that my Dad once told me about. Whenever there's something that you don't want to do, just do it for 30 minutes. It really works, usually 30 minutes of just about anything is tolerable (if it's not, reduce it to 10 or 20 – I find 25 actually sometimes works better than 30 as it seems like so much less), and once I'm actually doing something I get into it, and don't mind it so much. Or, if I don't, I just take a break after the 30 minutes is up and then start again.

It's interesting, this compulsion to get everything done at once, and right away! Perhaps it's time to start meditating again. My initial thought on that: but there's no time! I wonder what I'm afraid of – maybe that I'll have to slow down and forget about my to-do list for a while. Maybe the best thing I can do for myself post-wedding is to start examining my obsession with 'getting things done'.

Well, maybe, but after I finish the thank-you notes.

How do you deal with procrastination? Or the never-ending to-do list?

Related Posts:

• Life Is Messy
• Priorities
• Keeping Score

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Calendar And Control

The other night over Thai food Future Hub looked at me and said, "We're in countdown mode, aren't we?"

Soon he will just be the Hub (gasp!).

We proceeded to spend the rest of the dinner verbally checking things off, sorting out our schedule, trying to figure out when we'd have time to complete the laundry list. We aren't discussing our lives anymore, but one event. It's a little like the weeks before we exchanged (closed) on our flat last year. Every night after work we went through the checklist of what needed to get done. In some ways living like this is unbearable – in other ways it's good, as I feel like we're in it together.

And there's the whole 'controlling the calendar element' to these days, which makes me feel calmer. As I add appointments into Google calendar I feel a sense of control – at least that there will be some sort of order to the weeks ahead. However, it struck me yesterday that this isn't much different from my regular life. Emails come in about planning things, emails go out. And then dates go in the diary. I move a yoga class from a Saturday to a Sunday. And thus my life is planned out, controlled, OK.

Some people are addicted to drugs, others food, others video games. I am addicted to planning. This addiction, like most, I assume, doesn't provide long-term happiness, but sustains me in some way as a quick fix. I get a buzz from seeing my future weeks so full and ordered.

I don't know. Part of me is alright with the planning – I am a social creature, I like to do things and go places, primarily with other people. And if you want to see anyone in London, believe me, you have to book ahead. I recently got an invitation for a 30th birthday party – in June.

But then again, what is it about empty space and the absence of a fixed plan that makes me feel so nervous?

This calendar obsession also dredges up memories of when I couldn't control my body at all due my neck and arm pain. When I was doing well and getting better I would schedule in exercise classes on my Outlook calendar, recurring appointments – a fantasy schedule, if you will. Maybe I thought if I used enough willpower and hope, I would make it to all those classes or pool swimming sessions.

But life isn't like that.

I'm contemplating trying to go back to a short daily meditation (10 minutes tops) as the weeks roll forward closer to the big day. I was planning (again, here we go) to try to go to yoga two times per week as a way to de-stress, but I'm not sure my body likes that idea.

In the spirit of my post on listening to myself, from earlier this week, I have asked my body what it thinks. Right now it's very cool with the rhythm we've got going of yoga, tap, Zumba – three distinct classes a week. It's quite happy, can handle it and isn't going to rebel. But I feel like it's whispering, "Go ahead, just try it lady, see what happens if you push me."

So I'm keeping it as a free option. I've blocked out Thursday nights in the old Google calendar in case I feel like going. For someone as controlling as me, that's a big step. Clearly.

Related Posts:

• Turbulence
• Uncertainty
• Life Is Messy
• Inshallah

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Inshallah

It's the shortest day of the year today. In England, the sun rose this morning at 8:04 a.m. and set at 3:53 p.m. It's been really cold here and the recent tiny snowfall has crippled the country, including the airports. All my American ex-pat friends (me included) are worried about not getting home for Christmas.

I'm not the biggest fan of travelling or packing myself up for a few weeks away. And with Christmas and wedding planning plus tying up loose ends at work, there's so much to do before heading off. I thought I was stressed before I found out there was a chance that I couldn't get home, and then the snow arrived.

This all has made me think about control. As a self-confessed control freak (I actually corrected Future Hub last night on his cheese grating technique), what bothers me so much about the possibility of not getting home Christmas Eve is more about the sinking feeling you get in your stomach when you realize that you truly have very little control over many things that happen to you in life.

When you hear a practicing Muslim talk about most things in life, they typically add a phrase to most statements of intent – Inshallah – which is an Arabic translation of the phrase 'God willing'. As in, I'll be going home for the holidays, Inshallah (abbreviated IA when written).

I love this. Whether or not you are religious or whether you believe in a God, or Gods, or just some sort of universal force, to add a sentiment to your statements of intent that leaves room for the fact that you are not always in control is a wonderful humble reminder.

Because it's so easy to forget.

I haven't been meditating much recently. Last year I was doing small short bursts a few times a week and trying to get into a routine. But this year, I've got lost in being busy. And when you're busy and getting a lot of things done, that illusion of control often sneaks in.

I think the reason why meditation (and yoga for that matter) is called 'practice' is because when you practice letting go and just sitting there, accepting things as they are and not how you want them to be, it makes it slightly easier when you are faced with the less-fun things in life. Like cancelled flights due to a dusting of snow or having to wait for ages for the bus and then sitting in a seat that smells slightly of vomit.

And worse things, of course.

For me, part of trying to maintain the illusion of control is not wanting to accept things as they are. Sometimes I don't want to meditate and practice. I just want everything to be perfect and easy. I know life's not fair but I want to pretend, no matter how miserable it makes me.

And I guess that's the thing. When you fight the lack of control tooth and nail, life can be a real misery. It's just hard work. You miss the joy because you're too busy feeling frustrated and upset.

So this Christmas maybe I'll try to just accept whatever comes my way, Inshallah. That would be a very nice gift indeed.

 Related Posts:

• Greener Grass
• Good For The Soul
• Turbulence
• Uncertainty

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On Breathing

I'm not very good at breathing. This may sound strange, because we obviously need to breathe to live. But I often find that I actually hold my breath – or breathe really shallowly – especially when I feel stressed, uneasy or anxious.

The other day I was walking home from the train station and feeling generally icky so I started to try to breathe more deeply. I immediately started to feel better, calmer and more grounded. And then I started to yawn, just like in yoga class after we've done the first breathing exercise. My body suddenly seemed to shake free of the tension I was holding and I felt better – and more human.

Obviously, this all sounds pretty hokey and new-agey, but there is actually something to be said for learning how to breathe well to help with everyday stress. I found a paper written by Patricia L. Gerbarg, M.D., an assistant clinical professor in psychiatry at New York Medical College, where she explains that our stress response system works within the autonomic nervous system consisting of two branches – sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system switches on when we feel threatened in a fight or flight scenario, increasing the heart rate, breathing and metabolic rate. When the threat has passed the parasympathetic system's role is to slow down these rates, repair any cellular damage and calm and replenish our energy, according to Gerbarg.

For people under stress or those with chronic anxiety (read more on research that we may be pre-disposed to anxiety, in my post Baby 19), the sympathetic system is in overdrive and the parasympathetic system is underactive. There are many medicines that can temporarily dampen the sympathetic system, however, there really isn't anything available to boost the parasympathetic system.

So that's where breathing techniques and other mind-body practices like meditation and yoga fit in. They are ways to boost the parasympathetic nervous system to keep that pesky sympathetic system in check.

I really like Leo Babuta's blog, called Zen Habits and his post on breathing pretty much says it all: click here to read about the many benefits of breathing. I particularly like the idea that you can always rely on taking a breath whenever something in your life starts to make you feel out of control, it's just so simple that one could really overlook it.

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An Un-Masterly Chef

Last Wednesday night I received a call from the Future Hub, clearly on the train home from work perusing the Evening Standard television listings. "You do realize that the first episode of Celebrity MasterChef starts in 15 minutes, don't you?"

I nearly sprung off the floor from where I was doing my back exercises (I didn't though – I'm not supposed to spring while my back is still injured). I couldn't get to the DVR fast enough to make sure I didn't miss a nanosecond of what is currently one of my favorite programs. Celebrity MasterChef, Professional MasterChef, just-plain-old MasterChef. For those people living under a rock, and my US based readers (not sure if BBC America broadcasts such lovely programs), MasterChef is a cooking competition. It's been recently revamped to make it more exciting and it is on nearly every day in the evenings as they whittle through the weepy contestants who say over and over again that this competition could "change their life".

Perhaps that's why I like the celebrity version best. There's no pretence that these people are actually trying to open up their own country pubs for a better life for their families (do they even know anything about the restaurant industry?). In fact, I find the first rounds a bit depressing – it's really sad when these people find their dreams come crashing down when they get eliminated because of a televised cooking disaster.

But I have to confess, I just love reality TV. Not the Big Brother kind where people lie around and talk to each other about nothing much. I like the focused competitive programs, where you get to watch people trying to learn a skill or outsmart other contestants. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I am also a fan of the UK version of the Apprentice with Sir Alan Sugar. It's so interesting to watch people try to perform a business task – so many psychological elements of the process: which products to sell, to whom, and how to work as team together. If it wasn't being televised, I'd definitely sign up.

But back to MasterChef. I really love cooking. It's the one thing I like to do but don't treat with the same level of perfectionism as so many other things in my life. I think it's because no matter how much I mess up a dish, I know I will have many other times to try it out a different way. You've got to eat three meals a day (at least), so there's lots of room for trial and error. I also love the repetitiveness of the tasks involved and how absorbed I get when I'm simply chopping up a cucumber. It's the definition of "flow" to me (see my posting on Monkeys And Meditation for more on flow).

So would I ever sign up to be a contestant on MasterChef? No way. Not even taking into consideration whether I'd be good enough anyway, I don't want to go there. Perhaps that's why I like watching the competition so much – it allows me to live vicariously through others without putting myself through the mental anguish of it all. A skill that you enjoy but don't aren't a perfectionist about? A real gem. Guard those things with all your might.

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Monkeys And Meditation

If I ever mention that I have dabbled in meditation I get a mixed reaction. People are suspicious, but at the same time very curious. What is meditation about, really? Is it about relaxing? And is the person they're talking to really strange?

I actually haven't had much time to meditate recently. We spent the first half of this year buying a flat and moving and are now planning a wedding. Setting aside some time to meditate would probably help with such stress, but never mind. You do what you can.

But what is meditation, really? If I could describe it in the simplest way possible it would be about attention. Have you ever become so absorbed in doing something that you lose all track of time and nothing else seems to matter? For a little while you forget all about your constantly growing 'to do' list, those pictures from 2006 that you never put in an album, the sandwich you left rotting in the work fridge a few weeks ago and also, the sudden thought that maybe all the people in your life have formed a secret club to conspire against you (maybe you believe me now that I'm a paranoid person).

I've done a lot of reading about the idea of mindfulness and meditation, focusing your attention on the task at hand and not listening to all those little thoughts that go shuttling through your brain every minute of every day. But reading about it and doing it are two different things.

So maybe a year or so ago I decided I needed to practice this ability to pay attention – which is what (I believe) meditation is mostly about. I actually bought the book Meditation For Dummies and dealt with the embarrassment of reading it on the London tube. If you're looking for a primer on the topic it's a great broad introduction without any particular spiritual or religious bent.

I started with the first basic type of meditation: to simply sit on the floor (or a cushion), close your eyes and count your breaths. And every time your mind wanders away from focusing on the rise and fall of your belly, you try to bring it back. Apparently our minds are particularly good at wandering. I took a yoga class in San Francisco earlier this year with my friend, and her teacher called this "monkey mind" since your mind is running all over the place like a little monkey. I love this. Sometimes the monkey in my mind also throws fruit at me.

I've experimented with daily 10 minute bouts of meditation over the past year or so, but it's been hard recently. Fortunately, life gives us some great opportunities to start practicing focus and attention without it.

Now I just try to get fully involved in whatever it is I'm doing. Whether it's a conversation with a friend, a meeting, or a task at work that's particularly difficult. When every bone in my body is screaming that I need to be somewhere else doing something else that would make me feel better or happier or calmer, I try to take a deep breath and return to where I am now.

I read once that hell is wanting to be somewhere that you're not (wish I could remember where - I will keep looking for the reference). Maybe we don't have enough time to meditate, but it sure seems like a waste of time in our short lives to be wishing we were somewhere else.

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